Here in Australia if you don't have a tinnie in your hand, dressed in a blue singlet, stubbies (shorts) that are at least one size too small and wearing thongs for at least 8 hours a day you are obviously gay.
Heheheheh true, although that doesn't apply to the beach. I suppose they don't want people leaving pull tops & bottles lying around, or mixing alcohol with testosterone and "bringing back the biff", or indeed impairing their powers of judgement then plunging into the surf and trying to drown their stupid selves, at which point the lifesavers have to put themselves at risk to go fish them out...
Anyway, true story, fellow I worked with in Germany, we'll call him Helmut Hansundfranz, spent a year on exchange in a U.S. university. Helmut and his fellow teutons arrived in late August, and it being a sunny Sunday afternoon, gathered on the balcony of the house they were renting to do the natural thing, have a beer. Well, of course, being on the balcony, Helmut and his friends are visible from the roadway.
Police cruiser rolls up. Now, the city fathers had, being the guardians of local morality, seen fit to implement a "zero tolerance" policy. Even if the cop had wanted just to give Helmut and his mates a friendly warning, he couldn't - he had no choice in the matter.
So, Helmut Hansundfranz and his friends are arrested and taken down to the station for processing.
Now, this being a university town, the city fathers and the uni admin have a policy of close cooperation on matters of substance abuse, it being a zero-tolerance environment and all. So, the incident is reported to the uni, and Helmut Hansundfranz is obliged to go along to for, shall we say, counselling.
Clearly, Helmut still really doesn't see the harm in having a beer, but is obliged to play along. Part of the counselling process is a series of health tests to determine the extent of the issue. No test, no tick from the counsellors. No tick from the counsellors, no continued presence on the student rolls. No presence on student rolls, no graduate back home. ("Mr. Blutarski ... all courses incomplete.") So, off he goes for his tests.
As it happens, Helmut had some kind of infection when he were but a lad, which caused him some harm and continues to affect his liver function. So, naturally, his tests come back, showing elevated indicators re: his liver.
"Mr. Hansundfranz, you have an alcohol problem."
"No, no I don't."
"Mr. Hansundfranz, acceptance is the first step to recovery."
"Look, I don't haff a problem viz alcohol."
"Mr. Hansundfranz, your tests show that you do."
"No I don't. I vill get you my medical records from Ger-many to prove it."
"Mr. Hansundfranz, this is the United States of America. We have the greatest health system in the world. We are not interested in your records from Germany."
"I'm not an alcoholic."
"Mr. Hansundfranz, why won't you admit your problem?"
And so on round and round in a Kafka-esque tragi-comedy in which the only way to end the issue was to admit to an illness he didn't have.
Managed to graduate though.