Author Topic: jokes (Read 1154 times)

spitfiremkv · « **Reply #15 on:** January 25, 2005, 12:14:28 PM »

good joke but doesn't work well here...everybody knows that in WW2 Fokker was working for the Netherlands, which was one of Germany's first conquests.
Plus, they had too few competitive aircraft for the Luftwaffe to use any of the captured planes.

OIO · « **Reply #16 on:** January 25, 2005, 01:06:47 PM »

The lone ranger and tonto are tracking buffalo out in the open plains. For days they cannot find any then one day they come across a set of hoof tracks.

Tonto gets off the horse and says 'i listen to earth for buffalo kimosabe' and promptly runs towards the hoof marks and stick his ear on the ground.

Minutes pass.

The lone ranger finally asks tonto : 'Well Tonto, how far away are the buffalo?'

Tonto replies: 'Buffalo come here 20 minutes ago kimosabe'

'Ok then lets go after them'

'I cannot kimosabe'

'Why?'

'Face glued to ground kimosabe'

RTStuka · « **Reply #17 on:** January 25, 2005, 01:11:10 PM »

Q. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

A. Full.

JB73 · « **Reply #18 on:** January 25, 2005, 01:15:37 PM »

little johnny is in school one day and the teacher is giving a math lesson.

she asks little johnny "if you had $20 and gave susy $5 and jenny $5 what would you have?"

"an orgy" little johnny replied

JB88 · « **Reply #19 on:** January 25, 2005, 01:17:16 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by JB73
little johnny is in school one day and the teacher is giving a math lesson.

she asks little johnny "if you had $20 and gave susy $5 and jenny $5 what would you have?"

"an orgy" little johnny replied

roflmao

Flyboy · « **Reply #20 on:** January 25, 2005, 02:11:22 PM »

Q: What does Michael Jackson call his Doll?

A: Bait.

Flyboy · « **Reply #21 on:** January 25, 2005, 02:12:10 PM »

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints
of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip
out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes
back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks
him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would
taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman
replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin.
When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way
to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender
admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks
the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in
turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round,
the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief,
but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light
dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says,
"Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."

megadud · « **Reply #22 on:** January 25, 2005, 02:19:58 PM »

ROTFLMAO

LAZURAS YOUR A RIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rofl

THE megaSTUD

Toad · « **Reply #23 on:** January 25, 2005, 02:28:24 PM »

They say that Christopher Columbus was the first Democrat. When he left to discover America, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there he didn't know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant.

megadud · « **Reply #24 on:** January 25, 2005, 02:31:45 PM »

LMAO FLYBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE megaSTUD

slimm50 · « **Reply #25 on:** January 25, 2005, 02:50:41 PM »

A group of seniors were sitting around the pool in sunny Florida talking about all their ailments.

"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time, my hands are so crippled, "volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up, I can't hear you," said a fourth.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk," exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am and where I'm going," said an elderly gent.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully. "THANK GOD WE CAN ALL DRIVE!"

JoOwEn · « **Reply #26 on:** January 25, 2005, 03:05:26 PM »

Frodo · « **Reply #27 on:** January 25, 2005, 03:05:44 PM »

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

JB88 · « **Reply #28 on:** January 25, 2005, 03:10:49 PM »

HO HO hahaha ha ha ha!

(slapping leg)

*gasp*

Frodo · « **Reply #29 on:** January 25, 2005, 03:14:28 PM »

A fighter pilot sat down at the "O" Club bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him and turned to the man in the flight suit and asked, "Are you a real fighter pilot?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life flying jets, deploying overseas, going to fighter and weapons schools, dodging SAMs, jinking through dog fights, wearing big watches, and strapping into F-8's, F-4's, F/A-18s, F-14s and performing Air Combat Maneuvers, shooting down airplanes, bombing the enemy, so, you bet, I'm a fighter pilot and a damn good one."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the pilot and asked, "Are you a real fighter pilot?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."