http://www.beltwaybuzz.com/Top%20Stories.htm Chief UN Arms Inspector Hans Blix told reporters today that an avid sadomasochist is the best member of his team. "I wish I had a dozen more like him. He can walk into a suspect site and have Iraqi soldiers and officials submitting to his every whim almost instantly. My other inspectors just don’t have that kind of experience."
The comments by Blix came in response to mounting criticism over employing a man who maintains a website promoting the sadomasochistic life style. Surprisingly, President Bush downplayed the controversy in off-the-cuff remarks to reporters. "So he’s a sadomasochist? As long as he knows how to do his job, I don’t care about his religious beliefs."
According to UN officials, the SM Inspector has already grown into a legend in Iraq. "He’ll walk into a building, and if anyone moves a muscle he swats them across the face with his riding crop. One Iraqi soldier made the mistake of calling him by his first name. He ended up having to polish a SCUD missile with his tongue. You can bet that everybody is calling this guy ‘Sir’ after that."
There have been a few tensions, however. "He refuses to wear the United Nations uniform, dressing in full leathers instead. Other members of the team are a bit resentful, but they are afraid to say anything openly. There have also been some minor complaints alleging human rights violations, but personally I think that they are just sour grapes."
An Iraqi official spoke to us on condition of anonymity. "Do not let this maniac know that I have spoken out against him. I do not like that look he gets in his eye. But it is not fair. He walks into a building and says ‘you have weapons grade plutonium here. Bring it to me.’ And of course even if there is no weapons grade plutonium you must go out and find some just to keep him happy. The last time I couldn't sit down for days. I never read anything in the UN Resolution that authorized this sort of conduct."
Interviewed by CNN, the so-called SM Inspector agreed that he had the right credentials for the job. "It isn’t something that you can learn overnight. It takes a lifetime of study, a lifetime of practice. You need to be able to make somebody hunger to obey you."
In response to a question about his hopes for the future, he replied, "They tell me that I might get to go along on one of the palace inspections. I hope I might meet this fellow Saddam Hussein. I bet I could convince him to tell me all sorts of interesting stuff."
