Author Topic: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (Read 671 times)

ra · « **on:** April 28, 2003, 07:36:03 AM »

Feel free to add your own:

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANZ BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

JACQUES CHIRAC
We will veto any resolution regarding non-compliance of the chicken whether it has or has not crossed the road!

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

Hortlund · « **Reply #1 on:** April 28, 2003, 07:42:23 AM »

BLITZ
Ze Chicken is a threat to the US in no way, it is simply redicoculolus.

CRABOFIX
It is all a big american lie. There is no chicken, and it didnt cross the road. And even if it did, it was only because the CIA tricked it to cross the road. Its all about oil.

WEAZEL
"lol" Once again the "lol" conservatives show their fascist agenda "lol". The Christian "lol" right bought the media, and helped dubya steal the elections "lol" so that chimpy can give all the fat contracts to his buddies in the oil business. "lol"

LAZS
Because it wasnt armed.

BORODA
There is no such thing as "chickens" or "roads" you should not believe everything you read in the fabricated history books. It was a bear that crossed a river. Everything else is lies spread by the fascist capitalists.

Ripsnort · « **Reply #2 on:** April 28, 2003, 08:21:02 AM »

Hortland.....SHACK!

Maverick · « **Reply #3 on:** April 28, 2003, 10:03:25 AM »

Hortlund,

WOW!!! Target! Cease fire!

Well done sir! ~~!!!~~

Saurdaukar · « **Reply #4 on:** April 28, 2003, 11:27:31 AM »

Good ****.

cpxxx · « **Reply #5 on:** April 28, 2003, 11:36:20 AM »

Why is it that the real truth always seems to come out in jokes. Both Hortlund and ra hit the spot.

ra · « **Reply #6 on:** April 28, 2003, 11:43:46 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by cpxxx
Why is it that the real truth always seems to come out in jokes. Both Hortlund and ra hit the spot.

Hortlund hit the spot, I just cut'n pasted from an e-mail going around at work.

ra

Toad · « **Reply #7 on:** April 28, 2003, 12:45:57 PM »

Some funny stuff in both of those! Good job.

I'd add this to Boroda's though.

"There is no such thing as "chickens" or "roads" you should not believe everything you read in the fabricated history books. It was a bear that crossed a river. Everything else is lies spread by the fascist capitalists.

Besides, the chicken, rejoicing when it saw the advance of the compassionate Soviet army, immediately plucked every single one of it's own feathers using it's own beak. It then disembowled itself by jumping on a sharpened spit, maliciously and deliberately placed near a hot fire by retreating enemy forces. When the humanitarian Soviet forces arrived, they tried to revive the chicken but alas it was too late because it was laready perfectly coooked. Thus, they did the only reasonable thing and ate the imaginary chicken that was created solely by the lying facist capitalists."

midnight Target · « **Reply #8 on:** April 28, 2003, 01:05:11 PM »

Toad - A little research will show that the chicken crossed the road for the following reasons -

http://www.whydidthechickencrosstheroad.com/

http://www.univox.com/writer/chicken.html

http://www.cgl.uwaterloo.ca/~smann/Humor/chicken.html

beet1e · « **Reply #9 on:** April 28, 2003, 01:11:51 PM »

Knit P38 jabo pilot version

The chicken attempted to cross the road many times in a quest to lay its eggs. Each time, it got run over by a road runner. This caused an egg to fall out out of the dead chicken and break, and hence another chicken came into existence. It had to lay its eggs, and crossed the road only to meet the same fate part way across. Eventually, the great-great-great-great grand-daughter of the original chicken made it across the road, and laid its eggs on top of a French car - the Citroen 2CV.

Saurdaukar · « **Reply #10 on:** April 28, 2003, 01:38:01 PM »

HiTech: T git too the otre sied. Dnot mak fon ov mi speelig.

Stringer · « **Reply #11 on:** April 28, 2003, 02:18:26 PM »

To avoid the FDB's, and it wasn't because of the buffalo wings

Furball · « **Reply #12 on:** April 28, 2003, 02:49:59 PM »

Shane:

It wasnt a chicken, it was a slobberdonkey, and it wasnt crossing - it was running away because it doesnt know how to use itself properly. JOUSTER!

__________________

418 'Hornet' Squadron RCAF

BEVO · « **Reply #13 on:** April 28, 2003, 03:38:01 PM »

Why did Blitz cross the road?
his dick was stuck in the chicken.

midnight Target · « **Reply #14 on:** April 28, 2003, 04:26:49 PM »

hyena426 - to get,,,,,to the,,,,, other,,,,side,,,, of the road,,,, which i have been to ,,,,,,,myself many times.....

Steve Hortlund - Fry the CHICKEN! GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!!! - 10 Years for Jaywalking! Next case!!

SOB - Who gives a crap!

Ripsnort - The chicken saw my porch light on, even though the entire State had been covered in a lava flow that eerily resembled Kentucky Fried batter.

Lazs - !BLAM! what chicken?