My thoughts on the matter!
:D
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a
woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing
machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something
smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told
me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up
the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first
name was "Always".
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't
like to interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a
woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding
Ring, Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested. Then God created
Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on
Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your
willpower."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some
parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred
letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still
think they are beautiful.
