Author Topic: Liberals, Conservatives and Southerners (Read 1572 times)

_Schadenfreude_ · « **on:** January 01, 2004, 07:09:06 AM »

Liberals, Conservatives and Southerners

How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and
Southerners?

Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the
knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere
seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him
that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away?
What does my wife think? What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to
wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and
weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage
such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few
days and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative Answer:

BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click...
(sounds of reloading).
Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving. What do you kids
think?"
Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it, too."
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"

GRUNHERZ · « **Reply #1 on:** January 01, 2004, 07:35:23 AM »

Only 9 BANGs before realoading?

A .40 Glock can hold 16 rounds, sounds like leftist trickery to me....

lord dolf vader · « **Reply #2 on:** January 01, 2004, 09:51:38 AM »

probly those dang 10 rd magazines. and him savin one for the wife if the heathens ( god forbid ) win the day.

Mini D · « **Reply #3 on:** January 01, 2004, 10:02:05 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by GRUNHERZ
Only 9 BANGs before realoading?

A .40 Glock can hold 16 rounds, sounds like leftist trickery to me....

Not post-'94.. 10's the limit. And the concervative was wrong... there would have been more than one shot fired... most likely 3. In a nice neat group.

MiniD

AKIron · « **Reply #4 on:** January 01, 2004, 11:11:16 AM »

I think he got it all wrong, the liberal's the one with the knife.

Gunslinger · « **Reply #5 on:** January 01, 2004, 11:45:29 AM »

ROLF

VERY FUNNY

Airhead · « **Reply #6 on:** January 01, 2004, 11:57:05 AM »

Liberals don't carry guns. We don't believe in em, and if there weren't any guns there wouldn't be any street crime.

capt. apathy · « **Reply #7 on:** January 01, 2004, 01:05:23 PM »

actually a lot of librals carry guns too. however they have no faith in the legal system(as most don't have enough cash to buy a fair trial), so you never hear when a libral shoots someone. they just take the guys wallet so it looks like a robbery, roll them up in a crapet, drop them in a dumpster, go smoke a bowl, and never talk about it again .

GRUNHERZ · « **Reply #8 on:** January 01, 2004, 06:41:45 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Mini D
Not post-'94.. 10's the limit. And the concervative was wrong... there would have been more than one shot fired... most likely 3. In a nice neat group.

MiniD

I know. But would a southener really just use the aneimic 10 round magazine when there are so many nice 15 round ones floating around... Sheesh minid..

vorticon · « **Reply #9 on:** January 01, 2004, 06:57:50 PM »

odd...im pinned as a "liberal" and id shoot the ****...but not to kill...

and why would a southerner only be carrying a .40 (oh right the despised gun controls...without em he'd be carrying a m16)

NUKE · « **Reply #10 on:** January 01, 2004, 08:00:50 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by vorticon
odd...im pinned as a "liberal" and id shoot the ****...but not to kill...

and why would a southerner only be carrying a .40 (oh right the despised gun controls...without em he'd be carrying a m16)

lol, not to kill, lol!

Why not shoot to kill? Maybe you could aim for his big toe. The guy may be a nice guy that just wants to show you his new knife.

Sandman · « **Reply #11 on:** January 01, 2004, 08:19:02 PM »

Hell... I AM a liberal and I think some gun control is a good thing.

Still... if you've got a handgun at home and you have an intruder, I think it best to unload the gun into them.

Wound... LOL... the hand gun is a killing tool, not a wounding tool.

capt. apathy · « **Reply #12 on:** January 01, 2004, 08:25:07 PM »

Quote

odd...im pinned as a "liberal" and id shoot the ****...but not to kill...

if you're not prepared to kill you shouldn't even own a gun for protection.

lord dolf vader · « **Reply #13 on:** January 01, 2004, 09:45:40 PM »

im a liberal and believe uncontroled firearms are central to our freedom. sad fact is if they regulate them they will eventualy prohibit them. and that just wont go.

i carry one as little as possible and dont like killin people. but i like killin dogs less. go figgure.

Saurdaukar · « **Reply #14 on:** January 01, 2004, 11:34:50 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Airhead
Liberals don't carry guns. We don't believe in em, and if there weren't any guns there wouldn't be any street crime.

Absolutely right. Just when I lost total faith in a Liberal's reasoning ability Airhead saves the day (no pun).

Crime would come to a stretching halt if we told criminals that they'd be... worse criminals if they had illegal firearms... which they already have.

That'll show em.

Vote Democrat in 2004! One step forward, two steps back!