The rules

[medicboy]

Atlast a guy has taken the time to write this all
down ! We always hear "the rules" from the female
side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These
are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered
"1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving
it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no, we are never going
to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear onthis
one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument. In fact, all comments become null and
void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done not both. If you already know
best how to doit, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like it's nothing. We know you are lying, but
it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine.. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have toomany shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men
really don't mind that, it's like camping

[Sandman]

On that note...

WHY DOGS
ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
 
Dogs Don't cry.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo or hairbrush.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you're running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
Anyone can get a good looking dog.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
Dogs like beer.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
Dogs don't have to spend holidays and vacations with their parents.
Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs don't need 900 pairs of shoes.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs never worry about germs.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've had.
Dogs don't let magazine articles run their lives.
You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs have no use for flowers, jewelry or cards.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
Dogs seldom outlive you.
Dogs can't talk back.
When you're traveling, dogs don't need restrooms.
Dogs don't criticize.
Dogs listen without interrupting.
Dogs don't mind if the house isn't painted, the lawn mowed, or car washed.