"ABBA Ends Iranian Nuclear Crisis
Written by La Pluma
Disco era super group still striving for world peace
Tehran, Iran – To the dismay and elation of international negotiators and politicians worldwide, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced yesterday, his intensions to nix his country’s nuclear pursuits. By the President’s own admission, the cause for the astounding reversal of foreign policy was his 5-hour closed-door summit with 70’s Swedish super-group, ABBA.
The event, coordinated by officials inside the Swedish government, was initially planned as a simple social engagement between the two countries, as Swedes were hoping to achieve better relations with the volatile Middle Eastern nation. However, not even the Swedes could have foreseen the positive and dramatic effects that ABBA would have on President Ahmadinejad and the Iranian people.
Reportedly disarming Iranian officials from the moment they arrived in Iran’s capitol city airport, the Flaxen Four shocked the Tehranese with an overwhelming display of pageantry that rivaled any from their vivid past. Dressed in their trademark matching jumpsuits and high-heeled silver boots, the handsome quartet had arrived mid-day to attend a private get-together with the isolatory Islamic leader. Vibrantly colored and accompanied by an entourage of heavily loaded hair-stylists and seamstresses, the glittering Scandinavian group wowed star-gazing *****es as they passed through the terminals.
Making their way from the airport to Ahmadinejad’s palatial estate in a mirrored glass, black limousine, Benny Andersson, Bjorn Ulvaeus, “Frida” Lyngstad and Agnetha Fältskog apparently founded quick friendships with all the Middle Eastern people they encountered that day. Even usually staunch Iranian officials were endeared to the fair-skinned, 70’s heart-throbs after the musical clan handed-over a commemorative disco-ball, as an international diplomatic gift. “A little something to perk up the mosque on Bingo nights,” jested Bjorn at the informal presentation.
As the ABBA-filled limo entered the well-guarded front gates on the President’s manor, an eager and interested crowd gathered outside the government grounds, in hopes of catching another glimpse of the hypnotic harmonizers. Despite the people’s best attempts to guess what might be taking place inside, only the faint hum of disco classics could be distinguished through the dust-filled afternoon air.
In the last hours of remaining daylight, the one-time Teen Beat deities, and a decidedly cheerful Mahmoud, emerged from behind the large white stone walls of the heavily fortified palace. Pausing in front of the main gate briefly before their departure back to Sweden, the silky-haired singer/songwriters stopped to answer questions from the anxious press, as the Iranian Supreme leader stood by their side.
Cloaked in a heavily sequined gold and green cape and matching knee-high gold boots, President Ahmadinejad excitedly fielded the first queries. “ABBA has really opened my eyes,” said the Allah following chief when questioned about his obviously upbeat behavior. “Knowing Me, Knowing You,..it made me cry like a little girl,” the spiritual leader erupted emotionally.
Moving closer to the President, Frida interjected, “He never knew he had all those feelings pent up inside him,” she sympathetically told the on-lookers, as she tenderly hugged the national leader and wiped a random tear from his dark cheek. “I finally believe that Iran is ready to take a chance on me,” the poignant President announced defiantly, regaining his composure and wiping his nose of with his sleeve.
Promising to change his ways, and to start following the “wise and peaceful” ways of ABBA, President Ahmadinejad swore off all acts of violence, nuclear ambitions and swore to make “Dancing Queen” the new Iranian National Anthem. As hugs and handshakes were shared and the sun began to set, ABBA promised the masses of smiling people that they would return in the fall for the grand opening of Iran’s first national roller-skating arena. Waving and blowing kisses to the cheering Iranian crowd, the foursome climbed back into the limo and headed home to Sweden."
