WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
GEORGE W. BUSH - I don't think I should have to answer that question.
AL GORE - I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the
chicken crossing the road represents the application of these two
different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater
services to the American people.
RUSH LIMBAUGH - I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll
bet
it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet
someone
out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this
can
real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax
dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money
the
government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART - No one called to warn me which way that chicken was
going.
I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the
price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
JERRY FALWELL - Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you
people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going
to
the "other side. That's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my
friends,
that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay
too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that
the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the
other
side."
DR. SEUSS - Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been
told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY - To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. - I envision a world where all chickens will be
free
to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA - In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for
us.
BARBARA WALTERS - Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming
story
of how it had a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON - Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE -It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX - It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN - This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
VOLTAIRE - I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend
to
the death its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN - What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK - To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER - You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD - The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES - I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only
cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your
checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN - Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move
beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON - I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you
mean
by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
THE BIBLE - And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road,
and
there was much rejoicing.
RALPH NADER - The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had
been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not
reach
the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was
crushed
by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN - To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
COLONEL SANDERS - I missed one?
