The Wizard of Hi Tech
act one
The Scene: Sikboy's house is swept away in a tornado and lands violently in the Land of Hi Tech, squishing flat the Evil Liberal of the West, Midnight Target.
Sikboy emerges, views the feet portruding from under the house, and hears the rustling around of the residents of O'Club City, watching from the safety of the bushes. Finally Sikboy is approached by the Mayor of O'Club City, Mayor Ripsnort-
"As Mayor of O'Club City
I'd like to thank you well
For squishing flat that Liberal
And sending him to Hell
His posts were always to the left
His rethoric was lame
Casting spells upon the right
Our leaders he defamed.
And now he's squished and we're all glad
We're rid of that Commie Rat
So for your deed I'll present to you-
A Conservative Pinhead Hat!"
(All the republican residents of O'Club City begin cheering. Udie, Eagler and hblair emerge from the crowd and begin dancing and singing a song to the tune of "Yes We Are The Lollipop Kids")
"Yes we are the Limbaugh Boys, the Limbaugh Boys, the Limbaugh Boys.
Yes we are the Limbaugh BOYS- Rush thinks for us every day.
Yes we hate the Lib-e-rals, the lib-e-rals, the lib-e-rals.
Yes we hate the lib-e-RALS- Soon they all will pay."
(Suddenly the singing and dancing is interrupted by a screeching Liberal flying a broom. The O'Clubians scream and scamper off. It is Dowding, the Evil Liberal of the East. Screeching at finding his sister squished flat under Sikboy's house, Dowding approaches Sikboy-
Dowding: You squished my sister! I'll get you for this, my pretty!
Sikboy: (whimpers, wets pants)
(suddenly a glowing ball of brilliant light appears and grows larger. The light explodes and reveals Hortlund, the Good Conservative of the North)
Hortlund: Ja, don ye be doin no doitry tricks to me young lad Sikboy now for doin such a fine community service by squishing this slimy liberal MT, OK?
Dowding: Just like YOU to be in favor of capital punishment, you NAZI! Where was Midnight's trial? Where was the JUSTICE? (begins wringing hands) Oh the INHUMANITY!!
Hortlund: Ja, da inhumanity was that de slimy liberals don't be allowin us to do no torturin' no more, Ja? Anyways, you be forgetin Midnight Target's Boots ye be forgettin Ja? (nods to Sikboy's feet, who is wearing MT's Magic Hipboots)
Dowding: That's right! (reaches for Sikboy's boots, but a lightning bolt zaps his hand, causing him to scream in pain) Aaaaggghhh! I'll get you, my pretty! (hops on broom, flies off)
Sikboy: Golly gee, cool boots! But uh...How do I get back to Fighter Ace?
Hortlund: Ja, dat be a tough one I can't figure out. I think ye gotta go to Tech Support and ask the Wizard of Hi-Tech. Just be stayin on this road ye be on, and always stay to de right and ye be watchin out for de Wicked Liberal of de East. She be doin anythin to get her hands on de Magic Hipboots.
Sikboy: Well, just what is so magic about these boots?
Hortlund: Ja, dey magic Republican boots. Dey be keepin de feces offluff'n your feet, Ja? You be needin that if you walk on de right side of de road!
(And so Sickboy, wearing his Republican Pinhead Hat and Magic Feces-Proof Hip Boots, exits, stage left, to the singing of the O'Clubians to the tune of "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead")...
Ding Dong Al Gore is done
Beaten by a Republican.
Ding Dong the liberal has lost....
Yay for conservatives
Bring the leftists to their knees.
Ho-ray for my man Rush Limbaugh....
(fades, end of act 1)