I have two daughters, 16 and 6. My 16-year old is a good girl, has never been in trouble. She is getting A's and B's in college prep classes. She loves UFC fighting and likes the whole 'tough girl' image.
Last night I learned that she has been smoking weed. I am completely shocked. My wife and I rarely drink alcohol, do not smoke and have never done any type of drugs. This is simply foreign to us.
We kept her home from school today, took her phone and backpack (in case she has something in there.) We agreed we are not going to fly into a rage, she is not getting shipped off to some military school or intervention. Other then trying to be rational in our response, I'm really at a loss as to what to do. My first thought is to get her into some karate, etc classes to help self-esteem, focus her energy into something sort of UFC.
I know, I shouldn't be asking here but asking family will be potentially prejudiced with other factors. And, no one in our extended family has had their child head this direction. I will ask some family members, etc though I am guessing this group could offer a few thoughts.
OK, anything?
Boo
PS Please, if you don't have anything useful to add just skip responding.
Pretty much good call. The discipline seems fair... except maybe the staying at home thing, I would of gotten high in High School every day if it got me out of it.
She is 16, not 18, living in your house, etc., etc..
As for the "substance" itself... well, I'd be lyeing to you if I said the "gateway drug" arguement held no weight, so definetley respond apropriatley as opposed to sweeping under the rug as it could turn into something worse. You have no experience with pot, but do enjoy an occasional drink, so go with what you know as the bar for comparison and responcible recreation (or... I mean... you could start off with lyeing to her about never drinking with friends for "recreation" on the weekends during your young twenties, or that you wouldn't of if you could of...
). As far as facts and opinions on the "substance" (I personaly hate making it sound worse than liquor), I can give you mine on it all day, but best to get your own from reputable and sounds information resources available to you.
I humbley feel it isn't as intoxicating or inebriating as alchohol, and while (like alchohol) one person may be affected by it more than another, it is safer than liquor - BUT... neither of which should a 16-yo be getting "familiar" with.
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IMHO: At 16.... if I may be honest, give yourselves (mom and dad) a pat on the back if she made it this long before being introduced to it by her peers and friends. I was smoking pot (and drinking) with friends about two years before cigarettes, and I got busted with a citation for possesion of tabacoo to "let the cat out of the bag" with my parents
before I was 16. But that was me here in LA and in the 90s... which if lets just say it's similar to wherever you live now... be proactive and supportive with her making good decisions, but obviously not enabling. If she's going to recreate, she's going to recreate, and then likely, like most of us, grow older and out of it in time (unless, maybe, do you still call your frat buddies for a kegger every weekend?
).
What I would concentrate on with her moving forward, besides the predictable sit-down that should happen about us being only mortal but needing to accept responcibility for ourselves and our desires, is who she hangs around with in her free time and as such what she is doing. Activities is one thing... but to be honest, in this day and age, soicial environment (and depending on the state you live in and their own laws/views on marijuana) you could force her into boot camp, AP honors, karate, future women presidents of tomorrow club, and varsity swim team... AND STILL she WILL end up recreating smoking pot with her fellow boot/AP/karate/swim peers because it will be everywhere. The difference is really in her choices in friends and how you nuture those.
IE: I tended to get in trouble with my parents, administrators, and the law when I hungout with my "bad" drinking/smoking friends who also had a bad tendancy to like ditching, sneaking out past curfew. Now, my "good" friends you, as parents, wouldn't notice the difference between unless you really step outside "the box" because we also liked doing those same things too (surprise!)... when over at their house smoking a joint, we'd also be doing homework instead of smoking the joint and then just playing video games or watching TV... and honestly, we'd blaze first with enough time to air out before the parents came home, and yes my grades were better hanging with my "good" friends, but clearly probabley could of been better. Parents would leave one of us the house for the weekend: My "good" friends would have a small only-close-friends BBQ where we'd have a good time drinking and smoking in the backyard, sometimes even until sunrise, without so much as making the neighbor's dog bark. My "bad" friends... well, movies, national media, and some of your college frat parties would cover the evening's goings. (I have a tale to tell you Mr. Parent-of-a-16-yo-daughter of when I was growing up about a party one evening in an upscale-neighborhood *cough* Calabassas *cough* thrown by a 16-yo girl whos parents were out of the country but who gave her permission (an in written notice to the neighbors) to throw a huge BDay party... I think ~ half the entire san fernando valley and the great metropolitin LA basin teenage population were in attendance because she wanted it to "blow up"... and it did, turned into a rioting and looting of the house, of particular epicly-legendary mention was her parent's prized personal wine cellar, 7-8 digit uninsured digits... a bad decision, maybe?)
She'll be just fine so long as her parents keep up the great work!... oh, and let us know when she's finally 18.
