?????'s Fighter Tips:
I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I am the greatest pilot
that ever lived. For the less fortunate of you who will never reach my
level of excellence, I have described some of my unique manuevers in
simple terms that your small brains can understand. So here is my
typical standard operating procedure:
1. Take Off : Never choose any other plane except [Insert fast plane here]. If you fly
any other plane, you suck.
2. Ingress: Always climb, climb, climb til your ears bleed and your
bowels loosen. 50k to 60k is an acceptable altitude to cruise at.
Always make sure that other friendly planes are nearby and well BELOW
you so that your enemy will attack them instead of you.
3. Combat: Always begin a merge at least 20k-30k above your opponent.
Make sure that he is already engaged with other friendly fighters.
Never engage him unless you outnumber him 14-4 or better. Don't worry
about diving right through 7 of your own fighters to steal the kill,
just make sure you don't waste Energy making any silly turns so that you
can resume your climb back up to 50k alt.
4. Egress: Once you have killed the lone enemy fighter, return to base
Immediately! Even if your friends need help, you don't want to take the
chance that you'll get shot down and lose those precious points you
worked so hard for! Remember: points are more important than fun.
5. Don't forget to: Only choose [Insert fast plane here]. Always be above 40k. Always
use other friendly aircraft as bait. Always steal your friends kills.
Always leave the fight and run home to land the points.
6. Always RUN AWAY if: You don't outnumber the enemy at least 4 to 1.
The enemy is at coalt. A fighter is hot on your tail and you've soiled
yourself.
I realize it is doubtful that the rest of you would be able to put these
ingenius tactics into practice. It would be a waste for you to even
attempt these manuevers, since only I have been able to demonstrate the
skills neccessary to perform these feats of aerial combat mastery. I
would therefore invite you all to continue flying below me providing bait for wary enemy fighters.
Just continue your silly little turn
fighting and I'll dive in and save the day!
?????, Master Air Combat Technician
ack-ack
