Low-Level Mutants:
This section is the basic annoyances you run into everywhere you go. They're not too bad, relative to everyone else.
Name: Generic Idiot
Annoyance Level: Minimal - Medium
Characteristics: Likes rap music. Rarely capitalizes or uses any form of punctuation. Will argue for days about topics they know nothing about. Will prevent any form of intelligent conversation by throwing random insults and/or random meaningless arguments until they've been belittled enough to make them go away.
How To Spot: Very easy to spot. Illegible sentences are usually a dead giveaway, especially when accompanied by praise for reality TV and rap.
How To Destroy: You can argue with them until you turn blue. If given enough time in an argument, they'll eventually go away. It's much more advised to just ignore them, however, and spare yourself the mind-numbing stupidity that will be ejaculated all over your screen.
Comments: Don't be too hard on them. They'll be serving you next time you're at McDonalds.
Name: AOLer
Annoyance Level: Minimal - Medium
Characteristics: Terrible grammatical and spelling skills. Poor connection. Random accusations that the internet is AOL. A family tree that does not branch.
How To Spot: They often blend right in with the generic idiot, until you look a little bit deeper. They all think they're knowlegable on computers, yet at the same time have more viruses than a cheap hooker. They will try to seduce your 12 year old daughter, or pretend to be her.
How To Destroy: Packet flood them with your home connection. Don't worry. Your minor DSL or cable connection would be more than enough to drown them.
Comments: Have you ever seen Crank Yankers, when they had the retard doing the "I've got mail" bit? He's one of the smart ones.
Name: Sprite Comic Artist
Annoyance Level: Minimal - Medium
Characteristics: Often has MegaMan or Final Fantasy sprites saying stupid things in stupid situations and claiming that their bull**** is art. Has no talent.
How To Spot: Search for "****ty web comic" or "8 Bit Theater." (Brandon - Dammit, I like 8-Bit!)
How To Destroy: You can't, unfortunately, but you can avoid going to their site altogether.
Comments: Look! It's MegaMan! That's so zany. Look! He's doing zany thing! That's so zany.
Name: Stupid Chat Room Occupant
Annoyance Level: Medium
Characteristics: Is not a girl. Is not the age they proclaim to be. Does not belong to the picture they show you. Is not as cool as they say they are. Somehow thinks they will score and be some major player online.
How To Spot: Go to any general purpose teen chat room. Pick any one person. There's a 90% chance that they are a SCRO. Also, if they seem to have accomplished a lot, seem to have some skills, have an attractive picture, or boast some random talent, they are a SCRO. If they claim they are a 19 year old lesbian from Sweden that's 5'9, 95 lbs with a DD breast size that likes video games, they are definitely a SCRO.
How To Destroy: If you're the channel mod, ban them. If you're not, chances are you can't because they outnumber you by about 1,000,000:1 or so. It's possible that you can send them to goatse.cx when they inevitably ask for your picture, which should scare anyone. Keep sending them inappropriate pictures, and eventually their mom will see one and ground him from the internet.
Comments: None.
Medium-Level Mutants:
You might never meet one of these people, which is probably a good thing. People such as the following are disgusting, disturbed individuals who seriously need to, for lack of better words, get a ****ing life. And with no further adieu, the freak show.
Name: Anime *****
Annoyance Level: Medium - High
Characteristics: Suffers from culture collision. Speaks mostly English, with Japanese thrown in for the hell of it. Has an Asian fetish.
How To Spot: Uses Japanese words when English words do nicely. Uses an obscene amount of anime-ish smilies, like ^_^ ¡^_^¡ (^v^)/ w(@_@)w d(-_^).
How To Destroy: Say dubbed anime is better. This will throw them into a frenzy and they will inevitably have a hernia and pass out.
Comments: Man, won't they be disapointed when they find tenticles don't ACTUALLY **** everything with a hole! Or... you know... exist.
Name: Grammar Nazi
Annoyance Level: Minimum - High
Characteristics: Knows English. Likes to share that knowledge. Probably hates you personally. Has too much time on their hands.
How To Spot: Will correct your misuse of a hyphen. Rages on your lack of capitalization. Thinks use of proper linguistic syntax reflects intelligence and worth as a human.
How To Destroy: Speak in an language not of their native tongue. Learn to spell and formulate proper sentences.
Comments: This is not to be confused with people who actually like to be able to read what the Generic Idiot types.
Name: Linux Zealot
Annoyance Level: High
Characteristics: Will randomly pipe in about how linux is far superior to any Windows OS. Often spells Microsoft as Micro$oft. Derives sexual pleasure from kernel recompilation. Has some sort of personal vendetta towards Bill Gates, but would trade lives in a second.
How To Spot: They'll be the ones starting flame wars about operating systems in a conversation about cake, animals, video games, astrophysics, sports, or anything in general. They'll start posts blasting the flaws of windows.
How To Destroy: Just remind them that you either now, or will in the future, have a girlfriend, and all he's got is that penguin.
Comments: Linux is nifty of course, but I needn't point that out every minute of my life. Compiling the kernel is fun and all, but I don't get my jollies off it.
Name: Mac User
Annoyance Level: High
Characteristics: Has a very expensive computer, and if he spent that much on a PC, it'd actually do something. Only plays games by Blizzard or Adobe. Will rant and rave at the inadequacies of your PC. Worships the iPod like it's the second coming.
How To Spot: They're the hippy-like people that are often ignored/lambasted and are bashing every aspect of your computer. Never is really doing anything on their computer, mostly because there's not a whole lot to do.
How To Destroy: Challenge them to a game not made by Blizzard that is not Photoshop Ask them how much their paperweight was.
Comments: iMac therefore iSuc.
High-Level Mutants:
If by chance you belong to one of the following groups, please reconsider your life. The best way of doing this is by injecting a led object through one side of your head to the other at a high velocity... many times. You seriously are human trash. You're an abortion that failed.
Name: ****ing Retard
Annoyance Level: Impossibly High
Characteristics: Claims they are a vampire. Claims vampires exist. Thinks similarly of other mythological creatures. Acts like they're better than everybody. Points out errors in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
How To Spot: Writes ****ty poetry. Sometimes spells vampire as vampyre. Refers to people as "them." Is like a goth, but to the extreme. Jokes about drinking blood.
How To Destroy: Send an anonymous tip to the US Department of Homeland Security that this person is a terrorist. They'll be out of your hands soon enough.
Comments: Wow. Holy angsty teen - TO THE EXTREME. I sincerely can not express my hatered for them enough.
Name: Disgusting Pervert
Annoyance Level: Impossibly High
Characteristics: A furry lover, to people in the know. Either believe that they have the spirit of an animal in a human body, or want to have sex with an anthromorphic animal, or both. Creates gut-wrenching abominations of art.
How To Spot: Sends everyone the disgusting link with pictures of animals with huge genitals have sex with each other. Wonders why everyone hates them.
How To Destroy: Say, "Animals are meant to be hunted with high power rifles, are they not?"
Comments: Are these real people? Seriously? How many chromosomes must they be missing to enjoy something like this? I feel sorrow for their pets.
Name: No-Good Dog ****
Annoyance Level: Indescribable
Characteristics: Suffers from such great illusions of grandeur that they proclaim they have outrageous feats and are key to the survival of the world and such. Says, and I **** you not, that their psychic powers are so great, that if they die the world will be ripped apart. **** you clown!
How To Spot: They are so unbelievably dumb you want to kill yourself to not put have to put up with their insane bull****.
How To Destroy: Well you obviously can't, otherwise you'd destroy the world... *SHAKES HEAD*
Comments: I'm not even making this one up... That hurts me inside.
Name: Insult To Injury Writer
Annoyance Level: Impossibl - What? *Banned*
Characteristics: Writes words in attempt to make the funny. Often hates large groups of people.
How To Spot: Has their name written in the bios section of the site. Does almost no work.
How To Destroy: Nothing short of a blade forged from the souls of the unborn through the heart.
Comments: Flying squirrels, to the rescue!
That's some. Of course, there's more. There has to be. Included could be people who make websites about their cat, weremooses, and people who make websites about their weremooses. The possibilities are only limited by the imaginations of yadda yadda yadda. I hate writing conclusions. Here, watch the book fly around with the lights, or go battle terminator ninjas or something
