Author Topic: The appeal of marriage (Read 1212 times)

miko2d · « **Reply #30 on:** December 13, 2002, 01:59:52 PM »

SirLoin: I think some people get married for the wrong reasons...If she isn't your best friend to start with, it will probably not last the kids/years/money woes etc..

That woudl probably work for some - but it would not be representative of a majority of successfull marriages.

Marriage is not about being best friends but about fitting specific distinct roles according to each other expectations.

As a universal recipy for a man I would suggest waiting untill about 28 years old taking that time to acquire experience, education, go through military service and get a start on a career. Take that time to experience affairs with older women - to learn what creatures they are and where their buttons are. Don't hesitate to ask for advice on dealing with girls. Older (even if just by 2-3 years plus women mature faster than men anyway) women love educating young inexperienced boys and you do not have to worry about consequences.

Then find an 18-year old girl from a good family background with acceptable genes and court her, marry her and using women's natural malleability (to a degree) mold her to your specs till she is about 24. After that you are stuck with what you have and any changing would have to be done by you - and you better love the result.
Have kids as early as you can. Risks, problems and grandparent's health only gets worse with age. Do not go crazy over career past earning enough to live on and have her stay home or at least not take her job seriously.

Of course there can't be any frienship between a mature man of 28-30 and dumb ignorant female creature of 18. That would have to wait till she is older.

miko

SirLoin · « **Reply #31 on:** December 13, 2002, 04:32:47 PM »

funkedup · « **Reply #32 on:** December 13, 2002, 04:42:52 PM »

Does anybody else here read Miko's posts aloud using the voice of Peter Sellers' Dr. Strangelove?

mrfish · « **Reply #33 on:** December 13, 2002, 05:14:03 PM »

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Originally posted by funkedup
Does anybody else here read Miko's posts aloud using the voice of Peter Sellers' Dr. Strangelove?

lol- sort of but more russian.

miko2d · « **Reply #34 on:** December 13, 2002, 05:25:11 PM »

It worked for me - in fact my wife - who I started courting when she was 18 - is now undisputed head of the household. She runs our life. I only make rare decisions like buying houses, investing money and changing jobs.

miko

bounder · « **Reply #35 on:** December 13, 2002, 08:10:54 PM »

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Originally posted by Curval

The concept of "Let's not fall into that old fashioned marriage trap" is very shortsighted and frankly I think you guys in Europe will, in the next 20 to 50 years, start seeing all kinds of problems resulting from it. In my opinion it is not only a shortsighted alternative to marriage, but also a very selfish one.

Having said that, it is bound to make some family legal practices a great deal of money when they are hired to try and sort out the ramifications of these couples that "live in sin."

(I don't really think that they are living in sin...it is just an expression.)

I'm interested in what problems you forsee Curval.

We have lived together for 10 years (since our early 20s) and we have a 1 yr old son. We have formal parental responsibilty agreement for me -

(amusing aside: In the UK the parental responsibility agreement is usually 'served' on absentee fathers. They were really freaked when we went in and I wanted to sign one - like it didn't compute.)

- that names me as the responsible father. Lineage is fully recorded on birth certificates, and inheritance is ensured through an up to date will.

We are often asked at weddings when we will get married. When we say never, we are always asked to explain ourselves.

We simply couldn't find a single good reason to get married, so why do it?

Samm · « **Reply #36 on:** December 13, 2002, 08:34:49 PM »

What do you guys think about polygamy ?

mrfish · « **Reply #37 on:** December 13, 2002, 09:14:30 PM »

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Originally posted by Samm
What do you guys think about polygamy ?

no way- you should have only one wife you respect. but it's ok to have concubines i think. as long as they live in the same house and the wife can order them around. if they were all wives it'd get too squeaky and competitive.

Curval · « **Reply #38 on:** December 13, 2002, 10:17:52 PM »

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Originally posted by bounder
I'm interested in what problems you forsee Curval.

None in your case..you have a formal parental responsibility agreement and you seem to have all the bases covered. So I cannot argue the point with you. But your case is a rare one.

Does the child have your last name, or your partners..out of curiousity?

Is there common law marriage in the UK now? Are you considered legally married in the UK after living together for say 2 years?

If you and your partner split up, who keeps the child? In this event would you be bound to pay your partner any form of support, or just for the child?

Kanth · « **Reply #39 on:** December 14, 2002, 01:31:34 AM »

I've gone through and read all of these posts and the closest to how I feel about marriage is bounder's situation.

no kids, no tax breaks, no paper, and no church.

lots of love, but then that's why we're together and why we remain together.

still no reason that I can see to marry.

StSanta · « **Reply #40 on:** December 14, 2002, 06:12:58 AM »

Interesting enough.

It boils down to this:

Legal papers and money. Requirement from extended family. A snare that makes it more difficult for both parts in a relationship to break up.

Not exactly a rose guarden, the reasons to get married

.

Tumor · « **Reply #41 on:** December 14, 2002, 06:29:34 AM »

Marriage is great! Kids make it better.... If ya have 2 or 3 kids and time it right, you won't have to mow the lawn, do the dishes or sweep the floor for over 25 years!

Toad · « **Reply #42 on:** December 14, 2002, 08:00:12 AM »

No matter what you may think marriage is before you enter in to one, you'll find it is not at all what you thought.

29 years in February. Still happy. But it's not what I thought it was 30 years ago... heck, it's different from 10 years ago.

There ya go.

Curval · « **Reply #43 on:** December 14, 2002, 09:23:09 AM »

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Originally posted by StSanta
Interesting enough.

It boils down to this:

Legal papers and money. Requirement from extended family. A snare that makes it more difficult for both parts in a relationship to break up.

Not exactly a rose guarden, the reasons to get married .

I suppose you are right, when you look at the arguments I brought forward, which are more practical reasons than emotional.

It all boils down to personal feelings about the institution of marriage. I have had this debate with a friend of mine from Denmark when he was with his girlfriend that he came to the island with. The two of them were dead set against marriage and having children, and came up with many of the same arguments you put forward. Ironically they split up and he is with another girl.

He and his new girlfriend are looking to get married in May or June of 2003. I'm willing to bet that they have kids within two years.

bounder · « **Reply #44 on:** December 14, 2002, 09:50:12 AM »

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Originally posted by Curval
None in your case..you have a formal parental responsibility agreement and you seem to have all the bases covered. So I cannot argue the point with you. But your case is a rare one.

you're right there, but there is evidence showing that in the UK at least showing that we are less unique than we were.

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Does the child have your last name, or your partners..out of curiousity?

My last name. I was all for changing our name (all 3 of us) by deed poll, (marriage not necessary) to something like, oh, I fon't know, Rothschild or Soros or von Richthofen, but all of the grandparents promised revolt if we did. I'm not hung up on names. My family name dates back 100 years when my great grandad worked in a bank with another guy with the same surname. The bank manager ordered them to both change their names to avoid confusion. Like I say, I can trace my family back a lot further than my family name, which has changed a lot.

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Is there common law marriage in the UK now? Are you considered legally married in the UK after living together for say 2 years?

Yeah common law marriage is that, but it doesn't carry much weight in the courts or anything. It doesn't necessarily indicate next-of -kinship for example.

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If you and your partner split up, who keeps the child? In this event would you be bound to pay your partner any form of support, or just for the child? [/B]

We'd both have equal claim over custody. I would also be required to pay some child support, depending on her income.
To my mind, if it ever came to us splitting up, what was best for the boy would completely dictate my actions in the matter.

The institution of marriage is certainly not what it was (institutionalised slavery). Today I see it as a hangover from history, when a union of families was least about the couple getting married, and more about financial and property calculations. This is not unique, dowries are a popular form of marriage contract the world over.

All of that and the need (pressed by my and her parents) that we would *have* to have a wedding if we got married. Don't get me wrong, I love weddings, but if I had the kind of money to spend on a wedding, the last thing I'd spend it on would be a wedding.

I have no objections to marriage, but I do think that my contemporaries who have got married (most of them) haven't thought that hard about it, and are just doing it because 'it's the next logical step' and 'it's the done thing'.

Our relationship is between us. I don't care for publicising it in the style of grand public declarations.