Try freelancing for your local paper, or for local or regional magazines. Most have very small budgets and welcome writers who will write for free (or for a small fee). The stories are usually a bit mundane, but you can make them interesting and fun ... and good, if you try.
You can slowly build up a bank of clips this way, but more importantly, you will be A., tasked to write, B., and edited. Edited by a variety of people. This is crucial to developing as a writer, IMHO. It exposes you to various writing styles, and gives you lots of input from editors on your writing. It also forces you to become a good interviewer, which is important.
If you're good enough, you can make a nice buck freelancing. Around DC (where I'm managing editor of a magazine), the going rate for an assigned feature article is around $500 up to $5000. Most fall around $1000-$1500. Course, you gotta be good enough to write a 2,000 word, interesting article on the latest trends in roofing shingles or some such.
But again, that's good for a writer's development. If you are able to write interestingly about a topic you could care less about ... then you're a good writer.
My impression of your work is that you've got a knack for telling a tale ... it's easy to spot creativity. You can almost see the writer's mind churning through the story. But the prose is a bit heavy on dialogue, and the transitions seem heavy at times. Too much "he said," and not enough natural transition. You also could spend more time building the scene for the reader.
Of course, it's tough to judge on just a short snippet. When I take submissions from freelancers to evaluate them for possible work, I usually ask for 2-3 full article samples on different topics.
Feel free to send me some work. I don't have time to read novels, but if you've got some short stories, I'd be happy to give them a pass. My degree is in editorial journalism, and I've been writing/editing for newspapers and magazines for a while.
