Seems our rich uncle is getting too carried away always telling me what I can or can't do.
R 081611Z MAR 02
FM COMCOGARD MLC PAC ALAMEDA CA//KSE//
TO AIG 8985
AIG 8968
INFO COMDT COGARD WASHINGTON DC//WKS//
COMCOGARD MLC LANT NORFOLK VA//K//
BT
UNCLAS //N05100//
SUBJ: SAFE WORK PRACTICES IN POTENTIALLY FLAMMABLE ATMOSPHERES
1. A PETTY OFFICER WAS TREATED AT A MILITARY TREATMENT FACILITY (MTF) AFTER COMPLAINING OF SHORTNESS OF BREATH AFTER WORKING IN AN ENCLOSED WORKSPACE WITH SEVERAL OTHER PERSONNEL. AS THE DINING FACILITY (CGDF) HAD SERVED A MEXICAN MEAL FOR LUNCH, THE CAUSE IS SUSPECTED TO BE HIGH METHANE AND SULFITE LEVELS IN THE ATMOSPHERE FROM THE CREW’S FLATULENCE.
2. MANY COAST GUARD PERSONNEL WORK IN FACILITIES AND ON SHIPS WHERE FLATULENCE MAY EXIST, AND DUE TO MISSION URGENCY ARE NOT ABLE TO IMMEDIATELY VACATE THE SPACE SHOULD THE AIR BECOME FOUL. THIS MISHAP SERVES AS A STRONG REMINDER THAT THE EXPRESSION OF FLATULENCE CAN BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS IN THESE AREAS, UNLESS THEY ARE SPECIFICALLY LISTED AS INTRINSICALLY SAFE. THE COAST GUARD HAS DEVELOPED THE FOLLOWING SAFE WORK PRACTICE TO ADDRESS THIS PROBLEM:
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, THE PRACTICE OF EXPELLING FLATULENCE, COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS "FARTING", "BREAKING WIND", OR "PASSING GAS", IS PROHIBITED ABOARD ALL COAST GUARD CUTTERS, BOATS, VEHICLES, AIRCRAFT, AND SHORE INSTALLATIONS.
3. THIS REGULATION APPLIES NOT ONLY TO AUDIBLE FLATULANCE, OR INCIDENTS THAT ARE CLAIMED BY THEIR PERPETRATOR, BUT ALSO TO COVERT EVENTS SUCH AS "DEADLY WHISPERS","CHEEK SNEAKERS", AND "CROP DUSTINGS".
4. UNAUTHORIZED EXPULSION OF FLATULENCE IS TO BE PUNISHED UNDER THE UCMJ. "HE WHO SMELT IT DEALT IT" IS CONSIDERED SUFFICIENT BASIS FOR PROSECUTION. "I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO STINK" OR "I ATE AT THE GALLEY" IS NOT TO BE ACCEPTED AS AN EXCUSE FOR FAILURE TO CONTROL ONESELF.
5. COMMANDS ARE INSTRUCTED TO ENSURE KNOWN GAS PRODUCING FOODS ARE AVOIDED AT CGDFs. MEXICAN THEMED MEALS, NAVY OR BAKED BEANS, CHILI, CABBAGE, AND EGG SALAD ARE NO LONGER AUTHORIZED MENU ITEMS.
6. THE LIGHTING OF FLATULENCE WITH ANY TYPE OF OPEN FLAME IS STILL PROHIBITED.
7. POC LT SMITH, 510-487-5298.
BT
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