Author Topic: Practical jokes (Read 431 times)

capt. apathy · « **on:** June 08, 2002, 11:11:02 AM »

We where talking at work the other day of different jokes and pranks we have played on each other over the years. This one had me laughing so hard I figured I would let you guys in on it.

I'm a field construction worker so we travel around (mostly to small towns with a mill or power plant) we live in hotels and when it's finished we move to the next job.

Anyway awhile back this one guy got a bad flash-burn (from the ultra-violet from welding, basically like a severe sunburn on your face and your eyes burn and feel like you have ground glass in them). Every welder has a preferred home remedy for flash-burns and most don't work.

So this guy asks for some advice and an older guy tells him to put some Vaseline on the upper part of his eyelids so they wont peel and then slice a large cucumber and put the slices on his eyes and that will absorb some of the fever-like heat out and relieve some of the pain so he can sleep.

So after work this guy stops at the only small grocery in this town, buys a 6-pack to help kill the pain, a large cucumber and a jar of Vaseline.

It wasn't until the next day at work when everyone was laughing as he said the remedy didn't work that he figured out why the teenage girl working the register was staring at him so weird.

Sandman · « **Reply #1 on:** June 08, 2002, 11:22:33 AM »

At work, someone or some people locked a chicken in this guy's office over a four day weekend. They left food and water and then closed the door...

Tumor · « **Reply #2 on:** June 09, 2002, 11:00:02 PM »

circa 1986:

Newbie to bikes came and asked my room-mate to help him do some minor maintenance.. I think it was a Honda. Anyway, my roomy needed to do some work of his own so off we went. At sometime during the day, we figured out this guy really had absolutely no clue about mechanics, so while we're giving the guy a hard time about his lack of skills, we laughingly tell him he needs a muffler bearing and a new kanuder valve. I mean, this was said in a joking mannner.. no "prank" intended. Later we go to the parts store and completely to our suprise the guy walks straight up to the counter and............ the look on the clerks face when the guy asked for his "parts" was probably one of the all time funniest momments of my life.

AKDejaVu · « **Reply #3 on:** June 09, 2002, 11:53:12 PM »

In the Air Force, we were in a little shack doing off-equipment maintenance right next to the flight line. Since the aircraft were technically nuclear capable, all of our parts had to be delivered within 30 minutes if it was on base, and 1 day if it wasn't. The suply guys were very predictable when it came to arrival.

It was a slow evening (was working the swing shift) and we were doing some shop cleaning and wrapping up some maintenance (translates: applying a coat of crylon paint) when someone said to the guy with the resperator and gloves doing the painting "you're so geared up... looks like you're cleaning up a chemical spill." There was a collective click as the idea hit 5 people at once.

One airman got a piece of cardboard and wrote "DO NOT ENTER! CHEMICAL CLEANUP IN PROGRESS!" on a sign and laid it face down outside of the door. The rest of the guys put on resperators and the aprons and gloves we used when doing the hard-core parts cleaning. I went in back and manned the phone.

We had ordered a part 15 minutes earlier and knew the delivery would be soon. The poor sod never saw it coming.

From what I was told: The supply guy walked into the building and made it to the order window when he noticed something was going on. He asked "what happened.. did someone fart?" thinking he was being quite clever. That's when Rich replied "No man, we had a toxic chemical spill and you aren't supposed to be in here!" John locked it by saying "I put the sign up" and reaching out the door and retrieving the cleverly placed sign to show the supply guy.

Now, a reasonable person would have known something was up when he was taken into the order office instead of outside... but this guy was in a panic. They got him in there and then called poison control. Err... actually... they called me in the back office and I was on.

They told me the chemical name (totally made up) and then put the supply guy on the phone. The conversation went something like this. Keep in mind that the guys in the room with him had no idea what I was saying to him.

"Airman.. this is poison control, can I have your Social Security number?"
He obliged.
"O.K. I'm going to have to ask you a few questions"
"O.K." said a nervous voice
"Are you currently on any medication"
"No"
"O.K. I need you to take off your boot and sock and tell me if your toe nails are turning blue."
"Both boots?" was the reply that caught me somewhat off guard.
"No.. one will be fine."

He proceeded to take off his boot and perform the requested inspection.

"No, they don't seem to be turning blue."
"Good, now I need you to do something else for me. Lay on your back and take a couple of deep breaths."
"O.K."
"Have you taken some deep breaths?"
"Yes"
"Do you have a bitter taste in your mouth?"
"Yeah, kinda"
"Are you sure you're not on any medication?"
"Well.. I've been taking some Motrine"
"OH toejam! I'LL BE RIGHT BACK"

That seemed to be the clincher. I didn't see the look that ran across the guy's face, but the others in there couldn't hide their laughter even behind resperator masks. They lost it and told the guy we were just messing with him.

He didn't take it too badly... all things considered. He put his boot on and stopped at the door to say "amazinhunks". It was the last time he spoke a word to anyone in our shop as he continued to make deliveries for the next 2 years.

The story didn't really hit us as to just how funny it was until I told the guy's what it was I was saying on the other line. We still consider it perhaps the best joke we'd pulled... even topping the time we had a guy yelling down a pitot tube in front of 50 people.

AKDejaVu

Tumor · « **Reply #4 on:** June 10, 2002, 06:50:07 AM »

LOL, good one Deja.

Hey, I was pulling graveyard shift gaurd duty on top of the SAC HQ building one night about 1987. They had us posted all over the place because some protest group or another had decided to do thier thing at the same time an big exercise was going on... think it was "Global Shield". Anyway... me and another guy decided to climp up on top of the elevator room for a better view. Sat there about 4 hours, antenna's all over... no big deal. Sun came up, we climbed down the ladder and I found the Radiation Warning sign face down on the ground that had fallen off the wall. Now THAT shiite aint' funny. Probably explains why my kids are such terror's.

This incident did fuel my idea for a very good prank we pulled a few years later in the U.K. hehe...

I was still an SP at the time, and this new guy (to the USAF as well as the flight) was a real pain in the butt. Always mouthing off type. So, we got our Fire Dept buddies in on it just to increase the dramatic effect. Back in the GLCM days we had these big Nuke storage area's with really huge earth covered structures (like 6 tractor trailer rigs inside huge). One was also a command post and had all the trimmings we needed, antenna's, sat antenna's etc up top. Those were roped off with with radiation danger signs for whenever the CP was active. There were also these little concrete boxes, the top of which were dirt level with metal lids. I think they were for water valves....anyway one of these boxes was inside the roped off area. One night late we told the guy it was time for the monthly radiation check and since he was the new guy... was up to him. Told him to take his chem gear with him and look inside the box. IF he saw nothing.... ok, but if he saw a red light, he was to immediately radio us. (we stuck a red-lensed flashlight in hehehe). Well... as soon as he called us with the "red light"... the controller immediately told him to don all his NBC gear and "DO NOT APPROACH ANY INDIVIDUALS OR BUILDINGS, EMERGENCY RESPONSE PERSONEL ARE ON THE WAY" ... Then we had the ECP guy start hammering the Klaxxon followed by the Fire guyz hauling down the flightline with siren's blowing. Man the dude totally lost it... ran down to the Fire-Team bldg crying and beating on the door and screamin (as loud as you can scream through a gasmask) to be let in while we were yelling at him to get away from us as we weren't protected ROTFL!! Man we were wickid!

fdiron · « **Reply #5 on:** June 10, 2002, 07:19:10 AM »

HAHAHAHA that was hilarious Tumor! Yours was the only story that actually made me laugh out loud.

Tumor · « **Reply #6 on:** June 10, 2002, 08:25:00 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by fdiron
HAHAHAHA that was hilarious Tumor! Yours was the only story that actually made me laugh out loud.

....I'm guessing the "bike parts" one

Dune · « **Reply #7 on:** June 10, 2002, 12:39:38 PM »

Watched a guy put horse wormer in another guy's coffee cup one morning (think God's own laxative). He drank about 1/4 of the cup, got this paniced look on his face, stood up and turned....and filled both of his boots.

narsus · « **Reply #8 on:** June 10, 2002, 12:49:33 PM »

back in college, my friends and I put plastic wrap on the toilets in the girls bathroom in the entire dorm

damn that was funny.

gofaster · « **Reply #9 on:** June 10, 2002, 01:20:41 PM »

Story told to me by a buddy who served as nuke engineer on a submarine in the '80s.

Nuclear subs are high-maintenance machines in the extreme, and crews are constantly drilling in order to sharpen skills in the event of a disaster. Very professional, very necessary.

But there was this one junior officer who didn't enamor himself with the crew and generally made a nuisance of himself. To be friendless on a boat that won't surface for six months is not a good thing to be. He got on the bad side of folks very easily - he would walk into a room and randomly flip switches, probably to test crew proficiency, but he himself didn't know how to undo what he had done.

One night the nuke engineers are sitting in an engine control room monitoring the fuel flow, power output, etc. and they know the officer is on duty. Now, in SSBNs, all of the systems are redundant and functions can be re-routed to other displays. So, they decide to rig the panel closest to the doorway to go down if any of the switches are activated. Sure enough, the guy walks in, looks around, and flips a switch on that panel. The whole wall goes dark and the engineers start screaming and waving their arms like their hair is on fire. The guy looks at them with a look of total and complete terror, turns, and flees the compartment. What the officer didn't realize was that the displays were duplicated on the other side of the panel and that he hadn't affected a single thing on the boat.

They never had a problem with that sort of drill for the rest of the cruise.

fd ski · « **Reply #10 on:** June 10, 2002, 02:45:42 PM »

When in service, my roommate was standing the 12 am - 4 am watch in duty office. Answering calls, faxes, so on. Nothing going on at that hour, off course.

So, being bored

I've made up a message from high command about impending nuclear strike to hit in 3 minutes, and orders to wake up just about everyone

and faxed it to him.

Called him 30 seconds later, just to make sure he doesn't call CO at home

He was freaked

funkedup · « **Reply #11 on:** June 10, 2002, 02:51:36 PM »

LOL Bartek

fdiron · « **Reply #12 on:** June 10, 2002, 03:54:07 PM »

Actually it was the second story that I found funny tumor.

Tumor · « **Reply #13 on:** June 10, 2002, 04:05:43 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by gofaster
Story told to me by a buddy who served as nuke engineer on a submarine in the '80s.

Nuclear subs are high-maintenance machines in the extreme, and crews are constantly drilling in order to sharpen skills in the event of a disaster. Very professional, very necessary.

But there was this one junior officer who didn't enamor himself with the crew and generally made a nuisance of himself. To be friendless on a boat that won't surface for six months is not a good thing to be. He got on the bad side of folks very easily - he would walk into a room and randomly flip switches, probably to test crew proficiency, but he himself didn't know how to undo what he had done.

One night the nuke engineers are sitting in an engine control room monitoring the fuel flow, power output, etc. and they know the officer is on duty. Now, in SSBNs, all of the systems are redundant and functions can be re-routed to other displays. So, they decide to rig the panel closest to the doorway to go down if any of the switches are activated. Sure enough, the guy walks in, looks around, and flips a switch on that panel. The whole wall goes dark and the engineers start screaming and waving their arms like their hair is on fire. The guy looks at them with a look of total and complete terror, turns, and flees the compartment. What the officer didn't realize was that the displays were duplicated on the other side of the panel and that he hadn't affected a single thing on the boat.

They never had a problem with that sort of drill for the rest of the cruise.

ROTFL!!! Oh holy crap!! Nobody F's around when real explosives are involved...let alone Nukes hahahaha

gofaster · « **Reply #14 on:** June 12, 2002, 09:48:11 AM »

Is that it? Nobody has any more funny stories?