then you'll need this guide below to interact with the locals. Unfortunatly 80% of Plymouth's inhabitants are chavs, which are the scummiest people in the world, for the americans reading this think of them as your average guest on Jerry springer. Chavs are also known as janners in Plymouth. I have to deal with these morons on a daily basis.....feel my pain. My daily interactions with them has led to me being highly neurotic and prone to out bursts upon hearing them converse. For instance only last weke i had to restrain myself as 3 of them on the bus talking about how "focking great" it was in juve because he could escape easily. They day before i had to hear 2 talking about a car accident 1 was involved in. He was doing 50mph and the other car 30mph....together must be a closing speed of 60mph- i really had to restrain myself from turning around and screaming " it's 80mph u morons! 80MPH!!!!"
Yes my daily interactions with chavs is slowly driving me insane. Anyway below is a guide to the local populace of Plymouth, i'm not sure if americans will understand the guide below but the brits should.
Janner:Someone who is born, raised and lives usually by the seaside.
Within Naval Terminology = someone from the west country. But specifically Plymouth.
The Definitive Guide To Becoming The Textbook Janner
The "Janner Textbook", your personal guide to becoming the perfect Janner. With the help of this step-by-step guide, you can become the ultimate Janner, enabling YOU to roam freely and comfortably amongst Janners in such places as "The Sundial". Or to socialize in favorite Janner hotspots, such as "Jesters", "The Two Trees" and even "Dance Academy".
Developing all Janner skills and becoming the ultimate Janner is not an easy task, but we hope with the help of this guide, you can accomplish this and live a more complete and happier life on the dole.
STEP ONE - THE LANGUAGE
STEP TWO - APPEARANCE
-THE MALE JANNER - A.K.A. BUHEEZ
-THE FEMALE JANNER - A.K.A BURRDS
STEP THREE LIFESTYLE
STEP ONE - THE LANGUAGE
To become the perfect Janner, you must first perfect the language. Although a fairly basic adaptation of the common English language as you and I know it, Janner is not as easy to learn as you may think, but by following these simple rules you will be fully conversant in Janner in no time.
Permutations of the English language known as "Jannerisms", are most commonly the adding of the letter "S" and "ERS" for no apparent reason i.e. ASDA, The Millennium Complex and The National Lottery become ASDERS, Millenniums and Lotteries. These may be used in a sentence like "Before we goes down Millenniums tonight, Ahz gotta go up ASDERS to do me Lotteries". Notice the use of the word "goes" in the sentence as well.
The adding of the "S" as often as possible is very important if you are to converse with the Janner, but in some cases this cannot be done, as the original word is already plural i.e. Heroes. This problem is easily tackled by dropping the first letter of the word where possible, so you might say, "Om goin' down 'Eroes lehter on, then om goin' Destinys".
Also notice from this sentence another common Jannerism. The misuse if the word "TO", i.e. "'Ere, where you going to?" This is also added at the end of a sentence for no apparent reason. The misuse of this word may also be noticed in a reply to a question. Where you or I might say, " I am going to the shops", the Janner might reply "Om goin' shops", completely dropping the words "to the".
Words that end with "BLE" will now end "BOW". For example, the word "HORRIBLE" becomes "ORRIBOW" etc.
When first meeting a Janner you wish to converse with, the common greeting used will probably be "REEEEET" possible followed by "MEHHT." Do not be frightened off by this, as it is a friendly greeting meaning "Are you alright, my friend!" The Janner is referring to your general well being, and is genuinely concerned about how you are today.
We are still unsure why the Janner refers to everyone as "MEHHT". This may be a translation of the word "MATE", or the Janner may be using the word in a state of confusion.
The random exchanging of vowels to make Janner words sound different is a common practice i.e. "studmuffinS" become "FEGS", "SHAME" becomes "SHEHHM", "NO" becomes "NA" and the words become "****" and "****" become "CONT" and "FOCK". ( The last two words when used as Jannerisms become general terms used randomly and are no longer seen as offensive). Other words commonly used are "INNIT" meaning "ISNT IT", however, this is not always used as a question but sometimes used randomly to complete a sentence, i.e. "Lets go down the shops in me Nova, INIT!" The use of this Jannerism is optional and with more experience may find yourself using it more freely.
Other Jannerisms in common use are adaptations of the English language which, when Janner, may not be fully understood to the beginner. "What's your Nem called?" meaning "What is your name?" "Member 'im to me" or "Member me to 'im" possibly meaning "Say hello to …. For me". "Up the line" meaning anywhere north or east of Plymouth. "Ows you?" meaning "How are you?" "Fockin' mentoe" meaning "Really good" and "Elluva" meaning " A lot of" or used to exaggerate.
Understanding the Janner can be difficult as speech is delivered at a fast pace with little or no gaps between words. This can become more confusing if the Janner is annoyed in any way. If his pint is spilt or you look at his girlfriends breasts in a leering manner, the Janner will inform you of this by saying, "Ere, you spilt ma pint, ya cont" and "Ere, you looking at ma berrds tats ya twaat?" At this point it would probably be best to leave jesters and at no time should you try to talk your way out of the situation, as the Janner will probably think your being clever, trying to confuse him/her with long words. If the Janner is standing with his legs slightly apart, fists clenched, arms slightly away from his/her sides with head tilted back and chest puffed up, then the situation has already gone to far and you are probably about to get a "Schmakk in the fehce" meaning "a blow to the facial area".
When describing actions, a Janner will use the following terms to you "EGOES", "ARGOES", "LYGAT" and "LYGISS" i.e. "Ah wuz drivin' in me Nova, an egoes ligat to me an argoes, na lygiss innit!" This roughly translates "As I was driving in my car, my friend said something to me which I found myself completely disagreeing with.
Finally, when finishing a conversation in Janner, the common term used will be "CHEOW" meaning "GOODBYE". Do not be shocked however, as this term will probably be delivered to you in a high pitched voice and can sometimes be frightening.
STEP TWO - APPEARANCE
Now you have a basic grasp of the language, the Janner will not take you seriously unless you look exactly like him or her.
THE MALE JANNER - A.K.A. BUHEEZ
To achieve this look you can chose between two hairstyles;
THE FRENCH CROP - Grade one back and sides, longer at the top and slapped forward on the head with as much cheap gel as can be carried by the average human head. The fringe should be arranged into six or seven downward facing sections.
THE BOB - Once again, grade one sides and back, but ear length on top with a definite central parting. Gel is optional and probably only used for special occasions such as court appearances.
Janners should always wear at least one large gold hoop earring, although the more, the better. One in EACH ear will normally stop the Janner from leaning to one side, stopping him from walking around in circles. No Janner should be without his gold chain and large gold sovereign rings. Both can be purchased from Argos, Index or Half Price Jewellers.
Facial hair is a must but only if you are having trouble growing it. For example, sideburns that do not meet your hair and a bumfluff moustache, which you have been growing since you were twelve.
All clothing should be labeled well and bought slightly too large to give the illusion of size. Large jumpers should be worn at all times even in hot weather or in a club (NOTE: If in "Candy Stores" or "down Cademy", all clothing on the upper body must be removed and glow sticks must be waved around vigorously in peoples faces). Brand of jumper is optional although you will be restricted to Timberland, Sonnetti and Ralph Lauren. The jumper should be worn over an untucked shirt, preferably Ben Sherman, and checkered, baggy dark blue jeans. The all-important footwear is trainers normally, but on special occasions wear either brown Kickers or Timberlands.
All clothing can be purchased from a dodgy mate who "knows someone who done over Louis Bernards" or from your mum's catalogue. The second option can be paid for weekly or monthly from your giro.
A tattoo on the forearm is optional but will improve the look immensely.
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