Ladies please....

[Revvin]

[list=1]

• Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it  up, you need it down. You don't hear us squeaking about you leaving it down.
• All men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour
• If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
• If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
• Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
• Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, shotgun formation, or how they calculate horsepower.
• Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
• Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
• You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Way too many.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
• No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the calendar.
• Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
• Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
• Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
• Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
• Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.
• Check your oil.
• It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take "the quiz" together.
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
• Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
• You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
• If it itches, it will be scratched.
• Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
• If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle
[/list=1]

[Swoop]

Right, where's Jenga and why isnt she reading this?  There'll be a test later.

[Jenga]

1. Call.

2. Don't lie.

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.

8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.

9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag,"
"Lardass," and "squeak" are bad.

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better
in bed.

14. Her cooking is excellent.

15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

16. Dish soap is your friend.

17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and
warm does not equal clean.

18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.

19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never
going to end that conversation.

20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

21. Two words: clean socks.

22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when
you're all sweaty.

23. Burping is not sexy.

24. You're wrong.

25. You're sorry.

26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool
car than you think she is.

27. Ditto for your discourse on football.

28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a
single bound.

29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is
bad.

30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

31. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.

32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she
feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change
without notice.

33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.

34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act
like a complete jerk until she does it for you.

37. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.

38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

39. Always, always suck up to her brother.

40. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so
names.

41. Don't try to change the way she dresses.

42. Her haircut is never bad.

43. Don't let your friends pick on her.

44. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The
fact that she has to go through labor while you sit on your butt in
the waiting room, smoking cigars, isn't fair either, and it balances
everything.

[Ripsnort]

LOL!

Hey Jenga, did Swoop tell you he was in bed with me at the con at 3am?

[Jenga]

Yeah, I saw the pics.


Normal behaviour I'm afraid.....

[Swoop]

Originally posted by Ripsnort
Hey Jenga, did Swoop tell you he was in bed with me at the con at 3am?

I was not.  I merely threatened to climb in with ya (boots and all) if ya didnt smile for the camera.

And did ya notice women have waaaaay more rules than we do?

[Ripsnort]

"Normal Behavior"  

LOL!



Yeah, too many rulez!

[Curval]

Originally posted by Jenga

2. Don't lie.

5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

I am just a dumb guy..please forgive me.  But, what if she really is fat and looks it?  Do I lie?

[Pei]

I am just a dumb guy..please forgive me. But, what if she really is fat and looks it? Do I lie?

I think you are making the mistake of applying logic to women

[midnight Target]

Originally posted by Curval


I am just a dumb guy..please forgive me.  But, what if she really is fat and looks it?  Do I lie?

If you live with her.... LIE AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!

[narsus]

Now this is a good thread

[Jenga]

Originally posted by Curval


I am just a dumb guy..please forgive me.  

Hmm, well as you admit to it,   ok then.

But, what if she really is fat and looks it?  Do I lie?

Yes.


But I've seen the pics.  I know she's not.  You do know you're in trouble now don't you?

[Animal]

Curval you are married and you are older than me.

That was a stupid question.
When it comes to women, and fat, you always lie, it may be the wrong thing to do, but its the right thing for you.

[Curval]

LOL Jenga...


I wasn't talking about Lana....I was referring to other women that might ask the same question...like a co-worker or something.

So...I should lie.  

But.....

nevermind.....rule 44 must over-ride rule #2...and again, it is just male ignorance to not know this.

I think Pei knows of what he speaks.

[Jenga]

My brother actually pointed out to a colleague once that her new clingy top made her look "not very slim".

Poor girl sat the rest of the day with her jacket on.

My brother at that time weighed in at 23 stone, so God only knows why she would take fashion advice from him.



(There is no point to the above story)