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Author Topic: Farting in public  (Read 882 times)

Offline mrblack

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Farting in public
« on: October 30, 2003, 06:22:57 PM »
1. have you ever?
2. did you blame it on someone elase?
3. did people look at you funny?
4. did the odor have a sent of vegetable?
5. did you blame it on your dog or cat see#2
6. did you refuse to roll down the car windows?
7. did you do it by accident when you sneezed?
8. did you ask a small child to pull your finger?
9. did you ever fart at home depote just so you could have the
isle to yourself?

If you answerd yes to any of these questions then you are a sick puppy!! and welcome to my world.
Now PULL MY FINGER
:aok
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Offline ra

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Farting in public
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2003, 07:12:05 PM »
Once again: pull my finger
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Offline vorticon

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Farting in public
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2003, 07:57:56 PM »
1. yes
2. yes
3. not any different than what they normally do
4. how should i know i quickly evacuated the area
5. no...i blamed it on my chair
6. no
7. no
8. i avoid small children like the plague
9. no
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Offline Curval

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Re: Farting in public
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2003, 08:44:51 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by mrblack
1. have you ever?
2. did you blame it on someone elase?
3. did people look at you funny?
4. did the odor have a sent of vegetable?
5. did you blame it on your dog or cat see#2
6. did you refuse to roll down the car windows?
7. did you do it by accident when you sneezed?
8. did you ask a small child to pull your finger?
9. did you ever fart at home depote just so you could have the
isle to yourself?

If you answerd yes to any of these questions then you are a sick puppy!! and welcome to my world.
Now PULL MY FINGER
:aok


1.  Yes - anyone who says otherwise is lying.
2.  Yes - blamed many a fart on dogs too.
3.  Yes - sometimes.
4.  Don't think so..more like poo.
5.  Yes - see 2.
6.  Yes - and given a few "dutch ovens" to many a girlfriend.
7.  Yes - and once when poked in the side...badly...and no-one else was there to blame unfortunately.
8.  Yes.
9.  No Home Depot here....if that was the question.
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Some will fall in love with life and drink it from a fountain that is pouring like an avalanche coming down the mountain

Offline Vulcan

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Farting in public
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2003, 08:54:41 PM »
Dolphin steaks always give me gas.
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Offline Gunslinger

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Farting in public
« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2003, 09:42:45 PM »
I got threatend with divorce when I rasied the sheets over my wifes head and farted in bed.....i think its called a "dutch oven"
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Offline Dinger

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Farting in public
« Reply #6 on: October 31, 2003, 12:01:33 AM »
My favorite is farting in economy-class seats on aircraft.  The jets mask the release, and the recirc system means all your neighbors are hit with an ephemeral odor they just can't locate.
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Offline mrblack

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Farting in public
« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2003, 02:17:27 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by Dinger
My favorite is farting in economy-class seats on aircraft.  The jets mask the release, and the recirc system means all your neighbors are hit with an ephemeral odor they just can't locate.


My favorite place is church LOL people can't get away:rofl
And i think thats why they named those seats Pews:aok
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Offline mrblack

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Farting in public
« Reply #8 on: October 31, 2003, 02:23:00 AM »
bump
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Offline Leslie

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Farting in public
« Reply #9 on: October 31, 2003, 02:23:20 AM »
That is profound Ra!!!  I didn't wait around long to see if the website did anything else.  But that wouldn't be a bad screensaver.

About farting in public...no, I don't do it no purpose.  Also depends on where I am.  If I'm in a pool hall, and some idiot is sitting behind me crowding my shot.  I say let 'er rip, and the longer and louder it is, the bettter.

That was my crowning achievement of farting reknown.  One long, loud rip that lasted a good 30 seconds.  My explanation?  (Felt I had to explain.)  I was fishing all day.  (What with the churning action of the waves and all, it built up an all time masterpiece.  So much so, that all present stared in awe and no one commented.)

It was the sound, not the smell that was awesome.   Probably wouldn't be able to do that again in a million years.

:)




Les
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Offline mrblack

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Farting in public
« Reply #10 on: October 31, 2003, 02:27:26 AM »
That will clear a room BUTT fast:rofl




http://www.freebirdshome.com
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Offline Ripsnort

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Farting in public
« Reply #11 on: October 31, 2003, 09:30:28 AM »
Elevators are my territory. I love leaving Vapor Mines in them, then exiting. They hold air well. muhahahahaha!
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Offline DmdNexus

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Re: Farting in public
« Reply #12 on: October 31, 2003, 10:10:10 AM »
1. have you ever?
Nothing that can be proven

2. did you blame it on someone elase?
If there is no noise yes...
If there is a dog in the area... a dog is an easy scapegoat.
When there's a noise... check the floor, the chair.. a shoe... and then point at it and shrug.

3. did people look at you funny?
First there's the expression of "what's that funny smell".
A few sniffs of investigation...
Then the shock of realization
Then the disgust of realizing they sniffed it...
Then the look for who to blame...
Pretend to have discovered the obnoxious odor your self and point to someone who's still unawre.. they must be the guilty one.

4. Did the odor have a scent of vegetable?
No... beef burrito and chili.

5. did you blame it on your dog or cat see#2
Absolutely... animals are the first to blame because they are unable to deny it... therefor they are guilty.

6. did you refuse to roll down the car windows?
A true aficionado would lock the doors and windows and turned off the AC just prior to the explosion.

7. did you do it by accident when you sneezed?
Additionally, I turn my back and aime at the nearest person.
I've even made a cross hair scope which I place between my legs as I bend over... it's rather accurate... but then farts don't really need to be aimed... it's the shock and awe impact when people realize that I've just aimed and fired a fart at them when I sneezed... usually they are speechless... mouth agape... and then they walk away... ashamed to even mention to anyone they were a victim of a fart-attack.

8. did you ask a small child to pull your finger?
Yes.. but children these days are way too smart for these old man tricks. Tieing them up and then sitting on their faces works... But the best is to lock them in a closet... make a hole in the door you can fart through... add a sliding cover to increase the effect.

9. did you ever fart at home depot just so you could have the
isle to yourself?
This tactic is much more useful at the grocery store when the check out lines are long... opens up a backed up express line almost immediately.

Department stores are especially suitable for the "lingering toxic cloud" (LTC) ambush... Deposit a toxic cloud next to an end isle display that shoppers are mostly likely to stop and browse at... and then pretend to be browsing nearby outside yet in full view of the "hazard" zone.  On a good day, LTC can usually  catch a dozen shoppers before finally dissipating. I suggest patronizing Lyod and Tailors, Neiman Marcus, Sacs 5th Avenue... these are usually visited by rich stuffy people.. who are the most offended by noxous smells... Wall-mart shoppers will just smile and continue browsing.

Be sure to bring your cam recorder and share your successes with your friends.
« Last Edit: October 31, 2003, 10:13:32 AM by DmdNexus »
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Offline ra

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Farting in public
« Reply #13 on: October 31, 2003, 11:35:49 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by Leslie
That is profound Ra!!!  I didn't wait around long to see if the website did anything else.  But that wouldn't be a bad screensaver.

Heh, you're supposed to click on it.
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Offline mrblack

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Re: Re: Farting in public
« Reply #14 on: October 31, 2003, 03:03:09 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by DmdNexus
1. have you ever?
Nothing that can be proven

2. did you blame it on someone elase?
If there is no noise yes...
If there is a dog in the area... a dog is an easy scapegoat.
When there's a noise... check the floor, the chair.. a shoe... and then point at it and shrug.

3. did people look at you funny?
First there's the expression of "what's that funny smell".
A few sniffs of investigation...
Then the shock of realization
Then the disgust of realizing they sniffed it...
Then the look for who to blame...
Pretend to have discovered the obnoxious odor your self and point to someone who's still unawre.. they must be the guilty one.

4. Did the odor have a scent of vegetable?
No... beef burrito and chili.

5. did you blame it on your dog or cat see#2
Absolutely... animals are the first to blame because they are unable to deny it... therefor they are guilty.

6. did you refuse to roll down the car windows?
A true aficionado would lock the doors and windows and turned off the AC just prior to the explosion.

7. did you do it by accident when you sneezed?
Additionally, I turn my back and aime at the nearest person.
I've even made a cross hair scope which I place between my legs as I bend over... it's rather accurate... but then farts don't really need to be aimed... it's the shock and awe impact when people realize that I've just aimed and fired a fart at them when I sneezed... usually they are speechless... mouth agape... and then they walk away... ashamed to even mention to anyone they were a victim of a fart-attack.

8. did you ask a small child to pull your finger?
Yes.. but children these days are way too smart for these old man tricks. Tieing them up and then sitting on their faces works... But the best is to lock them in a closet... make a hole in the door you can fart through... add a sliding cover to increase the effect.

9. did you ever fart at home depot just so you could have the
isle to yourself?
This tactic is much more useful at the grocery store when the check out lines are long... opens up a backed up express line almost immediately.

Department stores are especially suitable for the "lingering toxic cloud" (LTC) ambush... Deposit a toxic cloud next to an end isle display that shoppers are mostly likely to stop and browse at... and then pretend to be browsing nearby outside yet in full view of the "hazard" zone.  On a good day, LTC can usually  catch a dozen shoppers before finally dissipating. I suggest patronizing Lyod and Tailors, Neiman Marcus, Sacs 5th Avenue... these are usually visited by rich stuffy people.. who are the most offended by noxous smells... Wall-mart shoppers will just smile and continue browsing.

Be sure to bring your cam recorder and share your successes with your friends.



Ok now you can come over and clean off my monitor:rofl :aok
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