A little mid-week humor

[Saurdaukar]

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

[DiabloTX]

LMAO!!

[Leslie]

A lawyer went duck hunting in rural Oklahoma.  He shot and dropped a bird,
 but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
 
 As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
 tractor and asked him what he was doing.
 The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now
I'm going to retrieve it."
 
 The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over
 here."
 
 The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in
 Oklahoma  and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
 everything you own."
 
 The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle
 disputes in these parts of Oklahoma.  We settle small disagreements like
 this with the Okie  Three Kick Rule."
 
 The lawyer asked, "What's that?"
 
 The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I
 kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and
 forth until someone gives up."
 
 The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that
 he could easily take the old codger.  He agreed to abide by the local
 custom.
 
 The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
 attorney.  His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work
 boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.  His second
 kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
 The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear
 end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.  
 
 The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
 Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot.
 Now it's my turn."
 
 The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up.  You can have the duck."

[culero]

ROTFLMAO

culero

[Snork]

Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice to see you. What's happening?"

Condoleeza: "Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China."

George: "Great. Tell me !!!"

Condoleeza: "Hu is the new leader of China."

George: "That's what I want to know."

Condoleeza: "That's what I'm telling you."

George: "That's what I'm asking you.  Who is the new leader of China?"

Condoleeza: "Yes."

George: "I mean the fellow's name."

Condoleeza: "Hu."

George: "The guy in China."

Condoleeza: "Hu."

George: "The new leader of China."

Condoleeza: "Hu."

George: "The Chinaman!"

Condoleeza: "Hu is leading China."

George: "Now whaddya' asking me for?"

Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China."

George: "Well, I'm asking you.  Who is leading China?"

Condoleeza: "That's the man's name."

George: "That's whose name?"

Condoleeza: "Yes."

George: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
East."

Condoleeza: "That's correct."

George: "Then who is in China?"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Yassir is in China?"

Condoleeza: "No, sir."

George: "Then who is?"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Yassir?"

Condoleeza: "No, sir."

George: "Look, Condoleeza. I need to know the name of the new leader of
China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone."

Condoleeza: "Kofi?"

George: "No, thanks."

Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?"

George: "I Said No!!!"

Condoleeza: "You don't want Kofi."

George: "No, But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And
then get me the U.N."

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N."

Condoleeza: "Kofi?"

George: "Milk! Will you please make the call?"

Condoleeza: "And call who?"

George: "Who is the guy at the U.N?"

Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in China."

George: "Will you stay out of China?!"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "And stay out of the Middle East!  Just get me the guy at the U.N."

Condoleeza: "Kofi."

George: "All right! With cream and two sugars.  Now get on the phone."

[Maverick]

A hillbilly got married, and on his wedding night he
calls his father for advice on what to do since he had
never been intimate with a woman before.

We're in the bedroom, Pa.  What do we do now?"

Thinking that nature will take its course, the father
replied, "Take her clothes off and then you both get
in bed."

The hillbilly calls his dad 5 minutes later and says,
"She's nekid and we're in bed.  What do I do now?"

Knowing his son wasn't the brightest crayon in the
box, his dad asked, "Did you take your clothes off,
too?"

No," the son replies.

Well, take your clothes off and get back in bed with
her."

The son calls back a few minutes later and says,
"We're both nekid and in bed.  What do I do now?"

The father's patience is quickly running out, and he
growls, "Look, son, do I have to spell everything out?
 Just stick the hardest thing on your body where she
pees!"

The son calls again a minute later.  "Ok, Pa. I've got
my head in the toilet bowl.  Now what?"