Angus, the look of contentment upon the faces of you and Sally speak volumes. Hey, if loving Sally is wrong you don't want to be right, huh?
So how do you prepare Sally for her run at "Miss Cow America?" Do you hire a coach who teaches Sally how to walk without swaying her udder? Does Sally require makeup? Who polishes her hooves?
Dude, I had an ottoman I was quite fond of, kind of like you and Sally. My ottoman had sturdy yet feminine bowed legs and a red silk cover. I kept our love secret because I knew the world wasn't ready for a love between a man and his furniture any more than the world is ready for the love between a man and his cow. My martinizing bill reached four figures a month so I broke up with the ottoman. I simply couldn't afford her any longer. Last I heard she's dating a sectional in Skagway, New Jersey, so I hope it works for her.