Employee's revenge at Work

[GrimCO]

Just start farting loudly on a regular basis...  Their reaction will soon turn from laughter to dismay.

[Octavius]

LOL Curval!!  I feel embarrassed FOR you

[OIO]

let her know how much you appreciate her sharing that moment with others.

Im serious, that sincerity cheese works both ways. Make her feel like crap in return.


Anyway, my story:

Back when I was in high school (for those of you that dont know, im from Colombia, S. America) , we had a real f%$# jerk for a math teacher.

And I mean MAJOR jerk. The kind of teacher that makes you stand in front of the class to make you look like an idiot, humiliates you in public, etc etc. just so 'you perform' better in class. A reall stunninghunk who to boot had a 'i am god' attitude..heck not even the other teachers liked him.

Before I go on, FYI my school was an american school and all of our teachers were 'imported' , most were Americans, others were Canucks and Brits. This math teacher had been contracted at the start of that school year and was his first time 'outside' the USA.

So after a month my classmates and our own science teacher (Canadian) got so fed up with the fediddleer we decided to get a little payback, albeit one that would not get any of us in trouble or the teacher fired.

We invited him to dinner. A typical dish (best described as a fish stew with yucca, potato, herbs and of course, minced fish).

The fediddleer went down with omeabas for the next 2 months.

The guy ignored the warnings given to all new teachers about not eating native foods until they had been in the country for at least 6 months and had received all their innoculation shots.

Best of all, it was my British physics teacher that suggested we take him out to dinner, he had been in the country for 15 years and he remembered what happened to him when he first arrived

[Mini D]

Cpt Apathy... now those are the types of pranks I remember.

Curval... your only hope is that you can catch that girl farting (or just fart near her and blame her) and say loud enough for others to hear "that fart wasn't bad, but you'll never be the king".

We used to do all the generic pranks.  Most involved grease on a telephone ear peice or a newer and even more creative use for duct tape.  A couple of the better ones:

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We typed up a memo on official letterhead telling someone they needed to go in for a sperm count.  He actually went into the nurse claiming he was ready for the test.  The nurse didn't think it was funny.

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In the Air Force, we had to wear resperators and special gloves to do alot of the painting of our weapons systems.  Someone commented how it looked like we were cleaning up a toxic spill when an idea occured to us.  We placed a sign face down outside of the door and poured some "aircraft soap" onto the floor (it smells a bit like amonia, though not very strong).  After ordering a part, we new the stores runner would be by within 15 minutes and had two guys with the respirators and a mop out on the floor.  They instantly noticed the stores runner and told him he'd entered a toxic chemical spill area.  Someone went outside and got the sign to show him which said "DANGER! HAZARDOUS CHEMICAL SPILL.  DO NOT ENTER!"  You should have seen the look on the guys face.  He was rushed into one of the adjoining rooms where they called "poison control" (me in another room in back)

Me:  "What's your ssn"
Him: gives me his SSN
Me:  "What was the name of the chemical you were exposed to"
Him: says our made up chemical name
Me: "Are you currently on any medication?"
Him: "No"
Me: "I'm going to need you to do a few things for me..."
Him: "OK"
Me: "First, I'll need you to take off your boots and socks and tell me if your toenails are turning blue"
Him: "Both boots?"
Me: "No... just one"
Him: "They don't look blue"
Me: "O.K. I'm going to need you to lie on your back and take a couple of deep breaths."
Him: "O.K."
Me: "Do you have a bitter taste in your mouth?"
Him: "Kinda"
Me: "Are you sure you're not on any medication?"
Him: "well... I am taking motrin."
Me: "OH ****!  I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!"

That is when the guy turned completely pale and the gents in the room could not hold their laughter any more.  He called everyone an ******* and stormed out never to speak to any of us again... despite delivering parts to us for another 2 years.  It wasn't until they guys heard the other end of the conversation (they were in the room with him.. not me) that they really lost it.

Bored soldiers are a scary thing.

MiniD

[loser]

Originally posted by Curval
I'm going to use this thread as a way to figure out how to get back at someone at the office.

About 8 months ago I was working late.  I was standing beside the printer waiting for some reports to print when our student auditor walked past.  She is a great girl and organises all of the fun stuff at the office..parties, boating trips, bowling nights etc etc.

Anyway, as she walked past me she playfully poked me in the side.  Unbeknownst to her I was in the process of letting go with a silent stalker...there were a couple of others in the office and I wanted the fart to be quiet.  But, when she poked me in the side I clenched...my silent stalker turned into a...umm...rather loud exhibitionist.  

There was absolutely no-one else to blame and no way to disguise what had just happened.  The girl burst into hysterics and was still laughing when I left the office about a half hour later.  She was on her way out too...to a get together with all the girls in our audit department.

She was still laughing when she arrived at the gathering, immediately prompting the question "What is so funny?"  She told them....the little  &^$%$^%^%#^%.

At the office Christmas party my secret Santa present was a can of baked beans, a roll of toilet paper, a scented candle and a can of air freshener.  This prompted a whole pile of "What is the significance of those gifts?" questions.  Needless to say everyone was then informed of my accidental flatulence.

SO....how do I get her back?  It can't be cruel or disgusting in any way.  It needs to be subtle, clever and something that makes me look good, not an prettythanghole.

Please advise.

You got off lucky man.  This happened to me at work about 2 months ago.  Except for a playful little poke it was more of a jab to the kidney.

I had a ton of draft beer the night before and had the classic "green apple splatters" that usually result from a night of stein hoisting.

Needless to say after a full on pant crapping I had to go home for a change of pants.

me

[boxboy28]

Shoot i can fart at work ori  get written up!

Few months back i had made a nice big pot of 15 BEAN and Beef soup,   well need less to say even when you try to hold some farts they are always so quiet,  i had a few escapees , well a girl (black educated but getto) i work with squeaked to my sup.s and i got written up for farting in the office!

Of cousre NO ONE ELSE EVER FARTS in the office (ya right) so the sup and HR girl tell me if you have a bowel problem the goto the bathroom ,   lol I say well if i can make it in time but do you really want this type of thing spread through out the office.....................

they say in silence and said just keep them quite!

[Vulcan]

I got done for 'excessive flatulance' in the office, we had a real ***** working with us. She complained about all sorts of stuff. I had enough so I infected her PC with SubSeven (a remote control trojan).

Turns out she spent most of her day emailed her buddies from work. She was the sort that looks at her keyboard while she types. When she has going hard out typing up an email I'd disable her space bar. Ever seen an entire screen of text without spaces?

Then occasionally we'd load up porn sites in her browser - which would show up in the proxy 'dodgey' websites report.

Then ever now and then we'd swap her mouse button functionality (ie left became right and visa versa). She'd run off and get a techie, so we'd switch it back just as the techie was checking it out. By about the 4th support call he was getting mighty suspect about her. One time she got so peeved she actually PUSHED the button through the mouse.

Then (via Subseven) we found out she had been sending emails to one of our suppliers rep's. These emails made Penthouse Forum look like an episode of Little House on the Prairie.  One of the managers found out about the 'emails' and decided he wanted a copy. So when she went out lunch next he rushed to her PC before the screensaver kicked in, found the emails printed them, rushed to the printer to retrieve them and waited... and waited... and waited.

Unfortunately for him he forgot to change her default printer which was our Head Office warehouse printer (so we could print of picking slips to them).  And of course her screen saver kicked in so he couldn't kill the print job. So he follows up with a call to our warehouse guys "theres something on the printer, its EXTREMELY confidential and personal, can you tear it up and throw it in the rubbish without reading it please".

I think that was the closest I've ever come to wetting myself while laughing.

[Puke]

There are a couple of you I'm going to be avoiding sitting next to at any possible AH convention where we might meet.  And you can take the elevator all on your own too.

[rpm]

I won't even begin to tell you the things I saw happen in the Wardroom Mess...

[SKurj]

http://www.syberpunk.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?page=boonga

SKurj

[krazyhorse]

when i took a temp job at a sheet metal factory, i was put on a sheer with some guy that had been there awhile and quite the joker, me being young and dumb,actually beleived there was such a thing as a sheetmetal strecher and after asking about 12 people figured out that this was a routine with all newbs in there plant. well i slept on it that night, went into work the next day with a plan, see we all wore gloves so as not to get yer hands cut to hell, during lunch i packed my finger tips of my right glove with ketchup packs from the canteen , me and the other dude ran of about 10 clean sheers then i decided it was payback time, i slid the gfingertips of the gloves under there sheer blade  of course my fingers being held way back, but from his angle he couldn't see this, BOOM down comes the sheers , red ketchup all over the place ,i'm  screaning going omg omg, the fugger looks over and passes out, he didnt hit nuthing, several off the shop guys come over  reveive the basterd, i told them  i just don't like being F^^% with, i got **** canned next day for it  but that one was worth it:D , and i bet he thought twice about screwing with anyone else.

[JB73]

i worked in a photo lab and 1 night we told this loser noone liked we were gunning out of matte paper (satin finish to thoes outside the industry).

the building had no basemant like most factorties... yet we sent this fool on a search for de-glossifier spray. told him it was like aqua net hair spray.

he spent like 3 hours looking for the door to the basemant LOL

[Curval]

lol...

The construction businesses here plays jokes like that on their new employees.

One guy on our crew (summer job) spent an entire afternoon going from hardware store to hardware store looking for a "round" square as instructed by one of the masons.  It is a pretty standard joke in the business so every time he asked a guy at one store he would tell the guy they were out of them and to try the next one.

[capt. apathy]

I used to work with a guy who pissed of his wife.  he unpacks his lunch 6 hours into a 12 hour shift.  his sandwich is bread, mustard and a polaroid pic of a slice of ham.

[Dune]

Two of the best I've heard of:

I used to work at a GMC dealership and one of the managers was the type of person you didn't play jokes on.  Becuase he would get you back so badly that the only revenge would be to shot him.  Anyways, one of the (new) salesmen screwed with his office and Benny just waited.  For about a month.  Then, one night while we were at the bar, Benny put horse wormer in this guy's drink.  The guy sat down and took a few sips, then he got this funny look on his face and made a move for the bathroom.  He didn't take two steps before he filled both of his pantlegs.  

The other was relayed to me by a friend of my dad's who was in the Air Force.  He was stationed at some base up north where they had civilian contracter snow plow operators.  Of course they hated to be woken up in the middle of the night to go plow the runway.  On top of that, the Air Force guys had a little "joke" they'd play on the newbies.  They would pour used hydralic fluid into a snow bank and then cover it up so the snow plow driver couldn't see it.  Then, as the snow plow would get near the drift, they'd call him on the radio and ask if he'd seen one of the sentries because they hadn't heard from him in awhile.  Just then the snow coming out of the snow blower would turn bright red....