(Flashback resumes. A ceiling tile with two sprinkler and an air vent walks up to Space Ghost, who is still lying on the floor.)
C. Ling Tile: So, Ghost. We meet again.
Space Ghost: C. Ling!
C. Ling Tile: That's right. I'm back.
Space Ghost: The pleasure is mine.
C. Ling Tile: No, no, no. Correction: The pleasure is all for me! (He starts spraying water on Space Ghost's head) Sprinkler! Sprinkler!
Space Ghost: No!
C. Ling Tile: Ho-HO!
Space Ghost: Tap water!
C. Ling Tile: (laughs) Now I will freeze you! At 60 degrees! Cool air vent! Go! (starts blowing air on Space Ghost)
Space Ghost: Agh!
C. Ling Tile: Go together!
Space Ghost: He's lowering the temperature of my body!
C. Ling Tile: Oh-ho-ho!
Space Ghost: It's all right. Contact Facilities!
C. Ling Tile: You...(bangs Space Ghost on the head)...deal with it!
Space Ghost: Son of a...
C. Ling Tile: Ha ha ha!
Space Ghost: Time to hang, Tile!
C. Ling Tile: Asbestos powder! (Start spraying powder in Space Ghost's face)
Space Ghost: Agh!
C. Ling Tile: Get up! Get up and face the powder!
Space Ghost: No!
C. Ling Tile: (sniffs) Mmmm! Mmmmm! Suck it in, Ghost! And prepare to die!
Space Ghost: Not while I'm alive! Medical school!
(Space Ghost summons a glowing ball of energy)
C. Ling Tile: Hey! Stop!
Moltar: Space Ghost has mastered the five magics!
Space Ghost: May cause drowsiness!
C. Ling Tile: No!
Space Ghost: From your coffin!
C. Ling Tile: You don't have to throw that!
Space Ghost: Because you're dead! (Space Ghost throws the ball, causing C. Ling Tile to burst into flames)
C. Ling Tile: Hey! That hurts! No!
Space Ghost: Well, it looks like C. Ling will fit in perfectly...on the roof...in jail!
Zorak: He sure will, Space Ghost!
Space Ghost: Moltar, that's one tile that needs to be replaced!
Zorak: It sure does, Space Ghost!
Space Ghost: Shut up, Zorak!
Zorak: (blink) (blink)
Space Ghost: You make me sick.
Zorak: I do, don't I?
(All laugh)
Space Ghost: Now, don't we have some sex to take care of?
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) Yes.
(All laugh again as the flashback ends)
Space Ghost: That's how I defeated C. Ling and then, of course, did sex. (pause) It was all action, Jerry. Magic and action.
Jerry Springer: Unbelievable.
Space Ghost: And yet, very true. And yet, very true.
Moltar: You're insane! You never even took your clothes off!
Space Ghost: Of course I didn't! It was sex!
Moltar: That's some kind of sex!
Space Ghost: Moltar, I will spin your head so fast it'll collect its own atmosphere...with gravity.
Moltar: What?
Space Ghost: And you'll be dead!
Moltar: Why?
Space Ghost: Because you weren't alive back then.
Zorak: Well, that ain't how I remember it - AT ALL!
Space Ghost: What was that? Oh, the lying machine just turned on!
Jerry Springer: Uh, tell me your story.
Zorak: First off, I was lookin' real good.
Space Ghost: Oh, here we go.
(Flashback to Zorak with a big black Gene Simmons-like wig and sideburns)
Zorak: (voice-over) Anyway, Space Ghost was droning on and on about he packs for trips...
Space Ghost: ...pairs of underwear. And I always bring one entire knapsack full of soap.
Sarah Jessica Parker: Um, and you are?
Space Ghost: Space Ghost.
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) Right. Uh, is your full name "Space Ghost Coast to Coast" or is it just "Space Ghost"?
Space Ghost: Uh, I don't know. Hey! Want to see how high I can jump?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Hmm...
Space Ghost: I can jump high! I can go real high!
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) No, I thought maybe you were joking.
Space Ghost: Okay! Here goes! (takes off) Weeeeeeeee!!!
(Sarah Jessica Parker hides her face in her hands as Space Ghost bounces around the studio)
Zorak: (voice-over) That went on for....EVER! Luckily, Boston came by and picked me up.
(We cut to outside GPI, where a spaceship with the Boston logo hovers to beam Zorak up. "Cool the Engines" starts playing in the background)
Space Ghost: (voice-over) Oh bull!
Zorak: They said they needed a keyboardist and I said, "I'm your man-tis!"
(Zorak gets beamed up to Boston's space ship)
Space Ghost: Aggh...
Zorak: So long, suckers!
(The Boston ship blasts off going at least Mach 4 in a blast of stars)
Zorak: And off we went!
Space Ghost: (singing) That's a lie!
Zorak: They had this really cool ship! There was this whole freakin' city on a flyin' UFO guitar, powered by rock 'n' roll!
Space Ghost: LIE!
Zorak: Boston rocks!
Space Ghost: And where did your friends, Boston, take you?
Zorak: They were on their way to populate a new world where everyone would just rock forever!
Space Ghost: That a LIE!!!
Zorak: All right! Who wants to ROCK?! There was not a life form we didn't rock. (The Boston ship streaks across the horizons of several planets where various creatures "rock out" to their irresistable heavy Boston sound) Is everybody ready to rock?! Yeah! Play some guitar!! Catch it! Man and mantis, rocking side-by-side. We're gonna rock your face! Ow! Who's ready to ROCK 'N' ROLL?!? Me and Boston: just like that. We rocked everyone we met. Oh god, it was beautiful. And when they were all rocked out, they dropped me off at home. THANKS, BOSTON! THAT ROCKED!! HEY BOSTON! KEEP ON ROCKIN'!!
(The Boston ship departs after dropping Zorak off)
Zorak: Those guys know how to rock. (Space Ghost is still bouncing around the studio)
Space Ghost: Like G.I. Joe! With his pants blown off! In the war! Aggh! Incoming! (Space Ghost lands head-first behind his desk)
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing)
Space Ghost: See that? I touched the ceiling!
(A ceiling tile hits Space Ghost in the head)
Zorak: And that's when you started cryin' for Momma!
Space Ghost: (crying) Mom-maaaaaa!!! (voice-over) I wasn't saying "Momma," I was saying, "Trauma." Like the kind I was about to dish out.
(Flashback ends)
Space Ghost: I was announcing it before-hand.
Zorak: To your Momma.
Space Ghost: Besides, if I cried, it was because of kung-fu lasers...and starvation.
(Pause)
Jerry Springer: Why don't you explain that?
Zorak: Yeah, explain it.
Space Ghost: This is all a damned lie!
Jerry Springer: Um...
Space Ghost: Don't listen to him, Jerry! I'll blow your brains clear into that river bank, Zorak.
Zorak: Yeah, sure you will. (drinks from his coffee mug)
Jerry Springer: But you were friends. Why would you do that?
Space Ghost: Why are you always trying to get ahead of me, mantis?
Moltar: You're all lyin'!
Jerry Springer: Oh. Moltar!
Space Ghost: That's right, Jerry. Moltar.
(Flashback starts)
Moltar: First of all, I had the beautiful rock hair.
(Now Moltar has the long, Gene Simmons hair with a black-and-white striped loverboy head-band. He reads a book)
Moltar: Space Ghost was in the thing, talking to... someone.
(Cut to the set, where the guest monitor shows a toy monkey playing the cymbals. The ceiling tile falls in slow motion.)
Space Ghost: (in slow motion) Oh no!
(Moltar switches the screen to various static-filled screens and test patterns)
Moltar: I had everything under control, as usual. When all of the sudden...
Voice: (whispering) Psst! Hey buddy!
Moltar: Who said that?
Voice: Me.
(A red sports car pulls up to Moltar and crashed into the control console)
Moltar: Where's the driver?
Car: I'm a talking car.
Moltar: Why are you here?
Car: Why is anyone here?
(The car backs out of the control room)
Moltar: Whoa.
(Flashback ends)
Moltar: And that was when I decided I just need to spent a lot more time in church.
(The group stares silently)
Space Ghost: A talking car. Really.
Moltar: No, you know what? I told it wrong. I had broken my lungs, that's what it was. And I was in the process of gluing them back together. So there I am..
(Flashback resumes)
Moltar: ...and I start hearing this scary piano music. (scary piano music in background) So I turn around and there's this guy standing there.
(A clown is standing behind Moltar. He's holding a sharp object.)
Moltar: And he's wearing this mask, and I'm like, "What's up with that?" And he's got this knife, and he just starts coming at me, and the knife's like going, "Drrrvvv! Drrrvvvv! Drrrrvv!"
