Author Topic: Quantas ground crew and engineers  (Read 694 times)

Offline maltesh

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« on: October 08, 2002, 10:15:05 AM »
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P stands for the Problem the pilots entered in the log, and S stand
for the corrective Action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S.Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S. Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined
airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Offline Mickey1992

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2002, 10:28:12 AM »
I usually see this list attributed to the US Air Force.  I have flown Quantas, they have to sense of humor. :D

Offline NOD2000

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2002, 12:20:01 PM »
oh man that was funny

Offline Hornet

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2002, 12:23:03 PM »
Quantas sucks
Hornet

Offline Bluedog

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2002, 12:24:51 PM »
Q - Queensland
A - And
N - Northern
T -Territory
A - Air
S -Services



There is no 'U' in Qantas guys, it's an anacronym, not a word.

Blue

Offline Turbot

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #5 on: October 09, 2002, 01:23:34 PM »
Why does QANTAS have an IFF system on their commercial jets?  Do they often have to fight their way in and out of airports?

Offline Urchin

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2002, 03:57:00 PM »
Believe all planes have IFF.  Keeps them from getting shot down by accident if they happen to fly near a military place.

Offline Hornet

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« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2002, 06:14:55 PM »
kmart sucks too.
Hornet

Offline Chairboy

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« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2002, 07:13:21 PM »
Every time I've seen this, it's been attributed to US Airforce, but regardless, modern commercial liners do have IFF/ATCRBS/Mode 3.
"When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross." - Sinclair Lewis

Offline Glasses

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2002, 07:45:02 PM »
For civilian use it's called a Transponder it sends out a sqwak(sp?) relying your posit to radar sites and depending on your sqwak code it might indicate your current status, 1200 for example being VFR flight. It's required by FAA while flying in and around Class C Class B Class A and above 10k MSL with mode C encoding, and of course if you've filed an IFR flight plan  they give you a code before hand to indentify you while transiting those airspaces,and to fulfill your flight heh.  They(ATC) give you a code that code when you go into an airport or ask for flight following identifies your aircraft  on ATC's radar scope  essentially the tranponder responds or sends out a reply . It's not only for Identifying you as friendly of foe but to identify you as an aircraft a civilian aircraft.

Offline Dago

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« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2002, 03:20:42 PM »
Quote
Believe all planes have IFF. Keeps them from getting shot down by accident if they happen to fly near a military


Nope, you believe wrong.  IFF is unique to the Military.  Most civilian planes have a Transponder, it identifies a planes location, and if Mode C equipped, alititude to ATC.

This list has been around a long long time, and is not from Quantas.  Someone, probably at Quantas, read it once and changed the name of the origination to Quantas, but I am under the understanding also that it is US Military in origin.

dago
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Offline gofaster

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2002, 04:43:36 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Hornet
kmart sucks too.


That's what I used to think until I discovered the auto-checkout counters.  No waiting, no lines.  You grab your stuff off the shelf, scan it at the register, slip in your money, walk out.  I wish more stores used that system.

Offline Dago

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« Reply #12 on: October 10, 2002, 08:11:26 PM »
Quote
That's what I used to think until I discovered the auto-checkout counters. No waiting, no lines. You grab your stuff


Walmart uses it too.  Ya know Walmart, where the people from the upscale trailer courts shop.  :)

dago
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Offline faminz

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #13 on: October 10, 2002, 08:37:45 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Bluedog

There is no 'U' in Qantas guys, it's an anacronym, not a word.

Blue


Theres also no na in acronym.....


(are you a youngster or an american bluedog?)   LOL

Offline fullback

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Quantas ground crew and engineers
« Reply #14 on: October 11, 2002, 01:57:24 AM »
Oh yea? Well...

You May be a Redneck Pilot if:

Your stall warning plays Dixie
Your cross country flight plan uses flea markets as check points
You think sectional charts should show trailer parks
You've ever used moonshine as avgas
You have mud flaps on your skid shoes
You've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer
You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman "Yankee"
You use a Purina feed sack as a wind sock
You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut
You refer to flying formation as "We've got us a convoy"
Your matched set of luggage is three grocery sacks from Piggly Wiggly
You've got a gunrack hanging on the passenger window
You've got more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowlings together
You figure the weight of mud and manure on your aircraft into the CG calculations
You siphon gas out of your tractor to put in the aircraft
You consider anything over 100 feet AGL to be "High Altitude"
There are parts of your aircraft labeled "John Deere"
You answer all calls from female ATCs with "That's a big ten-four little darlin'"
There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left
You fly to family reunions to meet girls
You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass
You've got matching bumper stickers on your vertical fin
You think ZULU time has something to do with Africa
You navigate with your ADF tuned to country music stations
Just before impact you are heard saying "Hey, y'all, watch this!"