Author Topic: An Englishman, Irishman and a Scot were golfing... (Read 343 times)

Ripsnort · « **on:** June 06, 2002, 10:48:39 AM »

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she

bends over to place her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says,

"For the sake of decency here's $50, go and buy yourself some underwear".

Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Bejesus

woman. You've no knickers - why not?"

She replies "I can't afford any on the housekeeping money you give me."

He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's $20, go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under it. "Hoots

Mon woman! Wht d'ye hae no knickers?"

She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to be able to afford any."

The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's a comb, tidy yourself up a bit!"

Kratzer · « **Reply #1 on:** June 06, 2002, 11:34:03 AM »

I don't get it.

So did the wind mess up her hair or something?

Oh, and Groooaaan!

Curval · « **Reply #2 on:** June 06, 2002, 12:38:51 PM »

LOL....like it.

We have lots of Scots here...you have to make room for them at Happy Hours when they give away free food. It is where they eat their dinners.

Canadians have a bit of a reputation for being cheap too..they are referred to as TACs...Tight bellybutton Canadians.

Ripsnort · « **Reply #3 on:** June 06, 2002, 01:20:23 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Curval
LOL....like it.

We have lots of Scots here...you have to make room for them at Happy Hours when they give away free food. It is where they eat their dinners.

Canadians have a bit of a reputation for being cheap too..they are referred to as TACs...Tight bellybutton Canadians.

A couple of you understood the joke

Thrawn · « **Reply #4 on:** June 06, 2002, 01:28:42 PM »

Heheh

Swoop · « **Reply #5 on:** June 06, 2002, 01:31:02 PM »

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a German are on a train to The Hague.....the German and the Frenchmen are smartly dressed but the Englishman looks like he got up 10 minutes ago.....unshaven, hair not combed, etc.

Suddenly and for no apparent reason, the Frenchman pipes up

"Last night I made love to my wife 3 times and sis morning she made me a huge breakfast of croissant and as I left the house she told me I was the best lover in the whole of France."

And looks smug.

The German raises an eyebrow and says

"Last night I made luf to my vife 4 times und zis mornink she made me a huge breakfast of bratwurst und told me I voz ze best luffer in ze whole of Europe"

And looks down his nose.

They both turn to look at the Englishman with distain....

"Vell?" Said the German.

"Last night I shagged my wife once and this morning I didnt get any breakfast."

The others burst out laughing and the German asks

"Und vot did she say to you as you left ze house?"

"Dont stop"

Swoop

Ripsnort · « **Reply #6 on:** June 06, 2002, 01:44:25 PM »

LOL, good one Swoop! Especially love the "text accents" LOL!

Swoop · « **Reply #7 on:** June 06, 2002, 01:49:28 PM »

I'll tell ya the old woman jokes at the con, ya cant tell em without the actions.

Swoop

Curval · « **Reply #8 on:** June 06, 2002, 02:57:07 PM »

I'm stealing this one from The Sopranos:

A rich guy and a poor guy are good friends who meet every month for lunch.

One month the rich guy says, "It's the wife's birthday next week"

The poor guy asks what he is getting her.

"I'm buying her a diamond necklace and a brand new Mercedes Benz" says the rich guy.

"Why two gifts?" asks the poor guy.

"Well, I love my wife so much that I want her to have the best and never be disappointed. By buying her the car, she has the ability to drive it to the jewely store and exchange the necklace if she doesn't like it." answers the rich guy.

The poor guy is impressed and they end their monthly lunch.

The next month comes along and the two men meet up again.

"It's my wife's birthday next week." states the poor guy

"Oh yea, what are you getting her?" the rich guy asks.

"I bought her a pair of slippers and a dildo" says the poor guy.

"Why two gifts?" his friend asks.

He replies "Well, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go diddly herself"

Tac · « **Reply #9 on:** June 06, 2002, 03:57:36 PM »

"Canadians have a bit of a reputation for being cheap too..they are referred to as TACs...Tight bellybutton Canadians."

Oh man, i've reached an all time low.

midnight Target · « **Reply #10 on:** June 06, 2002, 04:12:15 PM »

An avid golfer is out shooting a round with his wife.

At the 4th hole, he slices the ball severely. While not out of bounds, he finds his approach shot blocked by a large barn.

After surveying the shots available he looks to his wife and says, "you know honey, if you were to open the front and back doors of that barn, I believe I could send a 2 iron right through."

His wife was sceptical, but agreed to open the doors for him. After opened them both, she stood off to the side to watch.

The husband lined up his shot carefully and gave the ball a mighty blow.

As it entered the barn the ball hit a post, rattled around and shot back out the same door it entered, striking the wife in the head and killing her instantly.

5 months later the same man is out golfing with a friend on the same course.

At the 4th hole his friend slices his ball behind the same barn. After some deliberation his friend comes up with the same idea, and asks the widower to open both doors for him.

"No, no, no!" Exclaimed the widower. "The last time I tried that shot I double bogied the damn hole."

deSelys · « **Reply #11 on:** June 06, 2002, 05:02:54 PM »

3 old friends are waiting for a 4th to begin a golf course. As they are waiting, they discuss over their sons.

The 1st one says: my son does pretty well. He is becoming a well known architect, and is getting really rich. So rich he recently built as birthday present a small house along the beach for one of his friends....

The 2nd father: yeah, mine is doing well too. He's now the manager of the biggest BMW garage of the state. Money just flows in....he bought a new BMW spider to one of his friends...

The 3rd one: well I'm proud of my son too! He opened an art gallery 2 years ago, and he is already famous. He told me he offered a Modigliani to a friend last week.

Then the friend they were waiting for arrives. As they are beginning to play, he asks:

-So? What were you guys talking about?

-Oh! We were just saying how proud we are of our sons.

-Aww!! Don't add anything!

-Why? Is there a problem with yours?

-You can say that! I learned last month that my son was gay, and that he was stripping in homo bars to make money!!

-.....

-Yes, it's hard to accept. On the plus side, he doesn't have money problems: his 3 last boyfriends gave him a house, a BMW sportcar and a Modigliani.....