joke

[AKcurly]

Walking into the bar, Henry said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Henry replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

"She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you little chicken****.'"

[AKIron]

[Holden McGroin]

This morning I was out for a walk and I saw a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." I rang the bell and the owner tells me the dog is in the back yard. So I go into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.

"You talk?"
 
"Yep," the mutt replied.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looked up at me and said, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, 'cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."

"I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

I was amazed. I went back in and asked the owner what he wanted for the dog. The owner says "Ten dollars."

I told him he had a deal, but then I asked him, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?"

The owner replied, "He's such a f***ing liar."