Author Topic: Looking for an Old Air Warrior post  (Read 605 times)

Offline DrDea

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« on: April 08, 2003, 10:56:08 PM »
Some of you might remember what Im talking about allready.It was the 3 part History of type story from the beginning of Air Warrior.  Saying things such as "And the spawn of the devil was born unto them.He was called the  Alt Monkey and they trembled below cowering in fear. " It was a total riot and I would love to have a copy of that. :)
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Offline Reschke

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2003, 11:03:36 PM »
I might have that here. If I don't I think I know where you can get it. One of the guys from Warbirds VF-17 wrote part of it. Try looking for "The Book of Dweeb" or something like that.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2003, 11:29:13 PM by Reschke »
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Offline DrDea

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2003, 11:07:45 PM »
That was just to damned funny.I had it on floppy somewhere and ended up throwing it out on a monthly cleaning of the desk.Im sure it would be a good post on here for  those that never saw it
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Offline CornGiveAway

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In the Beginning
« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2003, 01:04:02 AM »
is this it?

the Beginning there was Beta, and it was good, and the "Kesmai Gods" created "Dweebs", and saw that we multiplied. Then they said let there be wings" and there were wings, and the Gods said to the Dweebs, "All that is before you is yours." In the eternal daylight the Dweebs learned to fly, and then there was WAR!

At first, the Dweebs who were able to get airborne ran full throttle at 2000 feet to the nearest "NME". Now Dweebs being Dweebs, never really knew who the "bad" Dweebs were and killed each other as often as not. So sad a sight that the Gods said "let there be P.N.G." and there was, and it was good. With the gift from the Gods the Dweebs learned what was good to shoot at and what was bad to shoot at and the Dweebs mutilplied. The Dweebs learned that the planes could move in other direction beside left and right and up and down, and some Dweebs excelled.

Many, many Dweebs took their planes into a low level fight and into the ground their planes went, for they could not see the closeness of the Earth in their fights. This saddened the Gods, so the Gods said, "Let there be shadows", and there were shadows. This confused the Dweebs many fold, for when the Dweebs saw this 'Shadow' they attacked it; they shot .50's into it, and yet it was still there; they shot cannons into it until there was no more ammo, and it was still there; they became fixated with killing this shadow until their plane broke apart upon the ground where the shadow resided.

Some Dweebs, confused and unsure of this new thing, decided to go where there was no shadow. These Dweebs found the Holy land of "Alt". In this Holy area they could see the world and they wondered about this, they could see the other Dweebs way below them attacking their shadows, and these Dweebs in the Holy land of "ALT" were blessed with certain knowledge: that knowledge being that where there were no planes, there was no Shadow. So these Holy Air Warriors went on a Crusade to rid the world of the cursed Shadows.

High they flew, out of the reach of the shadows until they spotted a maker of shadows far below them, and upon them they dove, faster than any before; they attacked, with cannons blazing and their fury high in their own self importance; they killed the shadow makers, and high they retreated again, out of the reach of the shadows.

And a name was given unto them. "Alt Monkeys", and they caused fear and anger amongst the lower Dweebs.
 
And the War intensified, and the Dweebs multiplied, and an Evil set foot into the land, and this evil had a name, and that name was "Macro" and macro spread his evil throughout the land, the Gods saw this and wondered, and it sadden them.

The Gods also saw that there were more Dweebs then places to put them, and they created ETO2 and Pac2 and the Dweebs rejoiced! The Dweebs learned to land, and lo and behold, they were awarded for their skill with points, and they coveted their points as a badge of honor, and so after points they flew, and the radio was full of "point mongers" shouts of glee with the amount of points awarded unto them, this caused "competition".

The Gods saw this and it angered them, and they destroyed all the points in all the lands, and this saddened the "point mongers". So after the destruction of all they coveted, they again went forth and gathered "points".

And the Gods said unto the world, "As long as the sun stays put, and the water is hard, we shall make you start afresh and free of points once each month", and so it was, and all were equal.

And the Dweebs discovered sheep, for the sheep they could keep and protect from raiding parties, and the Dweebs rejoiced!

The Dweeb knew the sheep, and the sheep begat a child, and this child was evil, and an angry child who killed his own, and this child was named "FRAGGER". FRAGGER and his offspring spread across the land, and no one knew this "FRAGGER" from his own brother, for he is a wolf in the clothing of a sheep, in the pasture he awaits until he kills a brother, and the only time this FRAGGER is caught, is when his murdering ways were transmitted across the radio, and the war stopped, and all the Dweebs of the world converged upon this FRAGGER, and killed him many times, and again he appeared, and this angered the Dweebs even more, and then they saw the light of the gift of "P.N.G", and some brave Dweebs sacrificed themselves to banish the FRAGGER.

From time to time, some Dweebs ventured into the realm of the demi-gods, this land looked like their home, but it was filled with a powerful magic called "physics", and it struck the unwary blind with darkness and blood filled vision, and they fell from the sky. And they were humble, for this was not the home of Dweebs, for this was the land of "Full Realism". And it frightened them.

But in this land was order, the numbers were always about even, fraggers didn't venture there, and the evil of "macro" was much reduced, for here could be a fine home if the magic of "physics" could be mastered, for the here the demi-gods lived and the tree of knowledge can be picked, and in this place there is a chance of a "God" appearing, and with a sacrifice of a virgin sheep, knowledge can be gathered.

Offline Sandman

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Re: Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2003, 01:11:49 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by DrDea
Some of you might remember what Im talking about allready.It was the 3 part History of type story from the beginning of Air Warrior.  Saying things such as "And the spawn of the devil was born unto them.He was called the  Alt Monkey and they trembled below cowering in fear. " It was a total riot and I would love to have a copy of that. :)


I think you mean the Book of Dweeb... I posted most of what I could find of it here:

http://forums.checksix.net/display_topic_threads.asp?ForumID=2&TopicID=106&PagePosition=6
sand

Offline DrDea

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2003, 08:03:28 AM »
Thats it :)  Thanks.I knew someone would still have that one:D
The Flying Circus.Were just like you.Only prettier.

FSO 334 Flying Eagles. Fencers Heros.

Offline DrDea

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2003, 08:13:25 AM »
Thanks corn. I never saw the other one tho.Thats a WB version I take it.
The Flying Circus.Were just like you.Only prettier.

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Offline gofaster

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2003, 08:47:41 AM »
While we're on the subject, anybody have the "Scavenger" posts, including the "And I Was There" story of Scav and the Atlas rocket program?

Offline afool

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2003, 12:25:48 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by gofaster
While we're on the subject, anybody have the "Scavenger" posts, including the "And I Was There" story of Scav and the Atlas rocket program?


I think this is what you are looking for....

http://www.airwar.org.uk./scavengr.html

afool

Offline Montezuma

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #9 on: April 09, 2003, 12:44:08 PM »
This is an older 'AW monkey' post, from 1994 or so.


Air Warrior and Monkeys
by Ho

Air Warrior is like the Empire State Building. And Air Warriors are like monkeys.

When you first start you're a little, orgon-grinder size monkey standing on the street outside. Looking up you see a building swarming with hostile monkeys of all different shapes ans sizes. Monkeys are born to climb, ant there ain't no Fay Wrays standing on the street, so instinct takes over ans soon you're jousting for a handhold and making yer way up the wall.

Some are Fast Monkets. A bit of natural ability combined with an in depth knowledge of climbing. They become familiar with the cracks and crevices of the particular building and begin to apply their knowledge within those parameters. Soon they are climbing, dodging, or scramblin right over some of the bigger monkeys and snatchin bananas from the slower ones, growing bigger.

Others are Scrappy Monkeys. These monkeys spend extra time practining. They ask lots of questions and live for the chance to go toe to toe with the bigger monkeys. They punch, kick, bite, claw, and spit at the monkeys above them. Scarred, bloody, and with big ol'chuncks of fur ripped out they monkey butts they keep hammerin. Occasionally they land a good blow, right in the monkey 'nards, and topple a bigger monkey. This inspires them to fight even harder. Soon they learn where to hit and when to duck. They begin to take their share of bananas.

Then there's the Hungry Monkeys. "Mo 'nanas!, mo 'nanas!" they chant as they cling to the wall from 6:01 pm til 7:59 am. Calculating that mo'nanas go to the monkey with mo hangtime they know that if they hang long enough they will get mo than their share of the 'nanas. Of course they need deep pockets to sustain this frenzy, can't eat all them 'nanas at once, and are prone to the dreaded "Banana Split". They must be very careful, lest they wind up another furry puddle of monkey guts in some alley off 34th street.

Also ya got yer Techno Monkeys. Bumpy FrankenSchwanz in each paw, electrode catheters up their tail, anti-lock stainless steel vine swingers attached to their feet, gold plated groin clamps feeding g-inducing jugular valves hooked into the fastest system available, with the biggest monitor, tuned to peak performance and cranking out thru a megagigawatt, 3D, multi-usual Krakatoa Banana Blaster, these monkeys spend alot of time diddlin with their gadgets and tweaking their way up the wall.

And, we got MacGyver Monkeys. Riding systems that time forgot with nothing more than a handful of Froot Loops and a pile of bat guano they use every trick in the book, and plenty that ain't, to squirm their way heavenward. Always heavy, uncovering obscure and hidden bananas, they invent their way along using every micro-ounce of every banana that they manage to ensnare, even to the point of using the peels for clothing and shelter.

Advancing their altitudinous aspirations, AW Monkeys invariably encounter the various denizens of the virtual Jungle.

Most encounter the Hurler Monkey first. Kinda like chimps, these sociable chaps gather in large communal halls, spending their time practicing monkey yells and poking each other in the navel. Once in awhile they venture out for a climb but are much happier chillin with heir mates on the middle floors, flingin monkey turds and grinnin at all that pass by.

Out on the wall a common first encounter is with a Sumo Monkey. these are the veteran Hungry Monkeys. Thet've been there twice, done that backwards. All the nonessential flotsam has been skimmed and the essence of the climb congealed to a Zen like "See monkey, knock monkey down" philosophy. When ya hear "Monkey X took my 'nana 16 times in a row one day", Monkey X is most likely a Sumo.

No avoiding it, eventually every climber crosses ledges with Tribal Monkeys. wearing the skins of ded monkeys, gathering in private branches painted in various warlike colors, they belch, fart, thump n headbutt their way around looking for others to belch, fart, thump n headbutt with. An astute climber can get a good belly full a slightly bruised 'nanas by finding an area where 2 or more groups of tribal monkeys have been thump n headbuttin.

Look way up there, see that fuzzy lil dot? That there's a Vulcher Monkey. High above the crowd, with a 10K alt advantage on next week, they float. Looking for the unsuspecting or hurtin climber, sporting k/ds over 8000 and k/ss around .0125, their motto is - "where there's smoke... we fire! (but only after the monkey that caused the smoke has been kilt first".

Legend has it that in the penthouses are the Wrinkled Monkeys. Rarely climbing, (hey yer in the penthouse, why climb more?) they only venture out under dark glasses. They have the rare and exotic 'nanas. Highly sought but useless to but a few climbers that are twisted enough to understand their full meaning, the Wrinks are content to live on past glory. They enjoy tossing an occasional 'nana out the window just to see how many climbers fall off trying to grab it.

AND, of course, The Kong Monkeys. At the peak of prosperity, clinging to the radio tower, chest pounding, Fay grabbin, teeth gnashing, flicking planes away as tho they were insects, we find the Kngs. Keelin, scorin, the anchors of their respective tribal units, when a climber see a Kong Monkey on the wall he heads for another country. Whole tribal units have been de-'nana-ed by single Kong Monkeys. Just when Joe Avg Monkey thinks he's seen everything, along comes a Kong Monkey and gives that girl a twirl and makes her whole wurl swirl. Clashes between Kongs can sometimes alter the entire shape of the wall, cause the climb to take a whole nuther direction, provide lotsa ammo for the Hurlers...

Leona and Harry Kesmai proudly announce the opening of the New Real Building at 870;2 Arena 4.

The 'Nanas are fresher and sweeter and as of now there aren't many Kongs to keep you from those Hooter laden Fays.

Fast Monkeys can get a preview of every nook and cranny. Scrappy Monkeys can test there mettle on a bigger, steeper wall. Hungry Monkeys? Mo 'nanas, nuf said. Hey Techno Monkeys git out your tweakers, plenty mo stuff to calculate. The MacGyver's been over there already, gatherin trnkets.

Tis a regular simian shower over 870 as monkeys of all sizes leap off and make thier way crosstown.

NOW FIGHT LIKE APES!

Ho-Thar of Atlantis

Offline gofaster

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #10 on: April 09, 2003, 12:47:11 PM »
I remember reading the "monkey" post and thinking "man, those guys have been around forever!".  That was in 1996.  Three "Air Warrior" versions, two computers, 4 game services, "Aces High", and 2 joysticks later, I realize how much truth is in that post!

I still have my Gamestorm t-shirt and hat in my closet for being the Member of The Month in Air Warrior II (or was it III? I can't remember).

Offline Gypsy Baron

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #11 on: April 10, 2003, 11:56:05 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by Montezuma
This is an older 'AW monkey' post, from 1994 or so.


Air Warrior and Monkeys
by Ho

Air Warrior is like the Empire State Building. And Air Warriors are like monkeys.


-SNIP-
Ho-Thar of Atlantis


 Yup...this is the post by "Holmes" (aka Paul Jordan, NYC )
 a former Air Warrior trainer and a great guy, not to mention
 funny as hell. He wrote several other "characterizations"
 and "personal experiences" types of posts. I wish I had
 them archived but I'm afraid I didn't appreciate the "historical
 significance" of them at the time.

 Anyone have the one narrating his lunch hour foray to
 the local software store? Now THAT was FUNNY!

 Holmes was the first trainer I encountered back in my early
 AW years...Feb of '92 I believe it was.
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B-17G 447th Bomb Group, 709th Bomb Squadron, Serial#42-31225

Scheherazade - Lt.Phillip P. Zanoya, Pilot

M/Sgt Kenneth N. Johnson, Crew Chief
126 missions without a single mechanical abort[/b

Offline Reschke

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Looking for an Old Air Warrior post
« Reply #12 on: April 10, 2003, 12:05:25 PM »
Thats it Corn. I think I have all of it on my computer here at work. Searching for it now.
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