Author Topic: Advice from Parents (Read 849 times)

Curval · « **on:** September 29, 2002, 02:43:11 PM »

We just got back from a birthday party of a child in my eldest's class.

I am traumatized.

My son was desparately trying to fit in with the girl whose party it was but some slightly older kids were there too. The little girl wanted to play with the older kids, and as it was her party..and her cousins...she was allowed to join in. My son was not. The girl would frown at him and turn away when he tried to speak to her....one of the older boys punched him in the stomach to keep him from trying to tag along.

I wanted to take all of them and lob them into the ocean.

The mother of the little girl is a good friend of my wife's now...I told my wife that the only way I would let Trew play with her (outside of school) was without her cousins. My wife seems to want to brush it off as "kids being kids" but I could see the pain and hurt in my son's eyes today.

It really freaked me out.

Advice from parents PLEASE!

10Bears · « **Reply #1 on:** September 29, 2002, 02:55:35 PM »

Let it go Cur... kids will be kids

-Concho- · « **Reply #2 on:** September 29, 2002, 03:13:50 PM »

Dont' worry Curval, wont be long till the girls will be fallling for him and he'll be whoopin the boys arses.

Dago · « **Reply #3 on:** September 29, 2002, 03:27:16 PM »

Its easy for some to say "dont worry about it, and kids will be kids", but it's not so easy to see your own child treated that way.

Consider this, even though the host child was just a child, she should know enough not to let other guests be treated so mean. She is obviously not a friend of your child, and this being the case, I wouldnt think its necessary for you child to be required to play there. You are absolutely correct in not wanting your child there when the older cousins are around. Those cousins are mean, poorly raised childern.

Overprotection is one thing, not letting your child suffer mean treatment and abuse is another.

I agree with you 100%.

dago

Animal · « **Reply #4 on:** September 29, 2002, 03:28:43 PM »

I am not a parent, but I was a kid until a few years ago so maybe my advice can be worth something.
Do like those national geographic journalists; observe but dont interfere unless they are gonna do some serious physical harm to him. Let him learn on his own that there are jerks out there.

If you interfere all the time its gonna be daddy to the rescue every time he gets in a tight spot.

Curval · « **Reply #5 on:** September 29, 2002, 03:55:03 PM »

It just freaked me out.

Probably relates to my own experiences and the need for me to protect him.

I didn't interfere today..only to say to the wife that I am not going to "subject" him to those kids if I hear any more nonesense is going on. There is no need. The kids weren't really the problem. It was more their parents that I am actually upset with. The wife completely understands and is 100% supportive.

My kid isn't tramatized at all by the incident, he's a tough little guy.

Just me.

john9001 · « **Reply #6 on:** September 29, 2002, 04:26:32 PM »

back when i was a youngn , some big kid that lived down the block hit me, i walked in the house crying, my dad said "whats wrong?" , i said "rudy hit me" , my dad asked" did you hit him back?" , i said "no" , dad said "go back out there and hit him back" , so i went and hit rudy (more than once) , this time the big kid went home.

not sure how that relates to this thread, maybe teach your kids early to be self-reliant and depend on them selves because your not always going to be there?

anyway i like to tell that story, my dad was like that, when i wanted my first bike he made me earn 1/2 the money by mowing lawns and washing neighbors cars.

SC-Sp00k · « **Reply #7 on:** September 29, 2002, 05:05:26 PM »

Heh John. I just told my kid the same thing the other day. Never be the one to hit first as a kid but always be the one to hit last.

Curval. Those experiences form the child you want to be a man. Sometimes, parents have to take a step back and let the child however painful it may be to them, form their own conclusions.
Better they learn the feeling of mistrust with their peers at that early age in that manner, than a far harsher lesson later on when they are older because they were sheltered and protected all their lives. That pain you feel is your own as a parent. Not his.

Your boy may feel bad now. But its a lesson that will pay its own dividends later on.

Let kids be kids. Theres a purpose for it.

capt. apathy · « **Reply #8 on:** September 29, 2002, 05:06:12 PM »

kids will be kids, and if their parents don't step up to the plate and make them act properly they will continue to act that way for the rest of their life. age does explain bad behavior but it doesn't excuse it.
the kids aren't the problem here. it's the parents who refuse to teach their kids proper behavior. often making up lame excuses for failing to deal with their little monster. "it's her birthday, I don't want to upset her" what a perfect opertunity to teach the little brat how to be a polite host.

as far as what you could do about it. take your kid and leave. to make your kid sit through this kind of degrading crap (not to mention being hit) will only teach him to be a doormat or worse just pack him full of presure and issues till he can explode and be a new problem for somebody else.
it would be embarassing for some to make a scene by leaving (particularly your wife it the parents are her freinds) but to have your kid go through this and watch his parents do nothing just teaches him that he can't count on you for backup and that he's on his own in this world. it's not somuch the crap he deals with that will cause him problems, it's watching his parents accept it.

these situations are hard for new parents but you can't avoid them and you have to act. if you want your kid to trust you and listen to advice in the teenage years you better teach them young that you are on their side, and they can always count on you.

good luck
apathy

Thrawn · « **Reply #9 on:** September 29, 2002, 05:21:08 PM »

Jeebus, what apathy said!

Life's can be toejamty enough without engineering a crappy situation to "toughen" your kid up. What a bunch of malarchy.

Sheltering and protecting your child, what a novel idea.

Saurdaukar · « **Reply #10 on:** September 29, 2002, 05:54:46 PM »

Curval - its much worse being in the observer position. Helpless as you may feel watching this happen, your son thinks less of it than you do.

By the same token, he probably feels worse about you seeing it than it actually hapening... kids are on a constant quest to make their parents proud - just dont overcompinsate - he will know the difference between support and pity.

Thrawn · « **Reply #11 on:** September 29, 2002, 06:20:23 PM »

Saurdaukar, you have no idea, what so ever, what Curval's son thinks or feels.

SC-Sp00k · « **Reply #12 on:** September 29, 2002, 06:21:13 PM »

Noone saying throw your kids to the Lions Thrawn. But you cant be with them 100% of the time either. Somewhere along the line, they learn valuable painful lessons on their own.

Better they learn it at a kids party than at the back of the schoolyard with some bandana weilding maniac with a knife.

Mistrust is not always a bad thing.

Or is that knife weilding maniac with a Bandana ? LOL.

capt. apathy · « **Reply #13 on:** September 29, 2002, 07:31:36 PM »

spook, you're right you can't be there 100% of the time and you can't shelter them from the world. advirsity builds character and all the other miserable truths of the world.

however when your kid is in a crapy spot and you are there, he should know that you have his back. he should know that you wont accept people treating him like crap, and neither should he.

when my son came home with with situations like this (he's almost 18 now). I'd give him advice like, the world sucks sometimes learn to live with it. or tell him how to deffend himself and when it's ok to hit (inspite of the whole 'no excuse to hit anyone, ever.' crap the teach in schools now). and also stuff like if people act like this they are a-holes, so what if they don't like you they're a-holes anyway.

but if I'm there and the other kids parents are there, and nobody calls the kids on their behavior then I stand up and tell the parents to get their little animals under control. I don't care who I offend, there is nobody who's opinion of me is more important than my family. and when adults sit there and ignore this kind of crap they give a fom of 'silent consent'. they teach kids that it's ok to treat people that way. and they teach your kid that it's ok to be treated that way.

if you're a parent there is something you need to realise. you need to keep it in mind every day. maybe even write it down on something, so you see it first thing every morning.

kids are learning all the time. even when you don't know you're teaching.

SC-Sp00k · « **Reply #14 on:** September 29, 2002, 08:06:33 PM »

Agreed Apathy. Im not argueing the point as their are no hard and fast rules to Parenting and situations lead to different solutions, including pulling on brats and their parents.

In one sense Curval, you will have to do it the hard way the way we all did. No book can tell you and no parent always wise.

Do what you feel is in your gut at the time. (Murder aside

)