Author Topic: They walk among us  (Read 379 times)

Offline Meatwad

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They walk among us
« on: October 15, 2006, 03:44:53 PM »
THEY WALK AMONG US
Some guy bought a new refrigerator for his house. To get rid of his old
Fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
"Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat
There
Without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that
People were too un-trusting of this deal.
It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Refrigerator
For sale $50." The next day
Someone stole it.

They Walk Among Us! ===================
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted,
"Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where???"

They Walk among Us! ================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
Direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking
Him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my
Brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she
Shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

They Walk among Us! ================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a
Call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I
Told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He
Responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call
Quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific"

They Walk among Us! ================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard
One of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on
Her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but
"didn't
Think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving".

They Walk among Us! ================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a
Seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk among Us! ================
My friends and I were on a soda run and noticed that the cases were
Discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier
Multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk among Us! ================

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
Attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip
Out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and
Ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

They Walk among Us! ================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the
Lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional
And I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?

They Walk among Us! ================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
Go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
Into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
See Rule 19- Do not place sausage on pizza.
I am No-Sausage-On-Pizza-Wad.
Das Funkillah - I kill hangers, therefore I am a funkiller. Coming to a vulchfest near you.
You cant tie a loop around 400000 lbs of locomotive using a 2 foot rope - Drediock on fat women

Offline john9001

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They walk among us
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2006, 03:51:38 PM »
old, but still very funny, :lol

Offline nirvana

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They walk among us
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2006, 03:53:22 PM »
:lol Thanks for the laugh
Who are you to wave your finger?

Offline Maverick

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They walk among us
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2006, 04:14:35 PM »
:lol :rolleyes:
DEFINITION OF A VETERAN
A Veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a check made payable to "The United States of America", for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Offline Halo

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They walk among us
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2006, 04:52:13 PM »
They Walk Among Us! =============

A guy complained his razorblade scraper was useless.  He scraped and scraped but couldn't even begin to peel the inspection decal off his car's windshield.  In frustration he banged the scraper against the sidewalk. The blade moved sideways.  He eased the blade out of the aluminum holder and reversed it so the sharp edge faced outward.  It worked much better.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2006, 04:56:33 PM by Halo »
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. (Seneca, 1st century AD, et al)
Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty. (Anne Herbert, 1982, Sausalito, CA)
Paramedic to Perkaholics Anonymous

Offline Billy Joe Bob

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They walk among us
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2006, 07:12:01 PM »
wow people are retarded

Offline DiabloTX

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They walk among us
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2006, 07:54:12 PM »
"There ain't no revolution, only evolution, but every time I'm in Denmark I eat a danish for peace." - Diablo

Offline Seraphim

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They walk among us
« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2006, 10:34:19 PM »
Love it.
If it weren't for stupid people, how would we know who's smart? :D

Offline DREDIOCK

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They walk among us
« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2006, 07:43:04 AM »
Several years ago I worked as supervisor in the engineering dept which basically comprised a small constuction outfit  for a hospital.

At least three times per week I would get a call about people getting paint on their clothing. Which more often then not wouldnt come off.

One day while walking through the hallway I noticed a doctor standing at a waterfountain trying ot oclean his jacket. Seeing me he said. "you guys should have wet paint signs up"
Looking around I saw no less then 10 wet paint signs in the area.

About a week later another doctor came down complaining abut paint on his jacket. again saying he saw no "wet paint" signs.
Looking at his jacket it was clear he had leaned his back against  the wall as the entire back of his jacket was covered in paint except for one sqare area...abotu the size of a "Wet Paint" sign.

Soo I made a change.

the following week all our wet paint signs I had replaced with new signs saying
   "FREE!
      Wet Paint
On Walls & Doorframes"

The calls and complaints about paint on clothing and the lack of seeing any signs stopped immediately.

Now everyone wanted to know how they could get their "free wet paint"

I would respond in the only way I could.
"All the paint on the wall you get on your clothing you can take home absolutely free of charge.
If at any point you are unhappy with the amount of paint you get on your clothing. Let myself or one of the painters know and we will be more then happy to apply more."

Damn Shame the execs didnt like it when I told them that LMAO

Point is. Nobody Noticed the wet paint signs till it said "FREE" on them

the more I deal with the general public. the more I am convinced the general public is little more then a collective group of morons
Death is no easy answer
For those who wish to know
Ask those who have been before you
What fate the future holds
It ain't pretty

Offline Halo

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They walk among us
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2006, 09:21:39 AM »
Classic, Drediock!  :rofl
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. (Seneca, 1st century AD, et al)
Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty. (Anne Herbert, 1982, Sausalito, CA)
Paramedic to Perkaholics Anonymous