IRC quotes:

[Nilsen]

#   hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.


# YOU ALL SUCK DICK
er.
hi.
A common typo.
the keys are like right next to each other.

# damn
****
DAMN
i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
****
i go like this to her
"i want to suck on your clit"
****

# LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
is it modded?

# The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

# Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P

# AFK, tornado

# <+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that

# So I had a girlfriend for all of 9 months. She dropped by one afternoon when I was sick with a pan of brownies and a video tape with the simpsons on it (my favorite show). so I start eating the brownies and turn on the tape. midway through it, it cuts to her sucking off some dude. he nuts in her mouth, she looks at the camera, and says "you're dumped. enjoy the brownies" - and spits the mouthful of cum into a bowl of brownie mix. ****ed up huh? I want to die.

# Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
like a network card without the appropriate driver.
Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.

# <@Logan> I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident.
<@Logan> I was thinking "What the hell is this guy doing?"

# * ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
being an ******* -
HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK noodles

# can you guys see what I type?
no, raize
How do I set it up so you can see it?

# do you know of any major organizations that are similar the CDC?
who?
center for disease control
i said WHO
what? i'm asking you
World Health Organization

# *** Signoff: Morpheus (Connection reset by peer)
*** Morpheus (vanford@host-209-214-188-107.clt.bellsouth.net) has joined channel #relax
argh.. that wasn't my speaker cable

# i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file

# i am convinced i am a woman
mp: Why's that?
cuz i went to bed bath and beyond for a shower curtain and left with $700 worth of ****
and i had to go back because i realized after i checked out that i forgot to buy a ****ing shower curtain

# we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
ew.
wait, you "caught" him?
like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)

# wow... spam in my hotmail inbox: "See Girls with buckets of cum all over their faces!
FlipTopBox: Dude. Give them some credit, it's hard to balance a bucket on your face.

# women ask for it
they act all old and mature
and then you stick your cock up their ass
and they get all squeaky
"I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"

# i need to find a used ddr 3rd mix machine
*** Joins: DigDug (digdug@dialup-63.214.200.78.Philadelphia1.Level3.net)
good ****ing luck
you're looking at $8000 wihtout shipping
even used
whatcha talking about, bob?
a filipina chick
the ones you buy in exchange for bringing them to the us
my dad is thinking about helping pay for one so we can stick it in an arcade and make some money

# omg i love this song
Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
blazemore: yeah, that's a bad bellybutton song

# * dregan kicks Yamucha in the nuts
* dregan stamps on Yamucha's neck
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Yamucha
Oh ****.

# "Male masturbation is a personal turn off for me. As a single woman, I'm especially looking for a man who doesn't masturbate, even while he's single."
GOOD LUCK, squeak.

# somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
why don't you put ice on the stairs
and heat up the door knob
and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....

# serluny: how long did it took u to learn c?
ReDPriest:4.5 minutes
serluny:how did u do that?
ReDPriest:i downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do that
serluny:what program
ReDPriest:download **** into your brain v3.1
serluny:how do i download it?
ReDPriest: go to http://www.downloadable-****-for-your-brain.com
serluny:i cant download it something is wrong

# ::: .enter@6.53p> _YOU (harpeet@149.99.97.190)
~ _YOU HAVE RECEIVED A FATAL ERROR, PRESS ALT + F4 TO REPAIR THIS IMMEDIATELY
::: .signoff@6.53p> _YOU (harpeet@149.99.97.190); ...
::: .signoff@6.53p> BlueBold (me@tnt01dla202.winnipeg.escape.ca); Leaving
::: .signoff@6.53p> ic3d (ic3d@64-59-140-156.ivideon.com); Leaving
::: .signoff@6.53p> CoolJeff4 (LoKv70@anolas01-p88.mts.net); Leaving

# I was either going to die now
or get 80% third degree burns atleast
someone had the gas nob opened
I went into kitchen
switched a bulb
and wham
kitchen was filled with one big bellybutton fire ball
woah dude
damn
jesus
If you just blow up your kitchen, and then proceed to get on IRC and tell people about it, you might be a junkie.

# what does putting sugar in someones gas tank do
I heard when you start the engine cinnamon rolls come out
with frosting and everything
i need to get revenge in the worst way
cinnamon rolls arent really revenge

# tetris is so unrealistic

# I think I'm losing it...
evenpar123: Losing what?
my ability to tell the difference between games and reality
Just today, I was driving down a street, and saw a building that had sunlight reflecting off it...
And I thought "Damn....these are some nice graphics..."
It was horrible...
ugh

# *** civicsi was kicked by Raegen (KK: go away jason)
civicsi is jason@adsl-208-188-253-138.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net * Jason Preston
civicsi on #cars
civicsi using irc2.lightning.net Toca's Miracle
civicsi End of /WHOIS list.
*** civicsi (jason@adsl-208-188-253-138.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #cars
uhhh
HOW DID YOU GET MY NAME?
we are l33t
haha he hacked you
shutup jason
how did you do that?
you will be fuct over jason if you act out of line.
Mr Preston
I hope you know that I have logs of all hacking attempts
and I WILL forward them to the DOJ

# [guest27125] hi i am very good at irc, i can script and even hack people on irc,but this real good hacker keeps hacking into me and changing my nick, his name is NickServ

# <`rip> when you go into a job interview
<`rip> and they ask you what 3 of your weaknesses' are
<`rip> what do you say
you tell them that youre indecisive
and then stop talking

# <@Dark_un> is there an actual term for banks lending out money?
<@bytraper> loan
<@Dark_un> i was thinking of the process
<@incorrect> scam

# jesus h christ
'i got tired of that screensaver on that other computer so i turned it off'
my sister hard-shutdown my bsd box.
in the middle of a kernel compile.
not to mention that the little blinky light on the hub was annoying her
so she pulled out that wire too
...
and she managed to rip a wire pair out of the wire.
yet she wants to be a cs major in college.
I would beat her into a coma
dmaster-: im about to. either that or change her aim password so she jumps off a bridge.
pdksh: haha a cs major?
bob354: yeah... 'i like to surf the internet and chat on aim to all my friends all the time so im good with computers and im good at that microsoft wordart. mom said i should go to computer school like you!'

# ok, take the bible in a .txt document and open it in notepad. shift every first letter to the right 1, and save it as an .avi. turns out, its a cumshot vid

# you're like people with bumper stickers.
telling the same lines over and over and over again.
anything witty is only witty once
hey
that would be a good bumper sticker

[Saintaw]

LMAO !

# women ask for it
they act all old and mature
and then you stick your **** up their bellybutton
and they get all squeaky
"I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"

[Animal]

told u i was hardcore

[Gryffin]

LOL! Comedy gold!

[Rasker]

[said to be from an actual IRC chatroom]
*GeorgeBush  (Pretzelfan@ovaloffice.whitehouse.gov) has joined #GulfWar2
*Saddam (Own3r@baghdad.iq) has joined #GulfWar2
 There you are! Your time is up, you banana!
 You calling me a banana?
 I sure am!
<@UN>  Make love not war guys... be nice or I'll have to kickban you!
 Don't worry UN, this will all be over in a matter of minutes
 Hah! You wish!
*GeorgeBush pushes the big red button
 ROFLMAO! 1 Own j00! Be prepared for a biochemical attack!  Your stupid weapons inspectors never found my top secret hiding place!
*GeorgeBush orders his troops to enter Baghdad
 They'll never be able to get in!  Nananananana!
 Wanna bet?
*GeorgeBush orders an airstrike on Saddam's palace
Yeah right.  Your're just making this up.  There's no way you can know my hiding place!
 I already found out.... tracert baghdad.iq
 Airstrike will be there in 30 seconds.  Any last wishes?
 Blow me.
 As I said, Airstrike will be there in a couple of seconds
*Saddam (Own3r@baghdad.iq) Quit (Read Error: Connection reset by peer)
 Hahaha! Die you mofo! DIE!!!
* GeorgeBush was kicked by UN (You need to get some help dude, you are sick...)

[mjolnir]

# So I had a girlfriend for all of 9 months. She dropped by one afternoon when I was sick with a pan of brownies and a video tape with the simpsons on it (my favorite show). so I start eating the brownies and turn on the tape. midway through it, it cuts to her sucking off some dude. he nuts in her mouth, she looks at the camera, and says "you're dumped. enjoy the brownies" - and spits the mouthful of cum into a bowl of brownie mix. ****ed up huh? I want to die.

Wow.  That's just plain wrong.

[Dowding]

That's just plain made up.

[Aaron]

Almost all of those are at http://bash.org/

Check out the top 1-50 and 51-100, lots of those are good. I read random ones from time to time.

Have fun.

[muckmaw]

Best laugh I've had in days!!!

Thanks!

[Saurdaukar]

Originally posted by Dowding
That's just plain made up.

Oh Dowding... if I would have known it was you...

Psst - how were the brownies?  

[Mickey1992]

"There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
That's only 2 types of people, kow.
STUPID

My new favorite site.

[T0J0]

Originally posted by mjolnir
Wow.  That's just plain wrong.

That is to bad to be made up!!!! Girls are that devious!!!