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Offline _Schadenfreude_

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Lawyers
« on: July 18, 2003, 09:52:17 AM »
From court proceedings...

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
A: No
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No
Q: So,...... then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No
Q: How can you be sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar?
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
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Offline pugg666

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« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2003, 10:53:34 AM »
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

there's skid marks in front of the dog.


What do you do if you see a lawyer that's drowning?

push his head under water!


Sorry Syz :D
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Offline Leslie

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« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2003, 11:41:02 AM »
Lawyers aren't all that bad.   They're just people.:D





Les
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Offline WestyAH

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« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2003, 11:55:20 AM »
"They're just people. "

 So is soylent green.
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Offline gofaster

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« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2003, 12:16:25 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by WestyAH
"They're just people. "

 So is soylent green.


That's classic!
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Offline Scootter

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« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2003, 03:02:16 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by WestyAH
"They're just people. "

 So is soylent green.


I am calling my lawyer now to get you to pay for my coffee stained CRT.

LMAO :D :D
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Offline Mini D

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« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2003, 03:43:51 PM »
A trial lawyer, a buisness lawyer and a patent attourney all jump off the top of a building at the same time.

Q: Which one would hit first?
A: Who cares.

3 of us went golfing... and we were assigned a 4th by the marshal.  As we progressed, we were talking and one of the party asked the 4th what he did for a living.  He replied "I'm a used car salesman."  There was a long pause before I looked at him and said "Well... at least you're not a lawyer."

MiniD
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Offline Syzygyone

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I keep telling you .....
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2003, 11:49:44 PM »
All of you lawyer bashers are subject to the lawyer basher curse.  Just watch.  All of you will die.  Being a lawyer, I am authorized to guarantee that all of you will die.  You won't know when but you will die.  I keep trying to tell you this.  Why don't you listen.

:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
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Offline Maverick

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Lawyers
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2003, 07:22:14 PM »
Q. What do you call 500 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
A. A shortage of sand.

Q what is the differance between a catfish and a lawyer?
A. One is a cold blooded scum sucking slimey bottom feeder and the other is a fish.
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DEFINITION OF A VETERAN
A Veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a check made payable to "The United States of America", for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Offline ra

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« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2003, 07:31:17 PM »
Quote
Being a lawyer, I am authorized to guarantee that all of you will die.

Woohoo!  We're immortal!
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Offline rogwar

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« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2003, 08:57:30 PM »
If you ever wind up really needing one to save your ass, it does provide an alternative viewpoint. Thankfully I have never needed one like that but family and friends have, and they saved their arses when it was in the process of being skinned.

However, after being around lawyers for a lengthy time period, I just want a nice bubble bath and some Kenny G.....it's difficult to get clean again. LOL :D

I've been drinking.
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