Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ripsnort on April 02, 2008, 02:40:42 PM
-
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing.. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the love muffin.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer.
They eat red meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
Thank you for your time.
-
The largest and most powerful land animal maybe... or does on earth mean on dirt?
-
Lol, this so-called joke illustrates the point that turns so many people off to conservatism. For whatever reason, conservatives do not value education. There is a stigma to it.
-
. For whatever reason, conservatives do not value education.
That you state the above serves to illuminate that your education is quite lacking.
-
Rip, where do you get all this time? :lol
shamus
-
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing.. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the love muffin.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer.
They eat red meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
Thank you for your time.
So..the joke here is your irrational self-absorbtion, right?
-
Rip, where do you get all this time? :lol
shamus
In between meetings, and during teleconferences when they're not asking me questions. :eek:
-
What happened? Run out of racist jokes?
-
That you state the above serves to illuminate that your education is quite lacking.
Why don't you have another beer then head back to the steel mill.
-
What happened? Run out of racist jokes?
Ooooooh...I can just feel the reflection of that mirror burning into your "Liberal-in-denial" soul. :rofl
-
I was just going to relate something one of my liberal friends told me(i only have two) but i'm not sure now , im afraid you might think me uneducated, well what the heck, my friend was asked if he belonged to an organized political party? his answer was, no, I'm a democrat :aok
it was just a funny, as the story above, so lighten up :furious :rofl
-
I'm just wondering why the majority of intellectuals and academics in this country are liberal-leaning. Its always the Democratic candidates who are pushing technological and educational incentives too.
-
I'm just wondering why the majority of intellectuals and academics in this country are liberal-leaning. Its always the Democratic candidates who are pushing technological and educational incentives too.
Discrimination. Obviously you're not a liberal or you'd have known that. :rofl
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A8427-2005Mar28.html
Rothman sees the findings as evidence of "possible discrimination" against conservatives in hiring and promotion. Even after factoring in levels of achievement, as measured by published work and organization memberships, "the most likely conclusion" is that "being conservative counts against you," he said. "It doesn't surprise me, because I've observed it happening." The study, however, describes this finding as "preliminary."
-
I don't know whether to tackle "liberal intellectual superiority" with reasoned argument or sarcasm. Such an assumption is so basically egotistical that it is repugnant to any honest intellectual, whatever their political stripe.
Aquashrimp, I doubt that any of those who post on these boards, whether liberal or conservative, could have held their own in a debate with the late William F. Buckley, Jr. His liberal intellectual peers might have disagreed with his views, but they would not have questioned his intelligence. His liberal contemporaries, however, were cut from a different bolt of cloth than many of those of my generation. The old-school liberals, for the most part, defended their views with gentlemanly discourse, and would not have been arrogant enough to assume that they, and they alone, had the intelligence to deal with knotty political, social, and economic problems.
Not so with liberals of the new persuasion. I ran full up against the elitist, intellectual mentality of modern liberalism when I entered college in the early '70s as a wet-behind-the-ears freshman. Liberal professors permeated the Social Studies departments, and lost no opportunity to belittle views of conservative students. They were possessed of considerable intellectual ability and an equally considerable naivete' about the real world, and the enormous contributions to social order inherent in traditional social, religious, economic, and political viewpoints. Like the ancient Romans, they saw themselves and their liberal compatriots as natural rulers. I found such intellectual snootiness repulsive, and haven't changed that view much in the ensuing three decades since graduation.
As to the assertion that there is bigotry in the upper levels of academia, let me state I firmly believe that that is the case. I've seen it in operation. A conservative applying for a faculty position at a major university had best keep his political beliefs a secret during his/her interview with a liberal department head. The merest whiff of conservatism during that interview is the kiss of death.
Certainly, there are still conservatives in the halls of our universities; yet, I believe that there is a concerted effort to, over time, sweep them out.
-
Of course the number of uneducated leaning left is far greater than this "elite" group you mention Aquashrimp. Both groups seem to want something from the average person in the middle and embracing socialism seems to be the way for them to get it.
-
I should post more in threads like this. Maybe one day I will reach the ranks of rpm and aquashrimpy and be considered worthy to debate the merits of a post that utterly confuses and confounds them :D
-
Jesus Vicente Garcia, I don't even know where to start with this. I really don't understand the conservative-liberal conflict that devolves into limp-wristed mudslinging like this. To be fair, I did find some humor in the metrosexual bashing, but the rest of this is tepid at best. Maybe if I was drunk on Miller Lite...
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing.. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Sweet!. I'll inform my daughter that she's still a member of the weaker sex that evolved from less skilled and weaker men. I'm sure this woman would agree
(http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42808000/jpg/_42808071_girls_afp_416.jpg)
I'd say she's about twice the man most on this board will never be.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Funny you put construction workers in as conservatives, while including business owners. I remember in Atlanta the unionized carpenters went on strike near a construction site outside my school (Ga Tech) demanding that the business contracted to do renovations stop using Mexican, um, "migrant workers". But since they owned their own business, I guess it was alright.
While I recognize the importance of conservatives for preserving the status quo, I can hardly believe that you discount things like weekends, the Pure and Food and Drug Act, child labor laws, female doctors, police women, etc. Granted the FDA came about from Teddy Roosevelt (a Republican), but given his identity with progressive thought, I suspect he'd be a RINO by most people.
-
Som much for Aquashrimp's idea of liberals being more intelligent. They can't even read where its says "Joke" in the title. :D
-
I don't know whether to tackle "liberal intellectual superiority" with reasoned argument or sarcasm. Such an assumption is so basically egotistical that it is repugnant to any honest intellectual, whatever their political stripe.
Aquashrimp, I doubt that any of those who post on these boards, whether liberal or conservative, could have held their own in a debate with the late William F. Buckley, Jr. His liberal intellectual peers might have disagreed with his views, but they would not have questioned his intelligence. His liberal contemporaries, however, were cut from a different bolt of cloth than many of those of my generation. The old-school liberals, for the most part, defended their views with gentlemanly discourse, and would not have been arrogant enough to assume that they, and they alone, had the intelligence to deal with knotty political, social, and economic problems.
Not so with liberals of the new persuasion. I ran full up against the elitist, intellectual mentality of modern liberalism when I entered college in the early '70s as a wet-behind-the-ears freshman. Liberal professors permeated the Social Studies departments, and lost no opportunity to belittle views of conservative students. They were possessed of considerable intellectual ability and an equally considerable naivete' about the real world, and the enormous contributions to social order inherent in traditional social, religious, economic, and political viewpoints. Like the ancient Romans, they saw themselves and their liberal compatriots as natural rulers. I found such intellectual snootiness repulsive, and haven't changed that view much in the ensuing three decades since graduation.
As to the assertion that there is bigotry in the upper levels of academia, let me state I firmly believe that that is the case. I've seen it in operation. A conservative applying for a faculty position at a major university had best keep his political beliefs a secret during his/her interview with a liberal department head. The merest whiff of conservatism during that interview is the kiss of death.
Certainly, there are still conservatives in the halls of our universities; yet, I believe that there is a concerted effort to, over time, sweep them out.
Started College in about 1974 - 75 AFTER my military service.
Went on the G.I. Bill.
I have to say I pretty much saw what Shuckins described.
The Social type classes were the WORST for that!
-
Why don't you have another beer then head back to the steel mill.
Keep fantasizing that anyone who isn't as limpwristed liberal as you isn't successful and educated. It seems to serve you well and I imagine it acts as a fine target for your inability to achieve any affluence. Blame Boosh!
:lol
-
Why don't you have another beer then head back to the steel mill.
You have something against the American working class slick?
If you do please do not complain with your mouth full.
-
well... it would explain why conservatives like to troll for sex in men's public washrooms.
-
Why don't you have another beer then head back to the steel mill.
Hmm, I work in a steel mill... I never knew it was something to be ashamed of. :lol
-
this seems odd to me...
I have plenty of what people refer to as liberal beliefs. I believe that a woman should have the right to choose to terminate a pregnancy. I believe firmly in separation of church and state. I think that people should be able to marry whomever or whatever they want, so long as it makes them happier.
Sure, I think that capitalism is the evolutionary medium within which humanity exists, and should be protected and nurtured, but as far as freedom of action and freedom from indoctrination, I guess I'm sort of a liberal... There, I said it.
And yet, I'm not taking any of this joke as personally as some of you are. Why is this? Have you lost the ability to laugh at yourself--or at a silly post, for that matter--or is this silly post hitting home for some of you?
-
this seems odd to me...
I have plenty of what people refer to as liberal beliefs. I believe that a woman should have the right to choose to terminate a pregnancy. I believe firmly in separation of church and state. I think that people should be able to marry whomever or whatever they want, so long as it makes them happier.
Ok, but do you also believe that the person who marries whatever they want should be allowed to claim that "whatever" as a dependant and get a tax deduction?
-
If they happen to marry a basketball, I guess the expense assocaiated with keeping the pressure at the right level deserves some consideration.
-
LOL Thats some funny stuff. :rofl
-
LOL Thats some funny stuff. :rofl
FINALLY....someone read the subject title (JOKE). :aok
Lighten up guys! :D
-
If they happen to marry a basketball, I guess the expense assocaiated with keeping the pressure at the right level deserves some consideration.
:rofl
Too funny.
I don`t agree...............but too funny. :)
-
liberals have no sense of humor.
-
I'm just wondering why the majority of intellectuals and academics in this country are liberal-leaning.
A recent paper by Matthew Woessner of Penn State, and his wife, April Kelly-Woessner, of Elizabethtown College -- called "Left Pipeline: Why Conservatives Don't Get Doctorates" addresses this. Based on survey data they ruled out several commonly cited reasons:
- culturally hostile environment. Actually conservatives report a slightly higher rate of satisfaction with college than liberals do.
- conservatives aren't smart enough. Conservatives and liberals have about the same grade-point average. (The moderates score lowest.)
Instead, they found that 4 personality traits that accounted for most of the discrepancy -- the importance placed on raising a family, making money, contributing original work to a particular field and developing a meaningful philosophy of life. They found liberalism "is more closely associated with a desire for excitement, an interest in creative outlets and an aversion to a structured work environment. Conservatives express far greater interest in financial success and stronger desires to raise families."
http://www.aei.org/docLib/20071114_WOESSNER.pdf (http://www.aei.org/docLib/20071114_WOESSNER.pdf)