Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: deSelys on November 06, 2013, 04:42:00 PM
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The title says it all... Hilarious read, really glad I wasn't on board :D :rofl
http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/the-most-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/ (http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/the-most-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/)
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Bwahahahahahaha!
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Up to this point, nobody has observed my struggle or my exchange with the flight attendant. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." That's all I can say as I limp toward her like Quasimodo impersonating a penguin, and begin my explanation. Of course, as soon as my competitors see me talking to the CFO, they all perk up to find out what the hell I'm doing.
Given my jovial nature and fun-loving attitude thus far on the roadshow, almost everybody thinks I'm joking. She, however, knows right away that I am anything but and jumps up, moving quickly to where I had been sitting. I now had to remove the seat top – no easy task when you can barely stand upright, are getting tossed around like a hoodrat at a block party, and are fighting against a gastrointestinal Mt. Vesuvius.
I manage to peel back the leather seat top to find a rather luxurious looking commode, with a nice cherry or walnut frame. It had obviously never been used, ever. Why this moment of clarity came to me, I do not know. Perhaps it was the realization that I was going to take this toilet's virginity with a fury and savagery that was an abomination to its delicate craftsmanship and quality. I imagined some poor Italian carpenter weeping over the violently soiled remains of his once beautiful creation. The lament lasted only a second as I was quickly back to concentrating on the tiny muscle that stood between me and molten hot lava.
I reach down and pull up the privacy screens, with only seconds to spare before I erupt. It's an alka-seltzer bomb, nothing but air and liquid spraying out in all directions – a Jackson Pollock masterpiece. The pressure is now reversed. I feel like I'm going to have a stroke, I push so hard to end the relief, the tormented sublime relief.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." My apologies do nothing to drown out the heinous noises that seem to carry on and reverberate throughout the small cabin indefinitely. If that's not bad enough, I have one more major problem. The privacy screen stops right around shoulder level. I am sitting there, a disembodied head, in the back of the plane, on a bucking bronco for a toilet, all while looking my colleagues, competitors, and clients directly in the eyes. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" briefly comes to mind.
I literally could reach out with my left hand and rest it on the shoulder of the person adjacent to me. It was virtually impossible for him, or any of the others, and by others I mean high profile business partners and clients, to avert their eyes. They squirm and try not to look, inclined to do their best to carry on and pretend as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening, that they weren't sharing a stall with some guy crapping his intestines out. Releasing smelly, sweaty, shame at 100 feet per second.
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Funny, but it ended abruptly, with no ending per se.
He should have embellished a good ending...
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Funny, but it ended abruptly, with no ending per se.
He should have embellished a good ending...
It was at the peak of release when the craft experienced wind shear ......
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That's hilarious...good find :aok
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:rofl
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:rofl :rofl :rofl
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too bad the plane didn't experience some zero G turbulence and have a ball of extruded bio mass floating about the cabin lol :bolt:
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:rofl
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I witnessed something similar which would have made a good ending to this story. I was on a flight to Phoenix seated in the very last row of the plane with the bathroom right behind me. My buddy (who hates using airline restrooms) finally gave in to nature's demands and wne tot use the facility just as we were approaching for landing. Clearing the mountains on our approach, we encountered a very strong down draft quickly followed by the most creative stream of swearing I have ever heard coming from my friend in the lavatory. I can't help but start laughing as I begin to imagine what may have happened. He appears a couple of minutes later with one leg and foot completely wet with blue stains and his face bright crimson red. He later related that the downdraft (motion exaggerated in the tail) had flung him to the ceiling with his pants around his ankles. Naturally some of the contents of the toilet had followed, then gravity returned and he landed with one foot solidly in the toilet. LOL
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The title says it all... Hilarious read, really glad I wasn't on board :D :rofl
http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/the-most-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/ (http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/the-most-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/)
:rofl :aok
I had tears in my eyes reading this. I just sent it to all my coworkers.
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:banana:
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Um,
http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/index.php/topic,355837.0.html
:bolt:
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Well fudge.
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The most embarrassing created thread of all time.
http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/index.php/topic,355873.0.html
ack-ack
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The most embarrassing created thread of all time.
http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/index.php/topic,355873.0.html
ack-ack
iswydt
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Well, I have to say this. The story is so amazingly funny that it is a service to mankind to make it known, even at the expense of duplicate topics. :aok
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In my defense you can see how a title like "most embarrassing biz jet flight ever..." could have slipped my eye when posting about "Most Embarrassing Private Jet Flight Of All Time". Completely different process.
(http://popsop.com/wp-content/uploads/twix_pick_a_side_01.jpg)
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The question is, what kind of aircraft was it? I know it was 100% verified true but... a 6 seater with a flight attendant?
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The question is, what kind of aircraft was it? I know it was 100% verified true but... a 6 seater with a flight attendant?
Sounds like a Challenger 605.
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"Perhaps it was the realization that I was going to take this toilet's virginity with a fury and savagery that was an abomination to its delicate craftsmanship and quality."
such a way with words. :rofl
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Best read in a long time :aok :aok
:rofl :rofl :rofl
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Sounds like a Challenger 605.
Not with a courtesy drape.
The type of lav described is only in the lightest of light jets and you wouldn't really have much use for a flight attendant nor would the CEO sit sideways on the toilet.
I think it's based on a true story but it's full of what he's describing.
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He's now a member of the "Pile High Club" :eek:
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such a way with words. :rofl
Yep, the guy is a truly excellent writer. :aok
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"Perhaps it was the realization that I was going to take this toilet's virginity with a fury and savagery that was an abomination to its delicate craftsmanship and quality."
such a way with words. :rofl
YES! :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
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I manage to peel back the leather seat top to find a rather luxurious looking commode, with a nice cherry or walnut frame. It had obviously never been used, ever. Why this moment of clarity came to me, I do not know. Perhaps it was the realization that I was going to take this toilet's virginity with a fury and savagery that was an abomination to its delicate craftsmanship and quality. I imagined some poor Italian carpenter weeping over the violently soiled remains of his once beautiful creation.
(http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/nick-offerman-8.jpg?w=920&h=613)
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In my defense you can see how a title like "most embarrassing biz jet flight ever..." could have slipped my eye when posting about "Most Embarrassing Private Jet Flight Of All Time". Completely different process.
(http://popsop.com/wp-content/uploads/twix_pick_a_side_01.jpg)
:rofl :rofl :rofl
:aok