Author Topic: Pilot Jokes  (Read 252 times)

Offline Hangtime

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Pilot Jokes
« on: March 12, 2003, 09:37:09 PM »
A pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?" The nav replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the nav replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

---------------------------------------

The passengers on a small commuter plane were quite surprised when the pilots arrived. They both walked up the aisle, both wearing dark glasses... One had a seeing-eye dog, the other was tapping his way to the cockpit with a white-tipped cane.

The cockpit door closes, the engines start up. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway.

People by the windows realize they're heading right towards the water at the end of the runway. Panic ensues. Screams fill the air.

At that very moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot.... "Y 'know Bob," he says, "one day they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die."
The price of Freedom is the willingness to do sudden battle, anywhere, any time and with utter recklessness...

...at home, or abroad.

Offline mjolnir

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Pilot Jokes
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2003, 02:08:47 AM »
[hijack for jokes about military pilots]

Q.  How can you tell if there's a fighter pilot in the room?

A.  He'll tell you.



Q.  What's the difference between God and a fighter pilot?

A.  God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

[/hijack]

We now return you to your regularly scheduled jokes about airline pilots.  :D

Offline CyranoAH

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Pilot Jokes
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2003, 03:59:08 AM »
Gorgeous girl to pilot in disco: "Wow you are a pilot? That must be exciting!!"
Pilot: "Not if I do it right..."




"Cessna152 with student pilot in command to unknown airfield below, identify yourself."



Best of all, this was heard on 120.8 (LELL TWR) yesterday morning. (Sabadell Airport). The controller in charge is a man called Mr. Linares, quite a character. Very good in his job, just a bit peculiar.

Pilot - "ECHMG over November point, 2500 feet, to land"
Controller - "EMG proc(eed) (dir)ectly (final) 13 (notify over) water tower"
Pilot - "Will proceed to final 13 and notify over water tower"

(The water tower can be considered the verge of what is incorrectly called "short final")

A minute later:

Pilot - "EMG over water tower"
Controller - "Copy, ECHML line up and hold rwy 13"
The ECHML takes its time
Pilot - "EMG short final!"
Controller - "nah, you are not that close"
Pilot - "whatever you say"
Controller - "ECHML cleared for takeoff rwy 13 wind calm"
ECHML - "..."
Controller - "EMG cleared to land rwy 13 wind calm"
Pilot - "cleared to land.."
Controller - "See? Told you there was plenty of space, I could have even allowed another take off"
Pilot (nervous) - "oh well, whatever pleases you!"

At that point I was laughing out loud.