What exactly will load the server?
Most everyone's computers will be able to handle the extra wreck and smoke on the ground, say for 5-10 minutes. After that, let em dissapear. If the pilots gone from that plane, not much more from the server is required to code one point on the ground, or for that matter, an arc or spiral (which can be preset).
If the player is dead, dont let him back in a plane until the wreck hits the ground ( or 30 sec. max) and let the server plot the wreckage on the map - where our CPU will render the image, wreck, smoke, looters, etc.
As far as bailing out, it should take on average a lot longer to pop the canopy and jump - it's too unrealistic the way it is now.
I think IL-2 has a good one to pattern by for both wrecks and bailing out.