Really. Today I broke the law. I am at work sh*tting my pants waiting for the police to show up. Here is my sad story.
On the weekend my wife decided to clean up the garden at the back of the yard. We have a big lilac bush and it was spreading over the pool and dropping all kinds of stuff into the water. So she got me to trim off a couple of branches. The branches were pretty big probably about 10' long, 6 inches at the base and spread out like crazy at the end.
I dragged them to the front of the house and realized they were too big for the garbage man to take. On the way to work I pass a garden refuse facility where they take compostable material and well they compost it. Our town used to have an agreement where we could drop off grass cuttings, leaves branches etc there for free.
So on the way to work today I decided to drop the two big branches off there. I was running a bit late at 7 am when I pulled up and no one was in the gate house so I drove by and parked on the tarmac near a few piles of tree clippings that someone else had dropped off.
Just before I unload a guy at the gate house whistles for me to come over. So I park the truck and walk over. It is a kid about 18 years old with acne on his face and an attitude. He asks me what I am doing. I tell him I am dropping some branches off. He hands me a sheet of paper that says as of April 1 I have to take my yard waste to another facility that is about 20 minutes away.
I ask him if I can just leave the two branches and next time I will go there. Well the young Clint Eastwood says "No. That is the rule and I am here to enforce the rules. No exceptions". Flabbergasted I walk back to my truck thinking how late I am going to be for work. As I got nearer the truck I started to feel a bit giddy. Screw him I thought. Who is he to boss me around? I grabbed the top branch and threw it on the pile of stuff next to my truck. Homo boy sees what I am doing and starts to sprint over (or as fast a sprint as out of shape fat teenager can manage). I grab the second branch and throw it on top of the first.
I get in the truck and start to drive away. Idiot boy jumps in front of my truck (I have to say he was certainly dedicated to his job). I stop and roll down my window. He is practically foaming at the mouth. I tell him "You be sure to have a nice day" as I pull away. He is yelling "I have your plate number. There is a minimum $50 fee for dumping. I am calling the police".
About 5 minutes later the euphoria of sticking it to the man is wearing off. I start to sweat. I am getting nervous. What is the penalty for leaving illegal contraband (2 lilac branches) at the local garden waste facility? Do the police have a special task force to catch offenders like me? I pray not.
Man oh man. Now I know how Saddam feels.
