Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil,"
Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of
Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than
that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his
State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as
Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the
best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of
Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar
al-Assad. "An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained
Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition.
In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis.
So you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked
cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift,
as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status
in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia
said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to
join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while
Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really
As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly
Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia
formed the Axis of Nations
That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About
America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis
of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.
"That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said
Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell. While wondering if
the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a
cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected
the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay,"
accusing one of its members of filing a false application.
Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.