Don't get me wrong, I feel your pain here. The incident that got me past being upset about this kind of stuff was a mission once upon a time to take out a critical base, sneak attack was only way to get job done, suddenly above our noe mission at about 5k appears a plane that had taken off with us, but not in mission.
Our mission leader quickly and politely explained the noe status and the reason for it, and why this base was important, please come down and join us, and of course the "No, I want to fly up here, you don't pay my fees" answer came back. I can't remember who it was now, but I used to see the name in the game quite a bit.
Anyway, as much as it does suck, that got me over fretting about this stuff, it's part of the nature of the game. It's fine to vent, but don't seriously expect anything to change about it.