Thurs Jul 31, 7:09 PM ET
KANSAS CITY - CO of the 13th TAS squadron of Aces High, "Rude" died today of suspected heart failure due to what has been described by the coroners office as "overstimulation".
Rude, who led his squadron of Runstangs for the country of Bishlandia had made a career of running away from fights and achieved his life's dream of becoming the first astronaut to reach space in a WWII-era aircraft, was found on his couch clutching a bottle of hand lotion with one hand and his chest with the other. He was naked from the waist down and was facing his television which was displaying a DVD movie called "Wild Women at War: The Lurid Adventures of Girls and their 'Guns'" which was set on repeat.
"This was just terribly unexpected. I don't understand why he would watch something like that," current TAS member Toad, said tearfully. "I knew Rude and that's just not like him, he's a sheep man all the way."
Rude was well known for his barnyard antics, often touching down in a field after a successful mission to "celebrate". His antics were at first scorned by local farmers, but they soon grew to tolerate his "wool fetish"; the term they used to describe his insatiable desire for his four-legged friends.
"We didn't always see eye to eye," local farmer Jim-bob Thorson told us. "But I'll be damned if my flock didn't look forward to his visits."
He also gave back to the local community to which he payed so many visits. Running charity events for sheep welfare, and supplying most of the local farmers with free wool conditioner and animal-safe makeup. In the days before his death, he led a march down to Bishop HQ to protest the government's opposition of sheep cloning.
"He was working hard to share his love of sheep with the world and rally to the cause of sheepkind," said TAS pilot Milo. "He wanted to be a champion in the eyes of his wooley companions."
Rude is survived by the small flock of sheep he dubbed his "Hoofed Harem". He will be creamated, his remains placed in a jumbo sized container of sheep dip, and be shot into space in accordance with his will.
"The higher I am, the happier I am, send me into orbit one last time..." -Rude