"... and in the strange but true section of our news tonight, a southern Illinois resident was recently rushed to emergency with a vacuum shoved up his butt. Details are sketchy but locals tell us it was a domestic incident regarding a newly purchased Dyson vacuum that showed up which shortly resulted in loud screaming from the residence. The victim, which locals told us he goes by the nickname "Meadwad", purchased the vacuum so his wife wouldn't be bored. More at 11."
