GEORGE W. BUSH: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... We don't really
care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken
is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is
against us. There is no middle ground here.
AL GORE: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... I invented the chicken.
I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented
the application of these two different functions of government in a new,
reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
COLIN POWELL: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... Now at the left of
the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing
the road.
HANZ BLIX: Why did the chicken cross the road?.... We have reason to
believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the
other side of the road.
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq information ambassador): Why did the chicken cross the road?..... The chicken did not cross the road! This is a complete
fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... This was an
unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50
tons of nerve gas on it.
RALPH NADER: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... The chicken's
habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked
industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on
the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a
gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... To steal a job
from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... I don't know why
the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government
grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming
a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you
believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens
crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax
dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you
to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... No one called to
warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the
farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.
No little bird gave me any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... Because the
chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in
front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. That's what
they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay! And,
if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all
chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media
whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... To die. In the
rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... I
envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.
BARBARA WALTERS: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... Isn't that
interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell,
for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a
serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
crossing the road.
VOLTAIRE: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... I may not agree with
what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... To boldly go where
no chicken has gone before.
SIGMUND FREUD: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... The fact that you
are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your
underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... I have just released
eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file
your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet
Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... Did the chicken
really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... I did not cross
the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define
chicken, please?
COLONEL SANDERS: Why did the chicken cross the road?..... I missed one?
