Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Killer91 on August 10, 2010, 09:01:25 PM
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1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psychopath
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Cinco.
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack. "Dang! "
A Bad Skydiver Goes, " Dang!" Whack.
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.
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1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.
This has been surprisingly successful at getting me second dates ;)
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lol
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This has been surprisingly successful at getting me second dates ;)
speakin of gettin dates this pick up line doesnt work....surprisingly
how much does a polar bear weigh?........enough to break the ice, hi im bagrat
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speakin of gettin dates this pick up line doesnt work....surprisingly
how much does a polar bear weigh?........enough to break the ice, hi im bagrat
If you go to the right spots, this one HAS worked once:
"Are you pregnant? No? Can I help you with that?"
But the rare one, if you wear the right clothes, have the glasses, and the balls to actually pull it off, (I've only done it twice...), if the girl goes for it, she is PERFECT:
walk up behind the girl, tap her on the shoulder, "excuse me, miss.."
Have a buddy step in like he is going to tell you off, blocking you while you duck down, fix your hair quickly, and don your aviators...
and pop up with "You never close your eyes, anymore when I kiss, your lips..."
The last time I did this, I was smart and did it at a restaurant near my airfield, surrounded by people I knew, so it played out flawlessly. Took the girl there, we weren't dating, just sorta friends, but I could tell she was interested in me. She got the reference, and I never let her go! lol
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If you go to the right spots, this one HAS worked once:
"Are you pregnant? No? Can I help you with that?"
But the rare one, if you wear the right clothes, have the glasses, and the balls to actually pull it off, (I've only done it twice...), if the girl goes for it, she is PERFECT:
walk up behind the girl, tap her on the shoulder, "excuse me, miss.."
Have a buddy step in like he is going to tell you off, blocking you while you duck down, fix your hair quickly, and don your aviators...
and pop up with "You never close your eyes, anymore when I kiss, your lips..."
The last time I did this, I was smart and did it at a restaurant near my airfield, surrounded by people I knew, so it played out flawlessly. Took the girl there, we weren't dating, just sorta friends, but I could tell she was interested in me. She got the reference, and I never let her go! lol
Yeah okay, man, after that compulsive lier thread i honestly wouldn't believe anything you say, doesn't matter how many years have passed.
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Yeah okay, man, after that compulsive lier thread i honestly wouldn't believe anything you say, doesn't matter how many years have passed.
:rofl :rofl :rofl
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A cop is sitting at a checkpoint, minding his own business. A car comes around the curve, flooring it. The cop turns on the lights, puts the car in gear and chases the car. Soon the car slows down and parks on the shoulder. The cop gets out and walks up to the driver and says "son, you are speeding really bad, but it is close to the end of my shift and if you can give me a good reason as to why you were speeding that I haven't heard before, I'll let you go."
The man replied... "Well, you all took my wife away last week, and I thought you were trying to give her back to me."
Dumb Blonde joke (I don't believe in dumb blondes)
A cops pulls over a blonde doing 100 in a 65. He walks up to her vehicle and asks to see her liscence.
The Blonde replied "Well that's just like you all, isn't it? You take away my liscence last week and expect me to show it to you now."
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Yeah okay, man, after that compulsive lier thread i honestly wouldn't believe anything you say, doesn't matter how many years have passed.
lol. Talk to Tupac, he's met the girl in question.
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lol. Talk to Tupac, he's met the girl in question.
I'd rather not talk to your shade account. In any matter, you've got no proof, and what will Tupac say, "Oh yes, he's not lying."?
EDIT: The ending of the second sentence was to be a question mark.
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Q: Whats worse then compulsive liars?
A: Compulsive ankle humpers
I must of missed something totally funny somewhere
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(http://img840.imageshack.us/img840/2320/nofunny.gif) (http://img840.imageshack.us/i/nofunny.gif/)
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No kidding... :frown:
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(http://i364.photobucket.com/albums/oo82/bzavasnik/SpellingFail.jpg)
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Mushroom walks into a bar and sits down for a drink. The bartender notices he looks a little bummed out and asks " Hey, whats wrong buddy?". The mushroom explains to the bartender that his girlfriend just broke up with him. Bartender replies, " That's too bad, you look like a fun guy."
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Mushroom walks into a bar and sits down for a drink. The bartender notices he looks a little bummed out and asks " Hey, whats wrong buddy?". The mushroom explains to the bartender that his girlfriend just broke up with him. Bartender replies, " That's too bad, you look like a fun guy."
:aok
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Bump.
Hooootttt Pocket.
That's all I got, I know, I know, keep my day job. But any way, bump. Lets see... :noid
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how you make a kleenx dance?
Put a little buggy in it!
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A man walks into a bar with his friend and notices and gorgeous girl at the bar..
He nods to his friend who replies.."Man I heard she has HEP"
Man sighs and nods heading to sit down....
3 minutes later....Umm B or C?
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I was so depressed last night thinking about botched Health Care
reform, looming Social Security, staggering unemployment, the lack of
economic recovery, the wars, eviscerated retirement funds ~ I called a
Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call
center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got ...excited and
asked if I could drive a truck.
:bolt:
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a hillbilly decides he and his sister can't afford to have any more children, so she suggests he get a vasectomy. He agrees and goes to the Dr.
The Dr. tells him how much it costs, the hill billy replies "i can't afford that, there has to be a cheaper way. The doc replies wells what u can do is take a cherry bomb put it in a can hold it up to your ear and count to 10. The hillbilly says "now hold on doc, im no genius but i dont see how holdin a cherry bomb to my ear will help my problem". The doc says "trust me it will work.
So the man goes home gets a can puts the lit cherry bomb inside the can, and holds it to his ear as he begins to count.
1
2
3
4
5
the hillbilly runs out of fingers to count with and places the can between his legs and proceeds to count with his other hand.
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:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
Those were great!
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At the end of the tax year, the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot
of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question", noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and
every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."
"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the IRS, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
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ohhhhh AAAHAAAA! :rofl