So, after I posted in the Bruce Genner thread, I got a PM from a member here asking about my personal experience with trans girls. I responded honestly, and kept it to that. But my facebook feed today was graced with yet another trans girl murdered. I've never hidden my experiences (All of my friends know, my family, and anyone who really feels the need to ask) but I haven't felt the need to blast it on the internet until now.
But I wanted to share a bit of my experience and perspective, because while it may be absolutely nothing, it may also make some random person a bit more understanding, and who knows what that could do down the line. So, my copy-pasted response to the original PM is this:
"Actually, the magic number is two. I was a little shy to talk about it at first, but then I realized I'm a scotch-drinking, gun carrying, motorcycle riding Navy pilot, and I've yet to meet a man who deserved to question my masculinity lol. The first I met on Cruise in San Diego when I was 19. We met out at a Hookah lounge, started talking, exchanged numbers, and the next day she invited me to her place. Without knowing I went over, things turned into "things" lol, and I found out the hard way lol. By that point, I felt like I was committed, but she was still hot, so I kinda psyched myself up to the point I could go through with it. Turned out I had fun, we kept texting, and kinda talked long-distance for the next year while I was back in Texas. She flew out a few times to see me, but I learned she snored like CRAZY! lol, so I was about to break it off anyway, when one of my late nights alone with the internet led me to an odd corner... in which I found her. Working as a prostitute. So that kinda put the nail in the coffin, and I ended it there. Went back to dating genetic females, nothing exciting. And then Junior year, I met another attractive girl while I was at work, exchanged numbers, again, she invited me to her place, but this time she told me ahead of time. Well, she was cute, and I really enjoyed talking to her, I figured hell, I've done it before, I can do it again, right? Well, we continued to see each other for several weeks, and then months, and then the REAL question came up: It's one thing to sleep with a transexual. Actually dating one is another story. (DADT hadn't yet been repealed I don't think either, and I was already Navy). But, the honest fact is, I fell head-over-heels for the girl, I was in love, and I said "diddly it, I'm in!" We dated for the next three years, she moved out here to pensacola with me. That move was a real rough patch for us though, and, long-story short, we broke up, but she's the love of my life and I'm still trying to win her back lol.
I don't have any pictures of the second girl, (The breakup was nasty, and everything got deleted. I REALLY regret that, lol.)
The first one though, who turned out to be a prostitute? This is her website: [REDACTED]
You can find her on facebook as [REDACTED], I think. If you dig far enough back in her timeline, around 2011/12 you'll find the pictures of us together in Texas.
Trans girls stick together, so I met quite a few who were there friends in this time period, and it's important to realize there are different levels. A cross-dresser or a drag queen are NOT transexuals, and it's a key difference. These two were truly transexuals, who lived 100% of the time as female, looked, sounded, acted and identified only as female, which made it much easier to see them as just any other woman with an odd birth-defect lol."
So, a little bit of a deeper perspective. Again, dating that girl for three years, living with her for two of them, and going through things both with her family and mine were a very eye-opening experience. The first thing to realize is, these women are just that: women. While genetically, that may not be the case, they see themselves as absolutely female. They act the part, look the part, and it runs to the core. The hardest struggle with my ex was the fact that even after having started her transition 6 years before I met her, her family still called her by her birth name and male pronouns. It tore her heart up every single time. Beyond that, there are subtle differences between men and women, they way they act socially, the way they think... Imagine trying to tell if someone was male or female, based on nothing but a conversation, without pronouns, without pictures, names, etc. The honest fact is, you'd probably figure it out at least 90% of the time, because of the nuances of the female psyche. And a transgendered girl will fool you every single time, because they posses all of those same feminine features right down to the wiring of their brain and how it works.
Additionally, while the concept of a "trap" is popular on the internet, that first girl was the only one I've ever met, out of dozens (Various friends and acquaintances of my ex) who was ever not 100% clear about things from the get-go. If a girl is trans, she's probably going to tell you, and not just out of etiquette and honesty, but because her life may depend on it.
I had this conversation with my own family when I told them about the girl I was dating, and even they didn't get it. To this day, my dad still makes gay jokes. Fortunately, they're accepting, and my mom has definitely come around, but this isn't some sick game to anyone involved. This is a human life, truly struggling just to continue existing.
I don't really know where I was going with this beyond just trying to share a little bit of perspective. It kills me to see the kind of hate and intolerance that is out there, but even worse is watching the death tole rise as nice girls are killed just for trying to be themselves.
I am a straight man, and the love of my life is transgendered.
