This gave me a laugh.
ravs
PET DIARIES UNCOVERED 
  
As seen in a dog's diary: 
  
8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite! 
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite 
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite! 
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite! 
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite! 
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite! 
3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite! 
4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite! 
5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite! 
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite! 
  
  
As seen in a cat's diary: 
  
Day 183 of my captivity... 
  
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. 
  
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. 
  
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional 
piece of furniture. 
  
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. 
  
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. 
  
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on their bed. 
  
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmm, not working according to plan. 
  
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.  
  
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. 
  
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. 
  
The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.