Author Topic: Arrrgh!  (Read 398 times)

Offline Saurdaukar

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Arrrgh!
« on: March 08, 2004, 09:21:49 AM »
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

Offline Dowding

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Arrrgh!
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2004, 09:31:30 AM »
A man is on holiday in Greece and is walking around the local harbour, when he spots a fisherman with a head roughly the size of a tennis ball.

"Wow, what happened to your head?" he asks the man.

"Well, it's an interesting story. Many years ago I was fishing in these here seas when I caught a beautiful mermaid in my nets. She said she'd grant me three wishes if I'd let her go. I agreed, and asked for new fishing boat."

The tourist was amazed. "What happened?"

"Well she gave me this brand new trawler. My second wish was even more ambitious - I asked to be made rich beyond my wildest dreams." Replied the fishy fellow, "And my hold was filled with gold ingots!"

"Incredible! What was your final wish?"

"Ha! I got a bit cheeky. I asked the mermaid for a shag."

"You didn't! What was her reply?"

"She said she couldn't, because she was only half a woman... so I asked her for a little head."

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Offline Octavius

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Arrrgh!
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2004, 09:34:03 AM »
So me and my buddy walk into this bar for a few drinks.  We notice this pirate sitting in the corner.  This is a full blown pirate.  He's got the eye patch, a hook, a parrot, a huge hat... and a steering wheel attached to his junk.  

My buddy walks over and asks the pirate, "Hey pirate, what's with the wheel on your junk?  Doesn't that hurt?"

The pirate responds, "HARRRR, drives me nuts!"
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Offline Coolridr

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Arrrgh!
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2004, 10:55:05 AM »
Two guys walk into a bar..you would think the second one would have ducked.;)

Offline SunKing

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Arrrgh!
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2004, 11:46:22 AM »
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him
50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Offline Mickey1992

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Arrrgh!
« Reply #5 on: March 08, 2004, 04:01:11 PM »
A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay ten dollars and, if you pass three tests,  you get all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

"Pay first," says the bartender. "Those are the rules.”

So the man give him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do. First you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila... the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.  Third, there's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idiot!  I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things .."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is.”

"As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon, all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.

They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then.... silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large, bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

Offline LAWCobra

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Arrrgh!
« Reply #6 on: March 08, 2004, 04:14:01 PM »
Whats the difference between Richard Simmons and  a refridgerator?

The refridgerator dont FART when you take the meat out.
:aok

Offline SunKing

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Arrrgh!
« Reply #7 on: March 08, 2004, 04:54:19 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Mickey1992
A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay ten dollars and, if you pass three tests,  you get all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

"Pay first," says the bartender. "Those are the rules.”

So the man give him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do. First you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila... the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.  Third, there's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idiot!  I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things .."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is.”

"As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon, all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.

They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then.... silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large, bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"




Odd just heard this joke at a poker game Saturday night.

Offline Leslie

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Arrrgh!
« Reply #8 on: March 08, 2004, 08:03:42 PM »
Two blondes are sitting together on the bus, when one takes out her compact mirror and begins touching up her lipstick.  She says, "That's funny, the face in this mirror looks familiar but I can't quite place it."

The other one says, "Let me see that mirror."

"Why that's me you dummy!"

Offline WilldCrd

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Arrrgh!
« Reply #9 on: March 08, 2004, 08:47:40 PM »
Jack and jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter.....Jill came down with $2.50
Crap now I gotta redo my cool sig.....crap!!! I cant remeber how to do it all !!!!!