Upon more thought Grunherz, I can think of a car that matches what you describe. But it isn't a Cadillac, and it isn't from the late '80's.
I learned to drive on a 1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser (my aunt's car). Now THAT was one horrible car.
It had one of those V-8's that made about 140 HP and got about 15 MPG while doing it. It didn't even sound nice. In fact it sounded sort of like a steam engine when you accelerated...CHUGGA CHGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA. It sounded ready to explode at 60 MPH. It also left a nice wispy blue cloud behind it wherever you went even when it was new.
It was insanely overweight. I don't know the curb weight, but it had to be well over 5,000 pounds. With that much weight and an underpowered (yet oh-so-thirsty) engine, 0-60 times were slower than most new cars 1/4 mile times. Actually I wouldn't be surpised if ITS 0-60 was slower than its 1/4.
For some reason it had "sport" wheels with no hubcaps. Pointless, and good at attracting rust at the same time. Most everything on that car was good at attracting rust. My aunt kept it until the bumper rusted so much that the tail lights fell completely out. She always got an undercoating (remember those?) but it didn't help much. We used to joke that if the car broke down you could punch your foot though the rickety floor and drive it like the flintstones car.
Steering was somewhere between "vague" and "pray". I kid you not when I say I could turn the wheel 30 degrees and have no change in the car's direction. I hated going more than 35 MPH in that thing becase keeping it on the road was an adventure. There was a picture of Christ wedged in the dash, and in this car's case I was glad it was there because I needed all the help I could get.
Handling....well...there basically wasn't any. Its turning radius was only slightly smaller than the QE2's, it was basically immobile in any sort of snow or slush even with snow tires (the only time it could spin the tires), and parking usually meant finding a part of the lot where there weren't any other cars. The ride floated enough to make some people sea-sick even if you were going 30 MPH on a smooth road.
It had a heater. I know this because it had a little knob on the dash that said "heat". Of course "heat" in this case was air which was only slightly less cold than the freezing air outside...even after we replaced the heater core. Windows were usually kept clear by using a paper towel which was kept on the dash for this purpose. Oddly, we accidentally ran it one winter with an empty radiator--bone dry--and it never gave any indication that something was amiss, except the "heater" blew slightly colder air.
So yes Grun, I know what you're talking about when you talk about horrible junky vehicles. What a lot of people do NOT realize is that eventually automakers got it right with large cars. My Roadmaster is such a far cry from those junk heaps it isn't even funny. It has nice acceleration, good steering with no play, an even ride without too much body lean, and even corners decently. My Cadillac handled bette still. Unfortunately, by that time public perception was unchangeable, and so the big cars gradually disappeared because people wouldn't buy them due to perceptions which were no longer valid. Oddly enough, people switched from "junky and uncool" large cars to buying SUV's....which, while offering a "cool factor", are generally larger and more ponderous than the vehicles they replaced.
The new Cadillacs are ugly, and why buy one when you can just buy a Mercedes instead if that's the sort of car you want. Why buy an imitation when you can get the real thing.
As an FYI grun, from the '93 to the '94 model year, the Cadillac DeVille gained about 500 pounds, somehow lost space on the inside, and IMO took a big step backwards (it has taken a step back in sales for sure). Hence why I dislike the newer models.
J_A_B
