Got this off misc.fitness.weights and lmao. Thought I would share.
The Miracle Toddler Diet
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you dont get enough to eat [the starvation
> diet], you dont get enough variation [the liquid diet] or you go broke [the all-meat diet]. Consequently, people tend to cheat
of their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now theres the new Toddler Miracle Diet.
Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing one afterwards. Good Luck!!!
DAY ONE Breakfast
One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch
Four crayons [any color], a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk 3 sips only, then spill the rest.
Dinner
A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.
Bedtime Snack
Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO
Breakfast
Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half a bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye [any Color]
Lunch
Half tube of Pulsating Pink lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow [any flavor]. One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon Snack
Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.
Dinner
A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Poor Grape Kool-Aid all over mashed potatoes eat with spoon.
DAY THREE
Breakfast
Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk drink half, stick other pancake in glass.
After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.
Lunch
Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Poor glass on table and slurp up.
Dinner
Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose if possible.
FINAL DAY
Breakfast
A quarter tube of toothpaste [any flavor], bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, and half a cup of
sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch
Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and living room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner
A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate.
Tube of mascara for desert.
