Author Topic: The Joy of Farting (Read 1201 times)

funkedup · « **on:** May 08, 2003, 06:51:50 PM »

I got up from my desk, and I had farted so much after lunch that there was still a whole fart stored in my desk chair. I'm so proud.

Furball · « **Reply #1 on:** May 08, 2003, 06:54:04 PM »

you need to remove that 'n' from your name

Sixpence · « **Reply #2 on:** May 08, 2003, 07:00:08 PM »

Stay away from me the day after I eat broccoli. Brutal.

midnight Target · « **Reply #3 on:** May 08, 2003, 07:00:13 PM »

GREENHOUSE GASES!! RUN!!!!!!

Sixpence · « **Reply #4 on:** May 08, 2003, 07:19:28 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by midnight Target
GREENHOUSE GASES!! RUN!!!!!!

They'll turn ya green, that's for sure:(

SunKing · « **Reply #5 on:** May 08, 2003, 07:23:05 PM »

Two banannas and I'm hating life, and anyone near.

Mini D · « **Reply #6 on:** May 08, 2003, 07:25:12 PM »

I was watching a football game with the wife and got up to get another beer. As I walked toward the kitchen, I started the biggest longest loudest burp of my life. The windows shook, the cats all darted out the cat door, the dogs cowered in the corner. I turned and looked at my wife who was just shaking her head and I said to her... "I just wasted the best burp of my life on YOU."

MiniD

Gadfly · « **Reply #7 on:** May 08, 2003, 10:06:20 PM »

Everything Funky one knows, he learned in kindergarten.

"Boys have a noodle, girls have a vagina" Dale Dudley, 1998

Octavius · « **Reply #8 on:** May 08, 2003, 10:08:54 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by SunKing
Two banannas and I'm hating life, and anyone near.

Remove them from your arse and let the gas flow! You wont hate life any longer

Curval · « **Reply #9 on:** May 09, 2003, 07:22:31 AM »

My father used to do the old "Pull my finger routine" when I was a kid. He could really let 'em rip too.

Now he has to live by the age old adage"Never trust a fart when you are over 50". He doesn't dare ask anyone to pull his finger now.

AKIron · « **Reply #10 on:** May 09, 2003, 12:43:19 PM »

Ah, the simple pleasures.

Had an uncle tell me once: "Farts are like success, only your own smells sweet".

Swoop · « **Reply #11 on:** May 09, 2003, 12:58:54 PM »

You kidding? Mine reek.

AKIron · « **Reply #12 on:** May 09, 2003, 01:03:52 PM »

Mine smell like strawberries.

Steve · « **Reply #13 on:** May 09, 2003, 01:29:21 PM »

I am prolific. I realized one of my life long ambitions at Neocon(tradeshow) in Chicago last year. After spending much of the previous evening drinking beer and eating bad food, I entered the elevator in the hotel with over a dozen other people for the 18 floor ride to the lobby. Immediately upon the closure of the elevator doors I leaked out a long, slow, silent bomb. It was devastating. Just as it started to fade(around the 5th floor) I let another go. I could barely keep myself from laughing. I really poisoned the air. I was so pleased.

gofaster · « **Reply #14 on:** May 09, 2003, 01:50:56 PM »

True story...

I'm at work, sort of doing some work but mostly surfing the Internet because my boss doesn't pay me what I'm worth so I take my compensation by working less (that's the American way).

Anyway, one of my coworkers comes over and is trying to be helpful by showing me how to identify a new network printer down the hall so I don't have to walk so far to my favorite printer (conveniently located so that I get to walk by the only pretty girl on the floor). I clandestinely close my Yahoo News window and tell him "here, take the commander's seat and have at it." He sits down while I look over his shoulder. He opens this, that, and the other thing, then clicks the mouse a few times and says "well, you don't have the same menu as I do. Let me try this..." and he proceeds to open a few menus and try different logical paths.

Now, some background on this guy. Before I joined the department, there was a "team outing" where workers brought their spouses for a day of fun and team-building exercises. He brought ... a stripper! Seems he was romantically involved with her, thought he had something solid, but she was taking him for a ride, pretty much using him to fund her lifestyle. When his money ran tight, she ran off. He also likes to eat with his mouth open - pretty disgusting at the office Christmas luncheon. He usually gets a corner seat because nobody wants to get stuck sitting next to him.

Anyway, he got so engrossed in what he was doing that he forgot my officemate and I were behind him watching, and as my laptop is reciting its error message "I find your lack of faith disturbing!" (Darth Vader .wav file) he decides to let loose with one right into my seat. I look at my office mate, he looks at me, to confirm what we thought we just heard. El Farto must've heard us gasp and realized what he'd done, so he quickly closed out the window and said "Well, it looks like I can't help you" and walked out. I just stood there, stunned.

Nobody in the department ever let him sit in their seats ever again, and eventually he gave up trying to befriend us with his dubious assistance.