General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: craz07 on September 06, 2015, 10:29:58 AM
Title: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 06, 2015, 10:29:58 AM
My friend a truckdriver at the lumberyard, used to be in the service and one mission he had was to be dropped into Iraq and disrupt the communication lines there. He said they were dropped into the area and were supposed to dig in for the night, but the ground was too hard so instead they found a ditch and hid there. He said while there, along comes a goat and a boy tending to it not far behind, also a convoy of Iraqi vehicles coming down a nearby road. They said they were thinking about killing the goat and the boy so they wouldn't be found out, but instead they all took off running westward toward Syria missing their rondevous point. I think he said it took them 3 days and 40 or 50 miles on foot to get to the safety of Syria at the time.
He also had one of where he was in Libya where they were doing house to house fighting, and he said his friend came out of one house where he killed about a half dozen enemy, the last one with a pen to the throat cuz he was out of ammo... I give this guy tremendous respect for where he's been and what he's done. And he's got some of the most interesting war stories I've ever heard...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: ink on September 06, 2015, 10:41:16 AM
My friend a truckdriver at the lumberyard, used to be in the service and one mission he had was to be dropped into Iraq and disrupt the communication lines there. He said they were dropped into the area and were supposed to dig in for the night, but the ground was too hard so instead they found a ditch and hid there. He said while there, along comes a goat and a boy tending to it not far behind, also a convoy of Iraqi vehicles coming down a nearby road. They said they were thinking about killing the goat and the boy so they wouldn't be found out, but instead they all took off running westward toward Syria missing their rondevous point. I think he said it took them 3 days and 40 or 50 miles on foot to get to the safety of Syria at the time.
He also had one of where he was in Libya where they were doing house to house fighting, and he said his friend came out of one house where he killed about a half dozen enemy, the last one with a pen to the throat cuz he was out of ammo... I give this guy tremendous respect for where he's been and what he's done. And he's got some of the most interesting war stories I've ever heard...
not saying your friend is making crap up....
but what I have found..knowing quite a bit of Vietnam Vets.....is people that actually took lives do not talk about it....now the modern day Soldier that may be different...but I would think if they have a good heart it would not be something that was easily talked about.
My dad fired the 155 during Vietnam...he don't talk much about it...but he did open up one day...he still sees the trees behind a clearing that were completely red.....couldn't see a bit of green.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 06, 2015, 10:42:55 AM
this guy was a solid guy I don't think he was making crap up... if anything I've forgotten the details of the stories he told me on the long truck trips... A 155 has to do a lot of damage with a direct strike, :salute to your dad
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: ink on September 06, 2015, 11:20:26 AM
this guy was a solid guy I don't think he was making crap up... if anything I've forgotten the details of the stories he told me on the long truck trips... A 155 has to do a lot of damage with a direct strike, :salute to your dad
ehh the old man got off easy(easy being relative of course)....back of the lines...and getting out sooner then most...they let him out due to a hardship case...
my Brother in law was a tunnel rat. :eek:
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 06, 2015, 11:22:14 AM
i read a book on tunnel rats... man was that some effed up fighting....
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SIK1 on September 06, 2015, 11:27:35 AM
but what I have found..knowing quite a bit of Vietnam Vets.....is people that actually took lives do not talk about it....now the modern day Soldier that may be different...but I would think if they have a good heart it would not be something that was easily talked about.
I've known decorated combat veterans and I've found this to be true for them all.
Your truck drivers Irag story sounds very much like the story of Bravo two zero
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 06, 2015, 11:30:14 AM
Hey I wouldn't mess with him when he had a bad day.. he's all tatoo'ed up and wouldnt give you the time of day if you begged for it.....
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SFRT - Frenchy on September 06, 2015, 11:41:30 AM
Your guy saw way too many movies :rofl To me he is a pretender. :police:
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 06, 2015, 11:43:11 AM
Your guy saw way too many movies :rofl To me he is a pretender. :police:
frenchy why you got to start man....
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 06, 2015, 11:47:35 AM
See Rule #4
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zimme83 on September 06, 2015, 11:57:59 AM
Since, as far as whats official, neither US or any other western country had ground troops in Libya i have very hard to see that your buddy have been involved in amy close quarter combat in Libya. And as stated, his Iraq story is just too much Bravo two zero.. I see no reason to take the stories seriously.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: FBKampfer on September 06, 2015, 12:02:51 PM
Sounds like some bad Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. With a ballpoint pen, really? No combat knife? Nothing more practical to bludgeon the guy to death with?
Also, unless you hit the jugular, a pen isn't gonna do toejam.
Sorry man, but it really does sound like your buddy is full of it.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SFRT - Frenchy on September 06, 2015, 12:11:36 PM
there are guys here that have killed others with shovels... don't placate yourself with bulllshit....
I hear you friend, but having served on a commando training camp and participated to some of their training. They don't need a pen in the throat to terminate someone. Knife, riffle stock and various hand to hand neck breaking tricks are the weapons of choice that make 'a pen' very Hollywood like.
As for the goat boy story, trained units don't 'wait it out' in ditches next to a trail/road. And if they someone comes laying perfectly still usually beat running away in plain sight. Sorry I don't buy it, but hey I wasn't there. I heard many stories from Vets trying to make themselves look combat hardened :salute My neighbor was one of them. B17 gunner from WW2, talked a big game. Got his thumb shot out by a Me109 and it's quite a story how the 109 pass almost ramming his B17 and described everything of the slow motion encounter. Till he showed me a picture of when he got married after the war ... with all his 10 fingers :rolleyes:
Sadly some Vets despite their service don't have much going on in their life and milk the 'hero card' to feel respected.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: DaveBB on September 06, 2015, 02:44:35 PM
I have found that most vets who served in combat don't enjoy talking about the actual combat part. They will go on and on about the other parts of military life, ad nauseum. I work with a former Abrams tank commander from the 1st Gulf War. He never talks about actually destroying enemy tanks, though at a cookout he had several beers and finally told about it.
The human brain is fragile. Extreme emotional trauma and stress can damage it. I work near Fort Knox and there are so many of the guys I work with that have PTSD that it is unbelievable.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: USRanger on September 06, 2015, 05:09:04 PM
The Iraq story is stolen from what happened to a British SAS squad during Desert storm. The Libya story is pure bull. Sorry.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: danny76 on September 06, 2015, 05:40:08 PM
My friend a truckdriver at the lumberyard, used to be in the service and one mission he had was to be dropped into Iraq and disrupt the communication lines there. He said they were dropped into the area and were supposed to dig in for the night, but the ground was too hard so instead they found a ditch and hid there. He said while there, along comes a goat and a boy tending to it not far behind, also a convoy of Iraqi vehicles coming down a nearby road. They said they were thinking about killing the goat and the boy so they wouldn't be found out, but instead they all took off running westward toward Syria missing their rondevous point. I think he said it took them 3 days and 40 or 50 miles on foot to get to the safety of Syria at the time.
He also had one of where he was in Libya where they were doing house to house fighting, and he said his friend came out of one house where he killed about a half dozen enemy, the last one with a pen to the throat cuz he was out of ammo... I give this guy tremendous respect for where he's been and what he's done. And he's got some of the most interesting war stories I've ever heard...
The Iraq story is taken word for word from Bravo Two Zero by Andy Mcnab. It relates to a British SAS patrol that was compromised after insertion to destroy comms cabling, couldn't dig in. Thought about topping the goat boy, of the eight men out 5 returned alive after a colossal balls up.
In fact the author was talking about the same brand of crap as your buddy, because he made almost everything up too, as proven by Micheal Asher when he returned to Iraq to investigate. What Mcnab (and later Chris Ryan) by fabricating the vast majority of their tale in order to make themselves look ally, takes a huge dump on the memories of Bob Consiglio, Legs Lane and Vincent Phillips who all died on the patrol.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 06, 2015, 05:53:05 PM
Why would this guy lie to me he was a good solid guy with no reason to lie
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Nefarious on September 06, 2015, 06:02:03 PM
Why would this guy lie to me he was a good solid guy with no reason to lie
I have no idea. But he should have chosen a less well documented story, the points of which are very specific, Either way, the original tale was a fantasy, he has told you what he has read in a book, pretty much word for word, looking back at the responses the story was recognised by a number of people as being the B20 story. Unless your biddy is a Brit ex special forces guy, he simply plagiarised the book to make himself into something he is not. In fact if he is an ex British Special Forces soldier, he is still a liar because the story was a complete figment of Mcnabs imagination, I would bet if you asked your mate he would tell you that his mates were called Stan and Dinger, Chris, Legs, Bob, Vince and Mark. Either ignore him, or better still show interest and awe, get him to elaborate and then smack him in the chops with a copy of the book.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Rolex on September 06, 2015, 06:37:22 PM
Was his name Brian Williams? Was he on the same plane when Hilliary was "shot at?"
Yeah, that's the ticket...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: ink on September 06, 2015, 06:49:28 PM
I've known decorated combat veterans and I've found this to be true for them all.
Your truck drivers Irag story sounds very much like the story of Bravo two zero
Bravo two zero is exactly what jumped to mind reading the OP.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: JunkyII on September 06, 2015, 09:39:48 PM
I'd rather tell you about pulling security on a school we helped rebuild, Taliban threatened to kill any girls going to school...15 of them were brave enough to want a better future...truly amazing people given their living conditions.
As a Combat Infantryman Badge holder...unless your someone like Ranger...I'm not going to tell you much unless you ask a legit question.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Meatwad on September 06, 2015, 09:48:20 PM
I dont know what is worse, telling fake war stories or badmouthing people when they post the story is total BS
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Ripsnort on September 06, 2015, 10:20:52 PM
He's givng you a story. https://mcpl.monroe.lib.in.us/Mobile/BakerAndTaylor/Excerpt?ISBN=9781623651374&UPC=&position=1
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: danny76 on September 06, 2015, 11:18:28 PM
He's givng you a story. https://mcpl.monroe.lib.in.us/Mobile/BakerAndTaylor/Excerpt?ISBN=9781623651374&UPC=&position=1
Dunno what that Boys Own crap is. Most British soldiers have to be told when to take a piss? The officers have the map and the lowly rifleman has no clue what he is doing or why he is there? Utter tosh and nonsense. I served in an armoured Regiment for 7 years. I was a lowly grunt making it to full screw by the time I left. I always had a map, a good understanding of my role and an appreciation of why I was there, as did everyone I served with. The SAS, SBS, SRR etc recruit from the whole of the British forces, they are made up of grunt soldiers from predominantly the Parachute Regiment. Royal Marines and a few odds and sods from the RAF Regiment and suchlike. They aren't some breed of hyper intelligent supermen, they are just phenomenally motivated and single minded operators.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: USRanger on September 07, 2015, 02:53:26 AM
I'd rather tell you about pulling security on a school we helped rebuild, Taliban threatened to kill any girls going to school...15 of them were brave enough to want a better future...truly amazing people given their living conditions.
As a Combat Infantryman Badge holder...unless your someone like Ranger...I'm not going to tell you much unless you ask a legit question.
:salute
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 07, 2015, 04:14:16 AM
Andy McNab's real name is Steve and he's a complete chav who'd probably be a truck driver now if he hadn't hired a ghost writer and made up a ton of crap about Iraq.
However, he was captured, he was tortured....and he held out for weeks. He's a f*cking hard SOB. But he's still a chav. He once made up a story about stabbing a man with a pair of pliers, used like a knife, right through the chestplate. *cough* bollocks *cough*.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 07:06:40 AM
Just because they had trouble digging in also he was lying? I don't know man I worked side by side with this guy I knew him better than I know sausagewad over there. He said his friend in Libya received a medal for his actions, the silver star I think it was. He is older too, this stuff must have been about 20 to 25 years ago.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zimme83 on September 07, 2015, 07:29:55 AM
U can start with looking up when and were US forces were involved in ground combat in Libya (the incident at the embassy dont count in this case).
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 07:36:03 AM
Yea but is everything counted? I think he described it as more of being small team missions, I think he was a marine I forgot
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: danny76 on September 07, 2015, 08:02:47 AM
Just because they had trouble digging in also he was lying? I don't know man I worked side by side with this guy I knew him better than I know sausagewad over there. He said his friend in Libya received a medal for his actions, the silver star I think it was. He is older too, this stuff must have been about 20 to 25 years ago.
Desert Storm was 20-25 years ago. :old: Swoop is right, Mcnab is really a nails hard chavvy truck driver from Lambeth, called Steve :old:
Older people can lie too :old:
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zimme83 on September 07, 2015, 08:10:43 AM
Yea but is everything counted? I think he described it as more of being small team missions, I think he was a marine I forgot
Not at all, house to house fighting is something a small commando force would avoid at all cost. Without exensive support a commando team would most likely be wiped out in a very short time if they involved in cq combat.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: cpxxx on September 07, 2015, 08:16:08 AM
If there were any Americans ground forces engaged in Libyan civil war then it's beyond top secret and the guys involved would never discuss it. Since the USAF left Wheelus airbase in 1970 there hasn't been a ground presence in Libya. The French have fought the Libyans several times so unless your friend was in the Foreign Legion he wasn't there.
He would have been better off pretending he was in Fallujah.
The irony of him repeating the Bravo Two Zero story is of course that it has been thoroughly debunked since. But at least McNab was actually SAS.
Don't feel too bad. It's relatively common for guys with perfectly honourable service to exaggerate their experiences. I was caught once too. An American I worked with told me his bad eyesight happened when his F4 was hit and the WSO wounded and he had to ditch in the sea during the Vietnam war. He also told me he was due to start training on the SR71 before he was wounded and hoped to apply for astronaut training. Much later I found out he had been in the Air Force but as a technician.
Rule of thumb: If it sounds too good to be true then it probably is.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 08:28:13 AM
Hey I don't know I'm just repeating what he told me, and I honestly thought the guy was a genuine nice non bs'er type guy
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Xtrepid on September 07, 2015, 08:30:59 AM
Just because they had trouble digging in also he was lying? I don't know man I worked side by side with this guy I knew him better than I know sausagewad over there. He said his friend in Libya received a medal for his actions, the silver star I think it was. He is older too, this stuff must have been about 20 to 25 years ago.
Hey I don't know I'm just repeating what he told me, and I honestly thought the guy was a genuine nice non bs'er type guy
Get yourself on a torrent site and download 'Bravo-Two-Zero'. They made a film of it. This fella is pretending he's Chris Ryan, the one member of the patrol that walked to Syria. However, it's still a semi made up story, the only part of it that is absolutely true is that Chris Ryan walked to Syria.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 10:51:22 AM
At least the silver star thing checks out.. maybe he got his facts a little mixed up over the years I don't know, I still think he was a genuine dude, he told me his father said it was either jail or the service when he was younger and thats when he joined up, I don't know what else to say except that I still respect him for serving our country...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Bizman on September 07, 2015, 10:54:51 AM
Hey I don't know I'm just repeating what he told me, and I honestly thought the guy was a genuine nice non bs'er type guy
Just a thought: Maybe he had such a boring/frightening time over there that he adopted some juicy stories and finally started to believe they really had happened to him. Human behavior is something psychologists still don't know all about.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: ebfd11 on September 07, 2015, 10:57:52 AM
Two words..... STOLEN VALOR...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 10:59:21 AM
How would you feel if the stories were true, you should bite your tongue
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: ebfd11 on September 07, 2015, 11:25:27 AM
OK I may be wrong but like alot of people here have said... look at the facts about Bravo-Two-Zero. It was a British SAS team no Americans were involved... We were never involved in Libya so that is de-bunked... Also you are trained to stay away from the enemy unless necessary and I know a few SF guys and like JunkyII says, they won't talk about what they did.
I was in Korea in 1989 during Team Spirit 89 and we had 2 birds go down, lost many lives and a few friends I knew. Having those experiences is more than enough for me.. I was in the Marine Corps 4 years 6 months, 4 years voluntary and 6 months involuntary. I have seen things that unless you ask specifically I won't tell.
Just saying you need to check out the stories first before you go all gungho and believe him word for word. Too many frauds out there and if you want a good website to check out to see what i am talking about here you go.. http://www.stolenvalor.com/ http://guardianofvalor.com/hall-of-shame/
I am not saying your friend wasn't in the service but his stories are pure fabrication.
LawnDart
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 11:33:04 AM
I don't know, this guy by my gut intuition seemed pretty legit
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: ebfd11 on September 07, 2015, 11:34:40 AM
Well I guess you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Mar on September 07, 2015, 11:35:56 AM
If I were you craz, I wouldn't listen to my gut anymore...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 11:37:46 AM
oh mar my friendly troll friend.. how are you doing bud?
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 11:45:28 AM
the only ones to pipe up with stories were ink and junkyII... If no one else wants to pipe up I guess the idea of the thread is obtuse
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zimme83 on September 07, 2015, 12:47:45 PM
Its pretty obvious that there are a lot of holes in his stories, as stated, the Libya thing could not have happen simply because no US ground forces has been involved in combat there. People tell stories, even nice people. Sometimes its better to just let it pass and not making a big deal out of it.
As said about one of my friends: If the world runs out of truth, he is not the one to blame...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 12:55:38 PM
here here zimme, thank you for regurgitating once again what you think about this man's war stories...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zimme83 on September 07, 2015, 01:11:25 PM
It is a bit too obvious, a book rip off and fighting in a country US hasnt deployed troops to...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 01:17:53 PM
nope, some Swedish poster on a forum website didn't just matter of factly state that the U.S. has never been in Libya in the past 30 years or so...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zimme83 on September 07, 2015, 01:30:58 PM
Why dont u show us when and were said event took place then...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 01:35:04 PM
I wasn't there... like I said I'm just repeating what was told to me by what I thought was an honest and genuine guy. Do I know for sure he was there and those events occurred? No. But I can't say the opposite either. Like I said he seemed like an honest genuine guy and I see no reason for him to lie to me...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zimme83 on September 07, 2015, 01:44:10 PM
It is not that hard to check his story. First of all, the "Bravo two zero" story is very unlikely, i cannot see that 2 pretty much similar events has happen. And unlike the SAS version, that have a number of books etc describing it, there are no evidence to support your buddys story. Same thing with the Libya thing, it could not have happen simply because US has not been involved in any ground combat in Libya during the time your buddy could have been there. If there had been such an operation we would have heard about it.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 01:48:18 PM
How do you know for sure no small unit was sent to Libya for terrorist operations or something of the sort, and the Iraq situation why couldn't it be a similiar situation if the ground is that hard out there that it would cause a similiar reaction...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zimme83 on September 07, 2015, 01:53:46 PM
Lol. U do as u want, its not my buissness and i dont really care. But if u want to belive your buddy my advise is to not ask for more details that can be verified, the risk is big that u will be disapointed...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 01:56:53 PM
Lol. U do as u want, its not my buissness and i dont really care. But if u want to belive your buddy my advise is to not ask for more details that can be verified, the risk is big that u will be disapointed...
I believe him cuz my gut instinct was he was an honest guy from the start
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Mar on September 07, 2015, 03:14:27 PM
Hey craz, I wonder if you'd be interested in buying an old diamond mine I own in South Africa. It hasn't been completely mined out and I'll sell it to you cheap so you could still get a good return on it!
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: FBKampfer on September 07, 2015, 03:47:23 PM
I've recently discovered a groundbreaking advancement in the field of biomedical engineering. To say that this will revolutionize humanity is not an overstatement.
However, I lack startup capital to spread this technology. With just $5000, I will have enough to set up production, and begin changing the world, and I wish to give you the chance to get involved. As an initial investor, you'll receive an equal share of profits, of course.
I'll simply need your personal information to set up payment, once we begin making a profit.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 07, 2015, 04:18:45 PM
haha you guys r clowns
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zimme83 on September 07, 2015, 04:19:39 PM
I've recently discovered a groundbreaking advancement in the field of biomedical engineering. To say that this will revolutionize humanity is not an overstatement.
However, I lack startup capital to spread this technology. With just $5000, I will have enough to set up production, and begin changing the world, and I wish to give you the chance to get involved. As an initial investor, you'll receive an equal share of profits, of course.
I'll simply need your personal information to set up payment, once we begin making a profit.
Do u want to trade your mine for my company? We collect moose dropping and sell it to the Germans.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Mar on September 07, 2015, 04:24:02 PM
Hey the mine is mine! If you want my mine you'll have to give me something that I want to make mine.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Lusche on September 07, 2015, 04:24:32 PM
I would be very interested in this. Knowing you two from the internet I have utmost trust in your business proposals! :old:
Lol, i knew u would be in on it. Welcome onboard partner.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: BFOOT1 on September 07, 2015, 07:05:45 PM
My grandpa landed on Omaha Beach with the 29th Infantry Division, and in his later years as I got older he opened up a lot. He remarked going in with the second wave, that the closer the they got to shore the more bodies he saw floating in the water, some dead and some were just floating. He was near the front of the Higgins boat and he said right before they landed he could see bodies littering the shoreline and the beach.
When the ramp came down he said roughly half of the guys in his platoon got off before the Germans began targeting their boat. The MG-42's were disastrous as he said, 'Men were ripped to pieces, and in some cases he sad whole platoons got slaughtered.' He dove into a hole created by a mortar first and he low crawled most of the way to the sea wall. He told with about fifty yards left he just took off in a dead sprint. He said the German machine gunners and snipers were very accurate. He didn't really talk about clearing the bluffs because he did things he didn't want to do, but he told me about the first German solider he knew he shot. He said as they made their way up the bluffs immense fire fights broke out everywhere. They were clearing the bluffs and pushing inland when his platoon came across a hedgerow. They crouched and were getting ready to go through the other side of the hedge row when a German soldier stepped out maybe forty feet in front of him. Grandpa said he didn't even think he just raised his rifle and fired. The German soldier crumpled and lay there. Grandpa said his squad leader order his men to stay on the 'american' side of the hedge row as they moved forward. Grandpa said when he went by the German he shot that he looked like a boy of maybe 17-18, with neat black hair and two clean holes in his chest. Grandpa said he vommitted after that and that since then he'd always seen that bots face here and there. Grandpa had lots of stories about the war several which really funny, which were the ones he preferred.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Devil 505 on September 07, 2015, 08:30:32 PM
My great-uncle, Michael "DeeBee" DiBisceglia, wanting to do his part to fight the Japanese, fudged the required paperwork and joined the U.S. Navy in 1942, at the age of 16. What makes this truly remarkable is that DeeBee chose the Navy so that he could serve along side of his brother Nicky - even though he couldn't swim. But DeeBee did not wind up on the same ship as Nicky, or serve on a ship at all, or even see the Pacific. DeeBee was stationed at a land base in Bermuda for the entirety of the war.
While Nicky never spoke of his part in the war, DeeBee was always ready to recount his experience - sun, sand, and frozen cocktails.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: EskimoJoe on September 08, 2015, 12:05:35 AM
I have found that most vets who served in combat don't enjoy talking about the actual combat part. They will go on and on about the other parts of military life, ad nauseum. I work with a former Abrams tank commander from the 1st Gulf War. He never talks about actually destroying enemy tanks, though at a cookout he had several beers and finally told about it.
The human brain is fragile. Extreme emotional trauma and stress can damage it. I work near Fort Knox and there are so many of the guys I work with that have PTSD that it is unbelievable.
Dave, I'm at Fort Knox right now. You're right. Half the guys that are still in are fluff'n nuts, especially the guys in my Route Clearance unit. One of them was talking during training about how he spent three hours looking for body parts to make sure they got every piece home after their truck got hit. Really drove his point home to some of the guys.
Craz, I hate to tell you this man but it sounds like your guy is making some stuff up. I'm not saying he's full of it, but it sounds like he's full of it.
there are guys here that have killed others with shovels... don't placate yourself with bulllshit....
Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Rino on September 08, 2015, 03:32:04 AM
Best war story I ever read was a fake..but when you're a kid you'd believe just about anything :aok The version I read was that a P-40 was intercepted over China by Flying Tigers with a dead pilot. It was forced down in a paddy and supposedly had paperwork claiming it was from Clark AB that had been destroyed and captured a tear before the event.
Here are some articles I found describing the hoax. http://www.warbirdforum.com/phantom.htm (http://www.warbirdforum.com/phantom.htm)
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 08, 2015, 04:24:16 AM
The best war story I ever heard: Reposted from AARSE
...pull up a sandbag, you ! yeah you there ! get that light swinging, sit down and I'll tell you a story about when I worked with...(looks over both shoulders furtively, leans forward conspiritally and in a hushed voice says)...THEM !
Once upon a time, long, long ago, in a green and boggy land not too far away when I was a stripling youth, I was the brainier half of a Wagtail team. As jobs went it was'nt too bad. Plenty fresh air, guns with real bullets, 50p a day danger money and sometimes we got to go to work in a choppper as we held apart the green,white and gold baddy tribe from the red,white and blue baddy tribe. Some days I could go out in 'mufti' and dressed in my plastic imitation Irvine flying jacket, brutus jeans, Derriboots with white welly socks and my riot helmet with the visor removed, I'd mount my ancient 250 Yam and head off to Lisburn for some hearts and mind action with the colleens that hung about Corkens or the like. Sometimes I'd head off for the Holdfast Disco at Castle D where the RE's had thoughtfully converted the stable next door into a Lurve Shack with blanket GS drapes and swamped mattresses from the SQMS.
It was during my time there that rumours persisted that THEY were there as well. No-one ever saw THEM. No-one had ever met THEM but the 'experts' reckoned you could tell one of THEM by the length of his hair, but, given that every squaddie there grew his hair long at the slightest excuse, you never knew whether it was actually one of THEM you had seen or just some civvy driver or other REMF. Still, the rumours persisted.
Now, one day, twas in the summer as I recall, we were out and about in a green,white and gold part of the land, spreading the peace and impartial goodwill message to the CivPop along with a section from the RHF, in shirt sleeve order, proudly displaying thier 'FOR GOD & ULSTER', RANGERS F.C.' & 'UVF,UDA,F* THE POPE AND THE IRA' tatoos for the delictation of the locals. Twas a shreckin' long, long day I can tell you and we were mightily glad to RTB that evening.
Anyway, no sooner had I kenneled and fed the oppo, blagged some tinnys from the choggi and settled down for an evening with Gloria and UTV, and the tannoy goes' 'Wagtail to the ops room, Wagtail to the ops room. That is all.' BA*TARD !!! so off I trots.
'Evening sir, what've got for me ?' 'Ah right. They want you at so and so in an hour. QRF are waiting to take you. Oh, and they want you in civvies.' 'Civvies ? who wants me in civvies ?' 'How the f**k should I know. No one tells me f**k all, I'm only the Ops Officer FFS. Now b*gger orf.'
So 'orf' I b*ggered and got into my finest 'I'm not a squaddie, I'm one of you's' outfit and went to get the oppo.
Now, my oppo was one of the finest noses ever to graduate from Melton in the late 70's but he'd been a troubled youth. Abandoned by his parents when barely weeks old he'd ended up being drafted into the Pet Corp as an alternative to the dog pound and after four months basic he found himself on the mean streets of Derry. He'd found that first tour hard. Friend and foe alike would mock him for his lack of stature for although he had the noble head and body of a golden labrador his dad had been a pit bull or some such and as a consequence he had little short legs and a big barrel chest. He was so short arrsed he'd need a bunk up just to get into the pigs. All this and the fact that the Pet Corp had decided that this war dogs given name was to be.... Stumpy !!FFS just made it worse. Eventually the stress got too much and after a number of collapses on duty he was diagnosed as epileptic and RTU'd to Melton for the needle........
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 08, 2015, 04:25:14 AM
Now, as luck would have it, when my oppo was RTU'd to Melton he found that the chap who'd trained him was now the head honcho and he decided that the boy should get another chance. He decided to return him to a rural posting instead of an Urban one as it transpired that not only was he epileptic but he'd developed a psycopathic hatred of all things civilian. So, when I went to wake him that night, in my civvys, I should'nt have been overly surprised when he tore out the bed box and grabbed me by the shreckin' leg !!!
'GOB CHA !! CIBBY BABBSTARD !!! he growled through clenched teeth. 'OW, IT'S ME YE STUPID WEE CNUT !!! LEMME shreckIN' GO !!' 'HUH, SOBBY ! WHABBA FUBB OO IB CIBBYS FO ? CNUT' he snarled, 'WE'VE GORRA shreckIN JOB YA MAD WEE toejamE. NOW shreckIN GERROFF MA F*CKING LEG OR I'LL F*CKING DOB YOU !' 'CNUT !' he huffed. 'Enough !! c'mon !'
When we arrived at so and so I headed for the Ops Room, 'Evening sir, what you got for us ?' 'Ah Wagtail, yes, you've been tasked by THEM for something or other, they'll pick you up in 15 minutes and why are your trousers all torn !' 'Long story, Well this should be interesting. Never worked for THEM before and we're not supposed to work in the dark. Still, whats the job.' 'F*cked if I know son, no-one tells me anything, I'm only the Ops Officer. Now b*gger orf.'
So 'orf'we b*ggered and awaited THEM.
Now, this place, so and so, had a very small base and because the locals had a habit of taking pot shots at any vehicle entering or leaving there was a sort of drill for getting in and out. Incoming would radio ahead and as they neared the gates they'd give a couple of toots and the guard would swing them open at the last second and in you'd blast, humping on the brakes as you did to stop you ending up in the cookhouse. I know this now. Did'nt at the time tho'.
Me and the boy were sitting at the unloading bay having a smoke when all of a sudden all hell appeared to break loose. A distant toot, the guard running to open the gates and in roared this f*ck off big Datsun which screeched to a halt beside me. Down came the passenger window and out looked the scariest f*cker I'd ever clapped eyes on. 'Wagtail ?' he growled through the droopiest bandido 'tache on the planet, 'get in the back, quick !!'
They'd caught me by surprise, I'd just about toejam myself. I tried to be cool and flippant, 'Mum said I should never get into cars with strange men !' 'Gerrin the f*cking car arrsehole, now !' snarled the strangest man in the world.
We got in. A screeching three-ish point turn, a toot and a crashing of gates opening and off we shot, up the road and into the darkness. 'My first job with THEM eh? How cool is this ?' I thought. 'F*cking civvy f*cks are gonna get it !!' growled der hund as he stared at the back of thier heads.
'What the f*cks up with the mutt ?' says the strange man in the passenger seat. 'He hates civvys.' 'Well, get a grip of him. I hate f*cking dogs and stop him dribbling on the seat !' 'I'll rip his cnuting head off' snorted the Stump as I held him in his seat by the harness.
Fortunately the scary, grumpy dude in the passenger seat did'nt say much after that and the no less scary, but slightly less grumpy driver briefed me en route. THEY'd been watching some place for the baddie to come and pick up a weapon but he'd failed to trap so they wanted to recover said gat before they pulled out but could'nt pin point it. Thats where we came in. The plan was for them to take us to an RV where we'd be collected by the patrol, 'When the car stops and the lights are out they'll come to the door and get you. Just do what they say, OK ?' 'Sure, no probs.' I said, more confidantly than I felt.
Nice and easy, do as your told, dead simple, no hassle, nothing to go wrong.
Well, so much for the theory.
'I'll bite thier fcuking c*cks off !!! growled the Stump.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 08, 2015, 04:26:48 AM
so anyway, there I was, cruising through the dark lanes of Bandit Country with the hound growling under his breath beside me and the two scary men growling under thier breath in front of me and me, rocking back and forth, humming softly to myself and trying to find a safe, warm place in my mind as I could see this first op with THEM going completely breasts skyward when without warning the engine and lights were cut and we cruised slowly and quietly to a halt in the pitch dark.The Stump and the scary men had stopped growling at each other and the silence was shreckin' eerie.
Now, as I said, I'd been briefed as to what would happen when we stopped, but, when after a few seconds the door beside me opened, I shreckin crapped myself and stifled a girly squeal as this bush materialised from the dakness and whispered, tactically, 'Wagtail ? This way' and then reached in to grab my arm. I had barely enough time to think 'Oh fu...!!!!' when 40 lbs of snarling fur and fury leapt across me and siezed the bush by the arm. 'F*CK BOSS !!! A BUSH ' CHOMP !!! 'GORRE bigtoe !!' 'OHYAH F*CKER !!' hissed the bush painfully. 'OH F*CK !!' hissed the two sacry men in the front. 'OH F*CK !!' I thought and wet myself.
'GET YOUR F*CKING DOG OFF MY ARM YOU CNUT' hissed the bush, urgently. 'TAKE THAT YA shreckER !!' rumbled the dog, manicly 'OH FCUK !! ' whispered every body else.
'LET HIM GO YA DERANGED LITTLE CNUT' I commanded, 'WHO ARE YOU CALLING A DERANGED LITTLE CNUT' threatened the bush, 'NOT YOU !!! THE shreckING DOG !!! ' I whispered, desperately. 'OH FCUK !!' whispered the scary men, groaningly 'GNARR, GNARR, GNARRR' growled the culprit, determindly.
The only way I could convinve the little f*cker to release the bush was to squeeze his eyeballs with my thumbs 'OHYAH CNUT !!!!' he yelped as he flew back in his seat after letting the bush go. 'OYAH CNUT !!!!' hissed the bush as he went the other way and landed on his arrse on the verge. 'OH FCUK !!' moaned the scary men in the car.
I did'nt have time to think or say anything before I was grabbed by the collar and hoiked bodily out of the car swiftly followed by the dog courtesy of the lead I still clutched and we landed in a bundle of legs, arms, paws and curses beside the Datsun's rear wheel which just about ran over my head as the scary men. who'd obviously decided enough was enough, sped off into the night.
'CNUT !! get it sorted and follow me !!' hissed the bush, menacingly, 'COME ON THEN B*STARD !!!' challenged the dog, aggresively. 'What the fcuk is the problem with that fcucking animal ?' asked the bush, equally as aggresively. 'He does'ny like civvys' I replied, miserably, 'or bushes either it would appear.' 'Cnuts !' muttered the bush as he headed off through the hedgerow, 'C'mon, follow me !'
So we did. The epileptic, psycopathic canine dwarf and his miserable, doom laden handler.
So, after a whiley, staggering through the ooloo, we stopped and another couple of bushes emerged from the darkness. The sight of them even shut the nutter up and the chief bush came over and whispered, tactically, in my ear' 'What the fcuk happened to your trouser leg ?' 'EH ?, oh that, look it's a long story. Could we just crack on with this shreckin job my nerves are shredded as it is !'
'Righ-ho' whispers the chief bush, 'here's the story ....whissy ....whissy....whissy... and we think it's over there.' he announces, pointing into the darkness where I could see the sum total of fcuk all. 'Right' said the chief bush, when I pointed this out, 'we'll take you down to that gate. It's just beyond there.'
So away we went, the chief bush, followed by me with the dog in front of me choking and gagging, as the only way I could keep him quiet was to grip him by the back of the collar and lift his front feet off the gound.
We stopped at the gate and I tried to calm the psycopathic hoo-er down before we started searching. I did this by whispering the most blood curling threats I could think off in his lug hole and, getting him as calm as he was ever going to be, got him in a full lift and leaned over the gate to drop him on the other side to start the search.
'CRACK !!' went the top spar of the gate as it gave way under my chest. 'CRACK !!' went the second spar as my chest hit that on the way down and pitched me and the dog arrse over tit through what remained of the gate. 'OOOOHHHHHYYYYYAAAAAA FFFFFCCCCCUUUUKKKKKEERR!!' howled the dog as I landed on his soft bits, 'BOW WOW WOW, HOWL HOWL HOWL, BARK BARK BARK !!!' replied every dog in the shreckin' neighbourhood,
'CNUT !!!' hissed the chief bush in my ear as he gripped me by the scruff of me neck, 'ARE YOU FCUCKING PAIR DELIBERATELY TRYING TO MAKE A CNUT OF THIS, YOU'VE WOKEN UP THE WHOLE FCUKING COUNTY !!' 'IT'S NO OUR FAULT' I hissed back 'WE'VE NEVER FCUKING DONE THIS BEFORE AND IT'S shreckING DARK !!! WE'RE NO SUPPOSED TO WORK IN THE FCUKING DARK. !! IF YOU COWBOYS WANT DOG SUPPORT YE SHOULD GIVE US SOME FCUKING NOTICE.' desperation was making me brave ! 'COWBOYS, FCUKING COWBOYS !!!!' even in the dark I could see the viens popping in his head, 'YOU'RE A PAIR OF USELESS T*ATS. I SHOULD SLOT THE FCUKING PAIR OF YOU NOW AND BURY YOU HERE !!'
As the chief bush and I traded whispered insults the Stump had recovered his composure and wandered off,
'SSSSTTTT !!! LOOK !!!' hissed another of the bushes and pointed at the dog who had his nose down at the base of a stack of bales not twelve feet from where we crouched. As we watched he snuffled back and forth a couple of times and then stuck his nose into a gap in the bales and then the tail started going ten to the dozen!! He paused for a sec and looked back to check if we were paying attention then whacked his nose back into the bales, 'BOSS, BOSS, BOSS !! A GUN, A GUN, A GUN, A GUN, A GUN, A GUN LOOK,LOOK,LOOK, LOOK, A GUN, A GUN, A GUN !!!' he excitedly indicated.
I gripped him by the harness and pulled him off, 'BOSS, BOSS, BOSS, ISSAGUN, ISSAGUN, ISSAGUN ISSAGUN !!!!' I could hardly keep hold of him.
One of the bushes stuck his hand into the space between the bales and pulled out a wrapped bundle and to a cacophany of howling and barking local dogs he slowly unwrapped the top of the thing and there its was,
'FCUKING TOLD YA, FCUKING TOLD YA, FCUKING TOLD YA, ISSAGUN, ISSAGUN, ISSAGUN, ISSAGUN !!! GIMME IT, GIMME IT, GIMME IT !!!' the Stump was beside himself. The bushes were chuffed too, 'GOOD BOY, GOOD BOY, FCUKING RESULT, GOOD DOG, GOOD DOG.!! they hissed delightedly as they patted the dog. 'I KNOW I AM, I KNOW I AM, GIMME THE GUN, GIMME THE GUN !!' replied the Stump. Me ? I watched this unbridled scene of joy, reflected on how we had snatched a win from the jaws of certain disaster, and nearly fainted with relief !!!
The RTB was pretty uneventful and even finding that the soap dodging RHF porridge wogs had proffed my tinnies and the choggi was shut, it could'nt spoil the result. I gave the poison dwarf a treat and let him kip in the room that night and as I lay in my scratcher and watched him chew on the remains of my jeans I thought ' you're pretty good when ye wanna be ye wee fcuk'. 'Fcukig right I am,' he looked back, 'and I hauled your sorry arrse out the toejame tonight, eh ?'
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: danny76 on September 08, 2015, 04:27:41 AM
Funniest Arrse thread ever :aok
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 08, 2015, 04:44:55 AM
Jesus, I'd forgotten just how much swearing there is in that story. Maybe Skuzzy will be kind....
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: danny76 on September 08, 2015, 04:54:38 AM
My grandpa landed on Omaha Beach with the 29th Infantry Division, and in his later years as I got older he opened up a lot. He remarked going in with the second wave, that the closer the they got to shore the more bodies he saw floating in the water, some dead and some were just floating. He was near the front of the Higgins boat and he said right before they landed he could see bodies littering the shoreline and the beach.
When the ramp came down he said roughly half of the guys in his platoon got off before the Germans began targeting their boat. The MG-42's were disastrous as he said, 'Men were ripped to pieces, and in some cases he sad whole platoons got slaughtered.' He dove into a hole created by a mortar first and he low crawled most of the way to the sea wall. He told with about fifty yards left he just took off in a dead sprint. He said the German machine gunners and snipers were very accurate. He didn't really talk about clearing the bluffs because he did things he didn't want to do, but he told me about the first German solider he knew he shot. He said as they made their way up the bluffs immense fire fights broke out everywhere. They were clearing the bluffs and pushing inland when his platoon came across a hedgerow. They crouched and were getting ready to go through the other side of the hedge row when a German soldier stepped out maybe forty feet in front of him. Grandpa said he didn't even think he just raised his rifle and fired. The German soldier crumpled and lay there. Grandpa said his squad leader order his men to stay on the 'american' side of the hedge row as they moved forward. Grandpa said when he went by the German he shot that he looked like a boy of maybe 17-18, with neat black hair and two clean holes in his chest. Grandpa said he vommitted after that and that since then he'd always seen that bots face here and there. Grandpa had lots of stories about the war several which really funny, which were the ones he preferred.
Disturbing that people had to go through that
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 08, 2015, 08:05:27 AM
This is why we don't talk about it. IMO, the only reason to go to war is to prevent those you love from experiencing it. And, if that is indeed the case, then why on earth would you come home and tell those you love all about it. No, you just tell the funny stories and leave the serious ones for after the 3rd bottle of scotch.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: BFOOT1 on September 08, 2015, 10:32:04 AM
This is why we don't talk about it. IMO, the only reason to go to war is to prevent those you love from experiencing it. And, if that is indeed the case, then why on earth would you come home and tell those you love all about it. No, you just tell the funny stories and leave the serious ones for after the 3rd bottle of scotch.
I guess grandpa told me because I was writing down his stories, and it just came up. D Day and St. Lo were his hardest stories to tell but he told me.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SFRT - Frenchy on September 08, 2015, 01:23:11 PM
My grand father's war was initially short. He was given 5 bullets, a gun and sent North to the front. His first German encounter was a Stuka attack. The Stuka pined them down with straffing runs and he recalled the plane flying banked while the rear gunner was shooting. Then came a bunch of Panzers, looking like they were circling his unit to trap them. There was a car parked about 100 yards away, so joined by an another guy he made a run for it. Keys were inside, started the thing and drove right in front of a PZ in his escape. Never saw an German infantry man.
Spent the rest of the war as an Alpine Hunter half running away and half disrupting Germans war effort. :salute
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 08, 2015, 01:55:24 PM
Give it up to the French for fighting a determined and angry enemy when there backs were up against the wall
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 08, 2015, 07:07:57 PM
:confused:
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: danny76 on September 08, 2015, 07:37:28 PM
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 09, 2015, 03:19:46 AM
:)
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: JimmyC on September 09, 2015, 06:14:35 AM
:rofl
:confused:
:bolt:
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: zack1234 on September 09, 2015, 06:36:33 AM
I have the duke of wellingtons feet :old:
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 07:19:14 AM
What sure France needed help but that was because they were surprise steamrolled by an angry organized German army. They didn't have the defense Britain had with it being further away and separated by the English channel and the USA with it being on the other side of the planet. I wonder how they would fare had they been surprise blitzkrieged early in the war..? At least they kept a resistance going...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 09, 2015, 08:28:02 AM
They were blitzkrieged early in the war. 1940. Very shortly after Denmark, Holland and Belgium. The only reason they lasted as long as they did is cos the Germans were busy chasing the British Expeditionary Force to Dunkirk. Shortly after that they surrendered.
French flags are double sided, the other side being white. Saves time when all they gotta do is turn the flag round...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 08:37:36 AM
Still, being a neighbor to a ruthless machine like Germany was early in the second world war had to be a bad situation :noid
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SysError on September 09, 2015, 08:56:16 AM
... the only reason to go to war is to prevent those you love from experiencing it. ...
I beg to differ....
(http://i59.tinypic.com/miiiis.jpg)
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: xbrit on September 09, 2015, 10:15:18 AM
I know it's Wiki but it will give you the basic details. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bravo_Two_Zero
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 10:25:59 AM
I already read up on it... yes it does have a familiar ring to it... but it does not mean it did not happen... My friend's story didn't involve killing anyone, and the whole team from what I understood made the trip back to Syria...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 09, 2015, 10:49:20 AM
Bravo Two Zero was the longest escape and evasion in SAS history, hence why it's famous. If a Yank detachment had done the same thing.....don'tcha think it'd have been national news at some point? I challenge you to find any record whatsoever of a US unit tabbing to Syria during Desert Storm.
In any case, the only reason B20 had to tab to Syria was cos the numpty in charge of comms had the wrong frequency, if they'd been able to call in they'd have had a helicopter pick up. Ask your mate why they didn't get a pick up and chose to walk out.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 10:51:20 AM
I don't work their anymore so I can't ask him, second of all 40 to 50 miles is a lot different from 180 miles....
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 10:58:24 AM
they must've been scared schitless of the Iraqi convoy and kept moving instead waiting for a chopper... I dont know the whole story I'm just telling what was told to me...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 09, 2015, 11:33:25 AM
Ok, last word on it from me: It's bollocks.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 11:35:37 AM
I can't let you do that to a genuine friend... I still believe him...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: NatCigg on September 09, 2015, 01:06:21 PM
beLIEve all you want. Seems like you put your turtle shell on and there is not much getting through. Probably better that way so you don't lose a friend. Even if he does not minding lieing to you to make something he is not, no biggie lots of people do it.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 01:08:40 PM
i've heard enough of the bs card and not enough of the war story card..
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 03:21:21 PM
natcigg is so ready to knock someone down for what a friend related to them, how about being brave enough to inform us of your own war story, or coud you not unterstand the thread subject?
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Rolex on September 09, 2015, 03:27:54 PM
People who lie to you are not your friends.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 03:28:52 PM
how do you know it was a lie?
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SPKmes on September 09, 2015, 03:42:27 PM
Wow...are you still around rolex...nice
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: danny76 on September 09, 2015, 03:49:15 PM
they must've been scared schitless of the Iraqi convoy and kept moving instead waiting for a chopper... I dont know the whole story I'm just telling what was told to me...
There was no convoy, they were engaged by a boy, a cripple and an old goat herder that thought they were threatening their flock. Their comms procedures were dire. The firefight that wounded one and killed Bob Consiglio was with a police unit not Iraqi regulars. Chris Ryan did tab 300km to Syria which was epic E+E, but he did not engage packed enemy vehicles wi thm 66mm's and M203's. Take a look at The Real Bravo Two Zero by Micheal Asher :old:
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 09, 2015, 03:50:38 PM
I already read up on it.. it's simliar but not the same...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: danny76 on September 09, 2015, 05:53:27 PM
I already read up on it.. it's simliar but not the same...
Michael Asher followed in the exact footsteps of B20 in order to verify the original account, he was ex 22 SAS and an Arabic specialist. It wasn't similar, he basically produced incontrovertible evidence that B20 was a complete pile of bollocks
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: morfiend on September 09, 2015, 05:54:29 PM
I have a story!
There's a lanc that still flies not far from where I live. They take the lanc to several airshows during the season and when ever they prep the lanc for flight they invite and old vet to see her as she warms up.
He shows every time and stand in a special place they have for him so he's not disturbed. I saw this gentlemen a couple years ago and as soon as the merlins fired the tears started to flow.
So I asked a friend about this as he used to work at the museum and he told me the old gentleman was a tail gunner in WW2 and had survived the war. At that point I asked no more and stood in silence to watch this fellow.
Later on I happen to see the old guy leaving and walked up to him and told him "thank you",he smiled and nodded back to me.
That simple nod was more meaningful than any story he could have ever told me!
:salute
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 09, 2015, 06:06:30 PM
Alright then, continuing the repost of the epic adventures of Stumpy and Jock.
For those of you that don't know the Army Dog Unit(NI) was run run by the Pet Corp(R.A.V.C.) but all the handlers were volunteers from every other unit in the Army, I'll stand corrected, but I don't know of any other unit where you'd have found such an all arms mix and they were a truly eclectic and...erm...interesting bunch.
Anyhow, the permanent Pet Corp presence was tiny, and the only other Pet Corp we came across were dog trainers they imposed on us from Melton to get some operational time under their belts and their GSM. Mostly the guys were OK but their presence was a pain in the arse as someone had to accompany them on ops. However ,one particular arrsehole full screw (cpl) arrived and was put in charge of the biggest section in the Bde. Now, not only was this unfair on the incumbent, a Plank who'd been dogging in the Province longer than Gerry Adams' had a beard, but it was unfair on the Pet Corp tube to leave him to the tender mercys of some of the cut throats and brigands that inhabited the Section at the time.
Anyhow, it took about three weeks for this tube to annoy just about everyone in the Brigade, which was some going given that we were spread far and wide, but the issue that sealed his fate was his treatment of the dog he'd been given when he arrived.
Now, dog handlers, whatever you think of them (and I've heard all the comments over the years) have one thing in common. You can spit in their eye, p!ss in their beer or molest their children, but, the dog !!! Don't shreck with the dog !!! and certainly don't mistreat one of the guys favourite dogs, 'specially if someone's out too get you.
The dog in question was a gorgeous, smokey grey, long haired shepherd who'd been in the Provence for a couple of years and was everyone's favourite . Unfortunately the Tube got him when his previous handler RTU'd. And he mistreated him.
So, anyway, one day me and two of the other handlers arrived at the place from our one man swamps elsewhere in the Bde to cover for some big local op that the sections dogs were out on and to our relief found the the Tube had departed on a weeks leave that morning. While the other two turned the accomodation over looking for the hidden beer and porn stashes I went out to the kennels and renewed my aquaintance with the dog and found him in crap state. His coat was in rag order and he had patches of weeping skin the size of your hands under his coat. The poor cnut was miserable. I took him in and, over some of the beer the other two had liberated, we formed a plan.
It was a fairly straight forward plan I have too say. We decided to shop the t*at.
(cont...)
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 09, 2015, 06:12:16 PM
Now, when it came to dealing with the Pet Corp ye had to be careful as a 'Them and Us' culture existed sometimes, so instead of going through the Pet Corp BDE Sgt ( "could'nt contact him, sir" "Thought this was a case you'd want to see straight away,sir" ..ahem..ahem) we grabbed a van and took the dog straight to the vet, a Pet Corp Captain, who went truly and awesomely, shreckin ballistic, hit the roof, and launched into a tirade as only a Rupert with a yah yah accent can. 'Facking' Unit handlers this and 'Facking' Unit handlers that.....blah...blah..facking blah...who's facking dawrg is this anyway !!
'It's Cpl ******'s dog, sir'
An extremly pregnant paws (geddit ?)
'WHO's facking dawrg !?!?' Realisation dawning.
'Erm, Cpl ********'s dog,sir. Y'know, one of your facking handlers. Oh, and a trainer to boot.....sir!'
Well, his eyes just about popped oot his heed, he went a funny shade of purple, let out a strangled curse that sounded like 'STRAGAbutterOLODDO !!' and stomped out the room !
'Ha !' we thought 'Fcuking result !'
But, it wasn't to be. The usual Pet Corp cover up ensued and the Tube remained in situ. But, he knew that we knew that he knew that we knew what he'd done to the dog and despite the bollox about 'rare skin disorders' and other such cobblers the dog was properly cared for after that.
And......
The Tubes nemesis was just arriving in the shape of the meanest, funniest, and it has to be said, the most downright shreckin ugliest Argyll and Sutherland Highlander you ever saw who took over as the Section 2i/c about this time.
Now, the town where this section was based was quite big and on a Friday and Saurday night the two local tribes would entertain themselves by getting p!shed as arrses until closing time and then meeting in the main street where they would club the fcuking daylights out of each other until they all got bored. The SF view of this was 'Fine, saves us doing it.' The end result was usually some martyrs to either 'Ra Cause' or 'Quain and Coontry' in the A&E (emergency room) and few broken windows. Then a new Unit took over.
The new OC (Officer Commanding) decided he was having none of this and started deploying bricks into the town at shutting time to control the unrest, the end result of which was it went on longer and the PBI got bricked by both sides.
One particular night it really did get out of hand and someone in their wisdom decided to 'SEND FOR THE DOGS !!' which the Ops Room duly did.
Now, obviously, who ever sent up the the cry didn't expect the rag bag of Heinz 57's, doey eyed alsations and baby loving labradors that turned up but the flap had obviously go the better off him.
'You lot, get in there and do something !!' he commanded the ugliest Argyll and Sutherland Highlander on the planet and pointed towards a heaving throng of celtic and rangers scarves, DPM and assorted weaponry.
'Wharra fcuk dae ye expect me tae dae ?' came the reply, 'it's butterin search dugs a've got, no butterin grizzly bears !'
'Well I don't fcuking know !!!' came the reply, 'Do something !!'
So he did. He got the dogs back in the Rovers and went back to camp.
After a 'debrief' the next day which was liberally puncuated with lots of 'Ah dinny butterin' care, suurr' , 'Dae whit the butter ye want surr' and 'Thur ma butterin dugs an thall dae whit Ah buttering tell tham, surr !' the ugliest Argyll on the planet arranged to have some guard dogs brought down from Long Kesh for the weekend bun fights.
Which brings us right back.....
........ to the Tube.
(cont...)
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 09, 2015, 06:16:25 PM
Guard dogs or 'Snappers' are the GSD's that joined the Army but were too aggressive to be trained as anything else. The best ones were kept for training the handlers at Melton and UK deployment. The psycopathic, crocodile on legs, barely controllable death machine remainder went to Long Kesh to guard the Maze prison. These weren't to be fcuked about with and I doubt there's many GD handlers going about that don't carry some kind of souvenir from the day their Snapper decided he was going to be boss for the day.
Anyhow, I pitched up at the camp one day and saw there was something going at the football pitch beside the kennels. The pitch was right on the edge of the camp and surrounded on all sides by six feet chain link and topped with the usual barbldee wire. There was as entrance by the kennels and in the far corner a thirty foot high block built sanger with a door at the bottom. The sanger wasn't used usually.
When I got there I found the ugliest Argyll in the world standing watching the Tube who was lecturing the four snapper handlers who'd arrived from Kesh for the weekends fun.
'Ut's ra same uvry weekend' he glottled when I asked, 'yon coont teechin the boyz hoo tae suck eggs. He'll be oaf in a meenit. Live baiting yon bear thair.' he indicated a particulary impressive killing machine who was balefully sizing up the Tube.
'Livebaiting' was a technique that Pet Corp trainers used for GD training instead of the full padded suit and helmet. They put themselves in a position where they could run from the dog and get to safety, say, up a tree or the like, before the dog got too you. It stopped dogs getting 'suit focused' but you had to use it with care.
'Aye, livebaiting, ra posin' coont' says the ugliest Argyll on the planet when I asked him, 'he'll start at yon half way line an' run like butter when the dugs released and hide in the bottom of yon sanger. T*at. Watch, hurr ee goes.'
Sure enough all six foot four of gangly Tube saunters out to the half way line and starts jumping up and down and baiting the dog which by this time was gnashing,howling and doing summersaults on the end of the lead,
'HALT,HALT,HALT !! OR I RELEASE MY DOG !!' click 'GERRUMMM!!!' and woosh !! the dog took off like a hairy guided missile and the Tube started legging it for the sanger. I glanced at the ugliest Argyll on the planet and saw a smile spread across his puss...
'What the fcuk are you up too ?' I asked, saying nothing he took his hand out of his pocket, opened it and there was a key !
'Don't fcuking tell me !?!'
'Aye, key tae ra sanger door. Watch this !'
And we did, with a horrible fascination, as the Tube reached the door of the sanger and started tugging on the handle just sort of stiffly at first then more and more franticly as he gazed, horrified, over his shoulder at the ever closing death on legs. Giving up on the door he started legging it along the fenceline, arms going like pistons and his knees damn near reaching ear level. The dog, which looked as though it was about to go supersonic, tried to change direction, tripped, and went rolling arrse over tit which gave the Tube time to get half way along the fence before the pursuit was on again. Everybody was transfixed, including the handler who belatedly took off after his dog and joined in the chase.
The Tube gained the corner but instead of using the extra posts there to climb out of the way he careened round the bend and started tearing down the next straight. The dog, seeing this, took the direct route and headed to intercept him, there seemed to be a dreadful inevitablity about it, but, last gasp, the Tube saw him coming and did a most impressive full stop and volte face for such a gangly fcuker and bolted back for the corner as the dog smashed into the fence where he'd been mere seconds before, recovered, and shot after him again. Christ my heart was in my mouth as we watched the Tube gain the corner and start scrambling up the post, a look of complete terror on his face as he watched the land based hairy cruise missle go airborne and...
'OOOOO, YA CNUT HE'S GOT HIM !!!!' as we all averted our gaze.
'Naw he's naw,' said the ugliest Argyll on the planet, who was grinning from ear to ear by this time, 'he's only nailed his combat jaiket.'
and sure enough there was the Tube, hanging on to the barbldee wire for grim death with 90lbs of snarling fur and fury hanging and jerking from the arrse of his jacket for the few seconds it took for the handler to get there and wrestle a now completely berserk dog off him.
Fcuk me ! I was completely drained, but, the scupcakes soon started kicking in.
'Rat'll teach ra posin' coont !' grinned the ugliest Argyll in the world, who, just too finish us off completely walked towards the red, sweating, shredded Tube as he approached and telling him.
'Haw, ****, yuu'll bay needin thus if yur livebaitin'
handed him the key !!!
Marvelous.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Meatwad on September 09, 2015, 06:52:43 PM
Somebody was telling me a war story about how they fended off two enemy combatants and all he had to defend himself was a small knife that was hidden in the crack of his butt to make it look like he was unarmed. He won but they stole his rucksack though and got away somewhat injured. I doubt he would lie since no body lies about war stories so it has to be true
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SIK1 on September 09, 2015, 08:35:24 PM
Somebody was telling me a war story about how they fended off two enemy combatants and all he had to defend himself was a small knife that was hidden in the crack of his butt to make it look like he was unarmed. He won but they stole his rucksack though and got away somewhat injured. I doubt he would lie since no body lies about war stories so it has to be true
Funny thing is that gentleman owed up to his fabrications and has gone on to what appears to be a fine young man.
craz you're not doing yourself any favors by defending the obvious fabrications of "your friend". The ball point pen thing doesn't even come close to passing the smell test. As for the Bravo two zero story it is obvious that he ripped it off.
It's one thing to enhance something you were actually involved in. It is entirely another thing when someone makes themselves out to be something they are not. And, if he claimed to have been awarded a medal and was not he may be in violation of the stolen valor act.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: JimmyC on September 10, 2015, 01:28:32 AM
Ferkin hilarious :cheers: Swoop
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Scherf on September 10, 2015, 02:27:07 AM
Heheh, dawrgs.
Have you seen the one where the handler and doggums are ordered out to work with "them"?
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 10, 2015, 03:09:30 AM
Yes. And you haven't read this whole thread. :)
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 10, 2015, 03:24:03 AM
Volume 3:
At the time I was with the Army Dog Unit every handler had to do guard dogs, Snappers, first as a sort of probation before you went onto the specialist role, Wagtails or Groundhogs. You did two weeks at Melton and then ended up at Kesh/Maze. We were supposed to do at least six months there with the Snappers but I, luckily, only did about three before I retrained. I say luckily because apart from the daily risk of being chewed to fack by some grumpy hound, the job itself was mind numbingly boring. We did 24 'on' patrolling the inside and outside of the big wall round the Maze, 24 'standby' in camp when ye did training, admin and the like and 24 'off' when you could sign out of camp after 0930 to go..ahem..shopping, and then go on the screaming p!sh in good old Lisburn.
When I arrived at Kesh I was teamed up with a dug called Shadow, a veritable shreckin horse of an animal. I'm no joking! You could have saddled this facker and ridden him round on patrol. Anyhow, after I'd taken him to a quiet place with his muzzle on and leathered the fack oot of him with an aluminium feed bowl, he accepted I was the boss and I never had much of a problem with him. In fact I did quite well in trials with him too. But, after I'd been told I'd got my Spec Dog place Shadow went to a new guy and I did the last shift with one of the 'pool' dogs.
The pool dogs had their own 'ward' in the canine looney bin that was the Maze kennels and you could tell their history by how many little red 'handler with a cross through' tallys they had painted on the kennel. The one with the most tallys was Khan, which is Arabic for 'Flesh rendering, bone crunching, blood supping, bringer of death'. The big, mad, hairy, people eating f*cker had only ever had one handler, an even bigger, even madder, much hairier, people eating Royal Hampshire who'd been RTU'd (returned to unit) for biting some handbags from HQNI in Kesh disco. Khan would lurk in the bed box at the back of the kennel and if he even suspected that someone was near he'd come charging out and literally throw himself against the fence and go into such a frenzy of barking and aggression he'd make himself puke. Stone mad. They even had his feed bowl on a chain so's they could feed and water him and if the Vet needed to see him they had to put knock out drugs in his grub! Why they did'ny just shoot the poor f*cker I'll never know.
'That'll be your dog 'til you leave Jock' says the Section Cmdr, indicating Khan who was hanging from the ceiling and bending the wires of the cage apart with his teeth.
'You ARE f*cking joking right !?!' I says as Khan slams against the fence and covers me in flecks of frothy spittle.
'Yeah, just kidding, yours is down here, he he !'
Sphincter relaxes.
We left Khan puking his load up and then attacking it, just 'cos he could, and went to a kennel at the end where there was a dog called Rinty. No tallys on the kennel, no kamikaze "am gonna kill ye" antics, just a rather bored looking GSD sitting in the middle of the run watching the world go by and humming to himself.
'Whats the story with him then Sarge?'
'Dunno Jock, just arrived from Melton the other day. Seems ok though''
'Right, he'll do. It's just for a couple of days anyway.'
Anyhow, I pitches up to collect Rinty for our stag (watch) and goes into the run.
'Hello son, who's a good boy ? Wanna go on stag..blah..blah...blah'
The dog just looked at me blankly and yawned.
'F*ck me.' I thought 'got a real live wire here.'
So, I clipped him up and and with a 'Hurumph' from the dog we headed for the first stag which was round the outside of the nick. F*ck me I've never met a more boring dog in my life. I chatted to him, told him me best jokes, offered him a ball and showed him the tadpoles in the puddles.
Nothing.
Tickled his ears, showed him some rabbits, promised him a squeak and tried to get him involved in a peeing competition.
Nothing. Nada. Zip.
I got back to the office after the stag.
'Fcuk me, that Rinty's the most boring dog on the planet !' I said to the rest of the guys who were sitting round the table playing Risk.
'Mmmm, s'that right.' they muttered. Bored.
'Kin'ell.' I thought ' maybe it's me.
So, a whiley later we goes out for the second stag and this time its internal. The army was responsible for the security outside the nick and the first 'catwalks' which were an area between the inside of the wall and the first fence. Just bare earth areas about twenty feet wide and a mile long. Mind numbingly boring.
I'd given up trying to engage the dog in conversation and I was blethering to meself as we were wandering along and, without really thinking about it, I checked the dog by giving his lead a tug to get him into heel. # 'FCUK ME !!!' he turned and nailed me quicker than a shrecking rattlesnake !! He only missed me arm because of the loose sleeve of my waterproofs but he got a shrecking big mouthful of that and started tugging backwards like a barsteward.
Thinking 'Hmmm, this is an interesting little situation ?' or some such I tried to choke him off with the collar but the cnut just pulled harder, growling like a maniac. I could'nt get the baton oot me flak jacket so thinking 'This is getting shrecking serious.' I whipped out the pistol and whacked the cnut right between the eyes. That make him let go! He took three steps back, shook his heed and with the most blood curdling shrecking snarl I've ever heard, he launched himself at me again.
'AAARRRGGGGHHHH YAAA CCCUUUUNNNNTTTTT' I squawked as I stepped back, tripped over a rock and landed on my arrse. 'AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE !!!!' I squealed as I dodged my head to the side and the jaws slammed shut beside my ear. The cnut had missed my heed but had got a grip on the hood of my waterproofs and was snorting and grunting in my ear.
Panic ? Me ?
Yer shrecking right !!!! Squealing like a girlie about to lose her knickers I got the twa*t in a head lock and we started rolling about the ground in a scrap that, as far as he was concerned, was to the death. I'd lost my grip on the lead and dropped the pistol when I'd fallen and I was getting desperate. I got a hand free and started trying to get a grip on the cnut anywhere I could when, as I got a hand underneath him, I found them.....
Doggy bollox !!!...
'YESSS!!!' I thought and got a grip on his nut sack and did my best to seperate them from his body !!
'OOOOOHHHHHHYYYYYYAAAAAAAFFFFUUUUCCCCKKKKKEERRR !!!' howled Rinty and leapt off me like a scalded cat, or a near debollocked dog I suppose, and started running in circles as he tried to get a look at his apple. I scrabbled about and retrieved the pistol and as I went to c*ck it I tripped over the rock, again and landed on my arrse, again. In what I can only descibe as a blind panic I crawled to the wall got my back against it, cocked the pistol and in a voice that sounded just far too shrill yelled.
'COME ON YA FCUKER !!! MAKE MY DAY !!!' or some other Clint Eastwoodish bollox!
But, by now the dog was sitting whinging and licking his nuts and, thinking that shooting the tw*t might spoil my Spec Dog chances, I pounced on the shrecker, wrestled a muzzle onto him and tied the cnut to the fence. Once the hoo-er was secure I sunk to knees and whimpering like a girl tried to get a cigarette oot.
'Oi, Jock !!' came a shout. I was completely confused. I looked around.
'Oi, Jock !! Up here ye daft cnut !!' I looked up. Two beaming Sapper faces were looking down from the watch tower.
'That was brilliant Jock, gonna do it again ??'
Fcuking Engineers. I fcuking hate them !!
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SysError on September 10, 2015, 06:00:17 AM
Was his name Brian Williams? Was he on the same plane when Hilliary was "shot at?"
Yeah, that's the ticket...
So it turns out that as we get older and older, our memories of ourselves get sharper and sharper. Thing is though, as we get older and older we are more and more likely to misremember events and to even fill in any gaps that might develop in our memories. We have a tendency to exaggerate.
Unless there is photographic or film evidence to the contrary, we tend (at least initially) to not believe any suggestions that we have misremembered events or accept any accounting of events that would contravene our own.
What is interesting about Brian Williams and Hillary Clinton is that they eventually came around and acknowledged their exaggerations/faulty memories. That is somewhat atypical. I suppose public figures have more pressure on them and they want the whole thing to go away as quickly as possible.
Far more typical is Bill O'Reilly’s reaction. O'Reilly is on record as saying that while he was a war correspondent in the Falklands in1982 that he experienced combat situations. Some of his stories are quite hair rising. O’Reilly:
“I was in a situation one time, in a war zone in Argentina, in the Falklands, where my photographer got run down and then hit his head and was bleeding from the ear on the concrete. And the army was chasing us. I had to make a decision. And I dragged him off, you know, but at the same time, I'm looking around and trying to do my job, but I figure I had to get this guy out of there because that was more important.”
There are a few other stories, but I assume you get the idea.
The problem is that no one in the Falklands remembers him there, his bosses at the time do not remember him being there and his photographer has no recollection of the events. Even Bill O'Reilly does not recall any of these events in his books.
I am sure that when O’Reilly first told these stories that he was convinced that they had actually happened.
People forget, they misremember, they exaggerate, they construct events that never happened and cannot figure out that they do not happen. People also knowingly lie.
Give people a chance to come to terms with their error(s) before you condemn them.
craz07’s friend, however, may need professional help. Assuming other people’s identity is real dicey.
Other than that, if Grand papa’s war stores seem a bit livelier over time, just smile and offer to transcribe his recollections.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: zack1234 on September 10, 2015, 06:13:10 AM
There's a lanc that still flies not far from where I live. They take the lanc to several airshows during the season and when ever they prep the lanc for flight they invite and old vet to see her as she warms up.
He shows every time and stand in a special place they have for him so he's not disturbed. I saw this gentlemen a couple years ago and as soon as the merlins fired the tears started to flow.
So I asked a friend about this as he used to work at the museum and he told me the old gentleman was a tail gunner in WW2 and had survived the war. At that point I asked no more and stood in silence to watch this fellow.
Later on I happen to see the old guy leaving and walked up to him and told him "thank you",he smiled and nodded back to me.
That simple nod was more meaningful than any story he could have ever told me!
:salute
oh sorry I missed morfiend's post in the midst of swoops rantings :salute
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 10, 2015, 10:46:35 AM
What part of my last 5 posts have been a rant? You wanted stories, there are some stories, if you can't be arsed to read them then it's your loss but if you haven't read them then you don't know if it's a rant or not. You clearly haven't read them, you ask for stories and then don't read them, why'd you bother asking?
Here's another story for you: One day Swoop met a complete pillock on the AH BBS. The end.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 10, 2015, 10:47:54 AM
stop trolling swoop
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Shamus on September 10, 2015, 10:50:14 AM
Here's another story for you: One day Swoop met a complete pillock on the AH BBS. The end.
:rofl
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 10, 2015, 10:53:09 AM
figures he'd have to devolve to name-calling can't have a normal discussion on a forum, mr. crabby having a bad day?
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 10, 2015, 10:58:09 AM
Yeah see, you don't know me very well but the one thing that's guaranteed to get a reaction is some supercilious pillock being passive aggressive. Passive aggression gets met with real aggression from me, always, without exception. If you don't like it, don't be passive aggressive. If you don't understand how you've been passive aggressive then.....
actually, I really don't care whether you understand or not, I suspect not.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 10, 2015, 10:59:01 AM
awww stop being a crab for god sake
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 10, 2015, 11:07:51 AM
:-)
Absolutely not. Never.
Danny, explain to him what a Crab is in the British armed services.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 10, 2015, 11:09:54 AM
you're being obtuse
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: xbrit on September 10, 2015, 11:15:09 AM
Danny, explain to him what a Crab is in the British armed services.
Swoop leave us Crabs out of this....proud Crab for 15 years.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 10, 2015, 11:19:50 AM
Really?! I never knew that. You could have mentioned it before....
Which squadron?
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 10, 2015, 11:38:09 AM
P.S. In response to a question asked elsewhere on this board:
Wagtails are search dogs (guns, explosives, money, drugs, etc), Groundhogs are tracker dogs (people) and Snappers are guard dogs (anything that doesn't run fast enough).
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Xtrepid on September 10, 2015, 11:47:41 AM
Yeah see, you don't know me very well but the one thing that's guaranteed to get a reaction is some supercilious pillock being passive aggressive. Passive aggression gets met with real aggression from me, always, without exception. If you don't like it, don't be passive aggressive. If you don't understand how you've been passive aggressive then.....
actually, I really don't care whether you understand or not, I suspect not.
+2 Swoop! :aok Knew what supercilious meant, and had my suspicions what pillock meant, but, I had to look it up... :rofl
X :salute
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: xbrit on September 10, 2015, 11:50:09 AM
Really?! I never knew that. You could have mentioned it before....
Which squadron?
Not a regiment Crab, a flying Crab with UKMAMS when the Squadron still existed, they are now a part of 1AMW at Brize. I was there from 74-89.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Skyyr on September 10, 2015, 11:51:12 AM
So I've got a war story...
We were on a routine training mission, north of Bagram, Afghanistan. Fairly routine, and fairly boring. We were supposed to complete our recurring quals ahead of schedule, and there was no reported enemy in the area, so everyone was rather complacent. About two hours into the flight, we were simply burning fuel and simply watching the hobbs meter scroll by, waiting for the magic 4.0 hours needed for that day. I was flying right seat and simply scanning for whatever might stand out. Then, out of nowhere, I noticed a small glint come into view, probably 30-40 miles out and well over 50,000ft in altitude, and it was descending quickly. It had the smoke plume and velocity of a rocket, but there was no arc to it (it was simply going straight down), it was traveling much too fast, and there was definitely no target in the area it was headed for.
It eventually impacted about 20 miles out, creating an enormous dust and debris cloud. We called it in and were told to go investigate it. We flew direct to the point and made a few low-altitude passes. That's when it happened: MY XBOX FROZE!!!
I'm not sure what happens next as I lost my save progress. I'll have to finish the story once I get past chapter one. Man! I love Call of Duty, especially since the stories it tells are more believable than one of a "friend" killing an enemy combatant with a fountain pen.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 10, 2015, 11:54:53 AM
Guy got the silver star for it... skyyr you should just stick to your xbox
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SysError on September 10, 2015, 12:06:21 PM
P.S. In response to a question asked elsewhere on this board:
Wagtails are search dogs (guns, explosives, money, drugs, etc), Groundhogs are tracker dogs (people) and Snappers are guard dogs (anything that doesn't run fast enough).
Interesting read. Are you a Burgess admirer?
My questions:
“The usual Pet Corp cover up ensued and the Tube remained in situ”
“The end result was usually some martyrs to either 'Ra Cause' or 'Quain and Coontry' in the A&E (emergency room) and few broken windows.”
“'Ut's ra same uvry weekend' he glottled when I asked, 'yon coont teechin the boyz hoo tae suck eggs. He'll be oaf in a meenit. Live baiting yon bear thair.' he indicated a particulary impressive killing machine who was balefully sizing up the Tube.
No tallys on the kennel, no kamikaze "am gonna kill ye" antics, just a rather bored looking GSD sitting in the middle of the run watching the world go by and humming to himself.
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Jesus, I'd forgotten just how much swearing there is in that story. Maybe Skuzzy will be kind....
I wouldn’t worry about rule 4. If I were you I would worry about rule 12.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 10, 2015, 12:54:15 PM
“The usual Pet Corp cover up ensued and the Tube remained in situ”
'The Tube' is the affectionate nickname given to the Cpl who is the subject of the story and 'remained in situ' means he wasn't moved on to another posting.
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“The end result was usually some martyrs to either 'Ra Cause' or 'Quain and Coontry' in the A&E (emergency room) and few broken windows.”
The author is taking the mickey out of the Irish accent. Ra Cause = The cause. Quain and Coontry = Queen and country.
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“'Ut's ra same uvry weekend' he glottled when I asked, 'yon coont teechin the boyz hoo tae suck eggs. He'll be oaf in a meenit. Live baiting yon bear thair.' he indicated a particulary impressive killing machine who was balefully sizing up the Tube.
Translation: "It's the same every weekend" he glottled (no idea, must be a scottish slang word for 'he said') when I asked, 'This cword is teaching the boys how to suck eggs. He'll be off in a minute. Live baiting that bear there.' he indicated a particularly impressive killing machine who was balefully (that's a real word and googlable) sizing up the Cpl who is the subject of the story.
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No tallys on the kennel, no kamikaze "am gonna kill ye" antics, just a rather bored looking GSD sitting in the middle of the run watching the world go by and humming to himself.
Er....isn't "No tallys on the kennel" in plain English? GSD is the Army TLA for German Shepherd.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SlipKnt on September 10, 2015, 01:09:33 PM
Here is one I love to share. One of the main reasons I got interested in AH2. I love attack aircraft. Seen an A10 in action and a hot shot Marine Corps F18 pilot.
In Desert Storm, we were in Amtracks (Marine Corps Amphibious Vehicles). We had just breached the second mine field under very heavy fire ad in fact dragged an anti tank mine a few hundred feet without an explosion. Thank God for our Combat Engineers.
After we breached, we came across a series of defensive trenches. Our objective during those critical hours was an anti aircraft position just outside Kuwait Airport.
We "hopped" the trench and piled out into it clearing it. During this timeframe, there were a few "thwaps" with sand impacting on the trench walls. We were receiving sniper fire and became pinned.
Our LT called in air support. Fortunately for us, a Marine F18 was RTB and was in our zone. He came to the rescue. We got him lined up in very heavy overcast (oil clouds about 400 feet ceiling tops). We watched him come in under the smoke and lit up the tower. As he pulled up, he starts popping chaffs and the building the sniper was in blew to hell.
As he pulled up, the AA battery we were heading to was trying to engage him. Suddenly he was right back and lit the AA battery up with his guns.
He made a left bank and pulled back hard. To this day I remember in great detail the wings looking like they were bouncing and buckling and the white streams coming off. He wound upright, pulled straight up kicking chaffs out and the AA battery blew up. He dropped back into the clear and started to come right at us...
Oh hell!!! Seriously though a friendly fire incident was about to occur. As he approached, he turned upside down, saluted us as he sped by, flipped back over and pulled back up into the smoke...
One of the craziest things I have ever seen in a close air support type roll and one I shall never forget.
To this day, if I am in a bar and come across a combat pilot. He drinks for free. I feel like I owe my life to that man.
This is why I LOVE the attack role in AH2.
Semper Fidelis! SlipKnoT SGT USMC (Retired)
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Swoop on September 10, 2015, 01:17:33 PM
Volume 4:
Luck in dog handling, as in all things military, and in all things generally I suppose, plays it's part.
'You make you're own luck.' snear the lucky ones.
'He's a lucky cnut.' shimf the unlucky ones.
But whether it comes from the lap of the Gods, the spin of the dice, the turn of a card or is just dumb luck, come it does and a brass neck to exploit it when it does is damn handy.
We had a handler in Belfast who had the only Submarine Detecting Dog in the world! I kid you not! A wily Greenjacket as I do recall. ( Greenjackets are a Regiment in the British Army).
Now given that all the city dogs and handlers, both there and in Derry, were puffs and handbags of the first order, they did have a cabby op they used to get involved in called, em, Grenada or Granada or some such like.
This involved the Wagtail team being attached to the Matelots (Royal Navy) for a couple of days to go boating in Belfast Lough to assist in searches of ships and other floaty things and was generally regarded as a top skive.
So this Green Jackets out on the water and they're generally having a nice days boating when the ship heaves-to. Almost immediately the dog becomes all adjitated, runs up to the bows and starts barking like a hoo-er at the sea. The Matelots and the handler hadn't the first clue as to why the mutt was going mental. When all of sudden, about 30m off the bow, up pops this sub. Honest this is true! And the dog goes berserk.
Now the Matelots knew they were going to RV with the sub but hadn't told the handler and the handler knew that the reason the dog had gone ballistic is because it heard the sub before it surfaced but he had the brass neck.
'How'd yer dog know the sub was there ?' asked the Matelots.
'What the fcuk d'ye expect ?' came the cool reply, ' it's a weapons detecting dog. Submarines a weapon innit ?'
Aye, on such chances are reputations built.
I'd been 'persuaded' into taking over one of the farthest flung corners of the boggy empire and we were going through a change over. At the time units were on four month tours and they seemed to come and go really quickly. Some were keen to use the dogs others not so. Some would seek us out for the local knowledge we had, some, usually the ones with a keen, young Intelligence Officer (there's an oxymoron for ye !) who'd fcuk off in civvies and 'Winthrope' all over place, seemed to think we didn't exist.
We were a fortnight or so into the tour with some planks and despite constantly heckling the Ops Room we were getting shreck all except some spin off work from the RE's and it was getting boring.
Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate a good skive as much as the next idle fcuker, but in a base the size of a couple of football pitches with the UDR club being the only boozer (bar) in the place, doing nothing started to wear thin.
So, this night I was in the cookhouse proffing (stealing) some of the egg banjo kit* left out for the night sentries. I had a fair cowp on as we'd managed to bribe the Choggi*, Wullie, into giving us more than the two cans per man per day ration. Twas desperate measures, getting ratarrsed (drunk) on Tartan Special (cheap beer), but as we'd been banned from the UDR bar, it was our last recourse.
(* An egg banjo is the term for a fried egg sandwich. Called so cos you're guaranteed to bite into it and have egg yolk explode all down the front of your uniform so you'll be stood there holding a sandwich in one hand and wiping yolk off with the other....and look like you're playing an air banjo. A Choggi is another slang term that can mean anything from 'Dark skinned foreign person' to 'The cookhouse'. Wullie was his name and the author means he bribed the fella who rations out supplies for more than the 2 cans of beer he was allowed.)
Anyhow, in comes this plank (Royal Artillery) section cmdr and starts asking me about what the dog can and can't find weaponswise,
'Ra Shtum ?? Wee bashtard can find shreckin anyshing. Facking awshum shearsh duggle, how ?' (Translation: Some unintelligible Scottish bollocks said when drunk)
It transpired that one of his section had lost a mag on a patrol in the sticks earlier in the day and the BSM had promised not to hang the guilty plank by the nadjers (testicles) if they could recover it.
'Nae fackin bother for ush !' I bragged, 'me an ra boy'll find it fer ye'sh.' I boasted and a date was set for first light. (Translation: No fword bother for us. Me and my boy will find it for you.)
So, next morning at the helipad, with the effects of the slavering juice (cheap beer mentioned earlier) wearing off, I met up with the section and listened while the section cmdr regaled his chaps about how me and the Stump were the answer to their prayers.
'Bollox !' I thought, 'me and my big gob.'
A dog detects a weapon because of the cocktail of smells that come from it, human scent, oil, traces of cordite. A magazine, even full of bullets, is really just a tin box to a dog, especially if it's not been on a weapon that's been fired or if its not been oiled etc. An extremely difficult target for a dog.
'shreckin Tartan. shreckin Wullie, shreckin shreck !' I reflected calmly.
We dropped off and traced the route the section had taken, up hill, down dale, through hedges, to where they'd finished. Fcuk all. Nothing. Zip. There was dark mutterings starting. We headed back to the PUP.
Now at one point on this shrecking odyessy we went though a hole in the hedge. Nothing particular about it and we'd been through it already. There was a puddle of muddy water at the bottom and, don't ask me why, but I stuck my hand into it as I bent to go though the hole and lo and fcuking behold !! One SLR (FN-FAL) magazine c/w twenty rounds!! I glanced around. No-one had noticed. I dropped it back into the puddle.
'Stumpy ! Wassis then ?!' I called him over and indicated the puddle.
'Issa a shrecking puddle innit ?' he looked quizzically.
'No, IN the puddle, IN the puddle ye shreckin eejit!'
'Eh ??' he just was'nt getting it.
'Oh FFS !' I reached into the puddle and lifted the mag just enough for him to see it, 'Warra fcuk is THIS then ?' I hissed.
'Fcuked if I kno.....OYAH CNUT !! ISSA BIT O A GUN, ISSA BIT O A GUN !!!' he barked in eventual shreckin recognition. 'Thank fcuk!'
His racket got the attention of the planks.
'Hey lads !! I think the dogs got someth.......OW MA FINGERS !!!' the Dwarf had decided to play this for what it was worth and snatching the mag from me hand took off at the canter like some posing tw*t, head up, mag in the gob and tail going in a real 'look how clever I am' routine.
Needless to say the planks were delighted and rained plaudits down on the head of the shameless little cnut.
'Yeah,' I muttered sourly as I nursed my fingers. 'True fcuking hero !'
The jobs picked up a bit after that, still not hugely busy, but enough to get out with the boys and start forming some bonds.
A week or so later I was robbing the night shift egg banjos again when the Ops Officer came in.
'Ah dog handler !' he observed, as I stood there with egg yolk and brown sauce dribbling down my front thinking in my stupour 'O fcuk, wonder what the penalty for robbing the night shifts egg banjos is !'
'I hear your dogs just the man to find missing magazines, eh what ?'
'Er, aye sir, we've found one.' I mumbled through banjo.
'Splendid. One of the patrols thats out has lost one. I've arranged for you to nip out and find it for them. OK ?'
'What, right now, sir ?' I banjoed.
'Gawd, thats what I like ! Keen to get right on with it !!' he wrongly concluded, ' no, no, first light will be fine. Good Chap !.'
'Aw, bollox ! ' I thought, as I smeared the egg yolk into my sweatshirt. Thoughtfully. Later that morning we flew out into a typically grey toejamty dawn which matched my mood exactly.
'We're gonna get caught out this time Stump.' I whinged to the mutt,' no way we'll be jammy twice.'
'Dum dee dum dee la la ....I love helicopters !' cared the Stump not a fig. The pilot came on the headset and explained that he was dropping us off in the same spot that he'd dumped the patrol.
'Out the door and head for the edge of the field. They'll be waiting for you.'
The Lynx bumped down and we did as instructed. We ran to the hedegrow and as I knelt down.
'OUCH ! what the fcuks that ?' I looked down, and I'm no toejamting ye here, there was the mag !! 'Stumpy wassis !?'
'It's yer knee'...clack...'OOWW...OH ISSA ANOTHER BIT OF A GUN !!! etc etc.' He didn't get my fingers this time and as the patrol came over too meet us I was able to, rather smugly I have too admit, present them with the mag. Fcuking A. Shortest search in history !! Even the Lynx was still in the area and came back to uplift us. Splendid, job done and back to base for tiffin. We didn't do particularly well findswise for the rest of the tour but our reputations were complete and, fortunately, the planks stopped dropping mags all over the shop. Thank fcuk, I doubt our luck would have held.
Aye, sometimes it IS the good that get the luck.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: SlipKnt on September 10, 2015, 01:21:48 PM
Not to throw salt in the wound...
We were NEVER in Libya on the ground.
A few incidents in the 1980s with the F14 but that is it. And if we ever really were there, chances are it was a SEAL team and they wouldn't discuss something like that even after all these years unless they were selling a book.
I have been in and out of the so called "Line of Death" off Libya's coast in the late 80s and early 90s but we never deployed feet on the ground there.
One thing about most war stories are they do get embellished. I have to be REALLY drunk to discuss some of the horrors I have seen and done and even then, I only talk to my Brothers that have experienced the same things or similar things.
We don't like really talking about the hellish reality of war because most of us have PTS and we really don't like people enough to discuss it. No person can really understand it unless you were there. We get to where we dislike people and we shut everyone we know and love out of our lives. Just wanted to share that to anyone that knows people that have been and won't discuss it. We don't like talking about it because we don't feel like we want to deal with the follow up questions and the crap that comes with it.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zoney on September 10, 2015, 01:22:26 PM
are you done yet? have you warmed up your little finger enough for the day?
I have read stories of Tibetan monks who after years of practice are able to go into a trance like state and actually levitate, float above the ground without their feet touching.
You should try this, then you would be able to but both feet in your mouth at the sane time.
Or you could just shortcut the whole meditation thing and just sit down.
:devil
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: ebfd11 on September 10, 2015, 02:07:58 PM
zoney what the hell are you smoking and can you sell me some.. and ebfd11 that was hilarious
See the irony in that?? you thought it was funny knowing it was improbable and impossible.
LawnDart
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: ebfd11 on September 10, 2015, 02:13:50 PM
I can easily get that checked out, pm his name and who he was detached to.
LawnDart
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zoney on September 10, 2015, 02:13:54 PM
The saying is "You really stuck your foot in your mouth on that one" meaning that what you have said is so ridiculous that no one will believe it, or you've said something insulting to someone without realizing it would be insulting. I think I learned it at about 12 years old so don't worry, you've still got a few years to go before you would be expected to.
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: craz07 on September 10, 2015, 02:15:00 PM
ok yeah zoney don't hurt yourself now...
Title: Re: Craziest war story you've heard...
Post by: Zoney on September 10, 2015, 02:15:36 PM